You grow up the day you have your first real laugh, at yourself. ~Ethel Barrymore
So, you are a new soon to be mom?! Congrats! But let me give you a few pointers. The natural community is wonderful. But there are a few things you might want to avoid bringing up. Tread softly, there are a lot more hate inspiring subjects than just religion and politics. You would be amazed how angry the peaceful, cloth diapering, attachment crowd can be.
1. Santa-
I know- I was shocked too! How can anybody really hate Santa?! Well, it's not that they hate Santa, it's more that they hate "lying to their kids". I have even heard him referred to as "Satan"- cute letter inversion, wouldn't you say? They both wear red, they both sneak in your house, you don't want to sit on either of their laps.....the similarities are just endless.
2. Never ever ever ever in a million years mutter the phrase: "Joey is 17 months old and hates being rear facing, I am going to turn around his car seat." -
You will feel like you just got in a verbal car accident. I'm betting five minutes max before the phrase "Broken leg, cast it. Broken neck, casket. " is spoken. TWO YEARS OLD PEOPLE! Be forewarned.
3. Spanking-
This one is just too fresh for me. Needless to say, I was spanked a few times and I in fact DID NOT turn out OK. This is probably obvious. Why else would I commit blog suicide by writing this list? Something must have been shaken loose.
4. Circumcision-
You would be surprised how violent people who protect the foreskin sound when this word is mentioned in a positive light. Excuse me, genital mutilation. (I realize there is nothing funny about chopping off foreskin. But though I oppose the practice, I have seen people seriously considering doing it, because the rhetoric from both sides is so heated, they think everybody is lying. Food for thought.)
5. Sharing-
This one threw me. Some people make their kids share. Some don't. They are both SURE they are right. You might as well just say, "My favorite book is Mao's little red one" and then stand back. You may be called a communist. Just sayin'.
6. "I am considering an induction because I am feeling so uncomfortable" is the absolute last thing you should ever say to anybody who has ever taken a natural childbirth class.-
I admit, I still can't laugh at this one. I will HAVE to say something unasked for and unappreciated. Consider yourself warned.
7. Vaccines-
"But if they immunize, why do you need a booster?!" Also known as poison, monkey blood, aborted fetus parts, mercury, and egg yolks. If you don't know what I am talking about, just mention on a mothering.com forum that you are planning on vaccinating. Then stand back.
8. "I can't afford organic."-
Never say this either. If you really loved your kids you would sell crack to afford organic. Or grow it in your apartment window. Don't you care about them!?
9. Never tell somebody not to smoke pot when pregnant.-
I did a post on this once. Boy were people ticked. By the way, it is not a drug- it's a freaking HERB. I still refuse to change my mind on this one though. Don't do it!
10. Breastfeeding, bottle feeding, working mothers, stay at home mothers, swaddling, boycotting, chemicals in diapers, fluoride, microwaves, weaning.....are a few more to round out your list of subjects to avoid with your best crunchy friend.
"When people are laughing, they're generally not killing one another."
Alan Alda
(In case you missed it, I am trying to poke fun at our community, even though most of these subjects are ones that I feel strongly about too. Sadly, we push people away sometimes with our pet angry passions. You can still tell me how much you hate me in the comments, below. If not, remember, sometimes we take ourselves a little too seriously. Except for me, of course.)
So, you are a new soon to be mom?! Congrats! But let me give you a few pointers. The natural community is wonderful. But there are a few things you might want to avoid bringing up. Tread softly, there are a lot more hate inspiring subjects than just religion and politics. You would be amazed how angry the peaceful, cloth diapering, attachment crowd can be.
1. Santa-
I know- I was shocked too! How can anybody really hate Santa?! Well, it's not that they hate Santa, it's more that they hate "lying to their kids". I have even heard him referred to as "Satan"- cute letter inversion, wouldn't you say? They both wear red, they both sneak in your house, you don't want to sit on either of their laps.....the similarities are just endless.
2. Never ever ever ever in a million years mutter the phrase: "Joey is 17 months old and hates being rear facing, I am going to turn around his car seat." -
You will feel like you just got in a verbal car accident. I'm betting five minutes max before the phrase "Broken leg, cast it. Broken neck, casket. " is spoken. TWO YEARS OLD PEOPLE! Be forewarned.
3. Spanking-
This one is just too fresh for me. Needless to say, I was spanked a few times and I in fact DID NOT turn out OK. This is probably obvious. Why else would I commit blog suicide by writing this list? Something must have been shaken loose.
4. Circumcision-
You would be surprised how violent people who protect the foreskin sound when this word is mentioned in a positive light. Excuse me, genital mutilation. (I realize there is nothing funny about chopping off foreskin. But though I oppose the practice, I have seen people seriously considering doing it, because the rhetoric from both sides is so heated, they think everybody is lying. Food for thought.)
5. Sharing-
This one threw me. Some people make their kids share. Some don't. They are both SURE they are right. You might as well just say, "My favorite book is Mao's little red one" and then stand back. You may be called a communist. Just sayin'.
6. "I am considering an induction because I am feeling so uncomfortable" is the absolute last thing you should ever say to anybody who has ever taken a natural childbirth class.-
I admit, I still can't laugh at this one. I will HAVE to say something unasked for and unappreciated. Consider yourself warned.
7. Vaccines-
"But if they immunize, why do you need a booster?!" Also known as poison, monkey blood, aborted fetus parts, mercury, and egg yolks. If you don't know what I am talking about, just mention on a mothering.com forum that you are planning on vaccinating. Then stand back.
8. "I can't afford organic."-
Never say this either. If you really loved your kids you would sell crack to afford organic. Or grow it in your apartment window. Don't you care about them!?
9. Never tell somebody not to smoke pot when pregnant.-
I did a post on this once. Boy were people ticked. By the way, it is not a drug- it's a freaking HERB. I still refuse to change my mind on this one though. Don't do it!
10. Breastfeeding, bottle feeding, working mothers, stay at home mothers, swaddling, boycotting, chemicals in diapers, fluoride, microwaves, weaning.....are a few more to round out your list of subjects to avoid with your best crunchy friend.
"When people are laughing, they're generally not killing one another."
Alan Alda
(In case you missed it, I am trying to poke fun at our community, even though most of these subjects are ones that I feel strongly about too. Sadly, we push people away sometimes with our pet angry passions. You can still tell me how much you hate me in the comments, below. If not, remember, sometimes we take ourselves a little too seriously. Except for me, of course.)
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