4 Kids, 1 Mom & A Grocery Store- What Could Go Wrong?

It was a silly idea.  It was not well thought out.  But, really, how bad could it be?

I needed a few tomatoes for dinner, (tacos, the hubb's favorite) so I decided to pop into the store for a few things.  Dad is at home getting ready for work, and yet I took all the kids with me.  (If you want to question my sanity, now would be the time.  Any sane mother knows that the occasional trip to the store with all the kids may sometimes be NEEDED- but you NEVER EVER do it unless death is on the line.  Unless you are me.)

In we go. 

Things begin to go down hill almost immediately.  This grocery store has those car carts.  You know the ones.  They have an actual two seater car with two steering wheels in front of the cart.  The cart itself has two seats for two kids. 

This seems like a good idea!  All my kids can be contained!  WOO HOO!  Genius.

Not genius.

The two oldest kids get into the "car" first.  I am already trepidatious because while in the car in the past things have gone badly, but I am willing to give them another try, if they "promise" to not grab stuff and fight and stay in the car. 

Then the two year old discovers the car.  She wants in too.  There is not room.

"Sit up here (in the cart) next to mom,"  I say.  Isn't mom every child's best friend?

Screaming is the response. 

I sit the baby in the cart too.  Maybe everybody can sit!  She screams too.

Never mind.  I hate the car carts.  I feel like I am pushing a Buick anyways. 

Everybody out.  Big kids walking.  Baby in sling.  Two year old contained in the cart seat, facing mom.

Now we shall enter the store.

I only need a few things.  I should have known better.

The older kids start playing a running and screaming game in the grocery store.  I am THAT mom.  The one you either

A) feel sorry for

B) wonder why she has so many kids who are so poorly behaved, or

C) all of the above

This is bad enough.  Some people look at me and smile, others avoid us.  It can't get worse. 

But it does. 

I see an acquaintance from my son's school.  She is there with her child.  She has one child.  He is very smart and he is behaving very well. 

She waves.  I feel ashamed of the total lack of control I have over my life.  I imagine she feels grateful for birth control. 

Aha!  I have an idea!  A bribe.  Classic mom move. 

"Gather round kids.  I don't like the way you are behaving.  Would you like to get a treat?!"

Excited nodding ensues.

"You can  all have a treat IF you stop screaming and stop running in the store.  Can you do that?!"

Oh yes they can!  Crisis contained.  I am a genius. 

They see the donuts.  This was THE treat while I was pregnant.  They don't understand that I am no longer in an obligatory fat growing state and so I am trying to avoid the donuts.  Donut begging begins.  I hate it when bribes backfire. 

But I stand my ground.  The treat will be fresh blackberries and a pomegranate.  The kids like them and I don't have to feel guilty. 

Things calm down and we make it to the checkout line!  Deliverance is nigh.

Just when I think I am home free the two year old speaks up. 

"Need go pee, REAL bad." she says.

This is her cue.  It gives me about a five second count down until urine lift off.  This is fine at home (and infinitely better than the old school, "I just peed") but still can cause problems when we are not next to a bathroom.

That is OK- I have everything under control.

I look the two year old straight in the eye and say, "NO you don't.  You don't have to go pee."

I am working on becoming a Jedi.  Mind control could be a mothers best friend.

Confident that my mind trick has worked I continue setting the groceries on the conveyor belt.  About one minute passes.  I look at the two year old.  She has shifted in her seat.  She has moved so she can splash her bare (WHAT!) feet in her urine which is collected on that little plastic "comfort" flap they have in grocery carts. 

I burst out laughing.  What else can I do.  This is how I handle bad situations.  It makes other people uncomfortable, but it works for me.

I look at the checker.  He is still dealing with the person in front of me but sees panic in my eyes.  He mouths to me, "What do you need?" 

"Paper towels," I whisper back.

Paper towels found.  Urine cleaned.  (There was a puddle on the floor too.  The woman behind me mysteriously had to run and get something else off the shelves.  I appreciate her avoiding my moment of shame.)

The checker is a saint.  He even has sanitizing wipes.  The entire cart is probably now cleaner than it has been in years. 

As I leave he asks me if I need any help getting out to the car. 

I decline. 

What else could go wrong?!  Besides, I am woman!  Hear me roar!

When Mamas Fantasize

I was going to call this post "Mom's Gone Wild" until I realized that it would have nothing to do with wild frat moms on spring break.  My body parts no longer defy gravity and getting my boobs out in public no longer causes people to throw money or jewelry at me.  They just ask why I am not covered.  (Maybe THIS is why people are so adamant about not wearing covers!  We remember when people WANTED to see the twin sisters!)

But I digress.

When this mama fantasizes she thinks of.....

Quiet dinners alone.

Hot showers alone and uninterupted.  No banging on the door.  Nobody flushing the toilet.  No mildew to make me feel guilty. 

Cookies I don't have to share that also do not induce guilt or cellulite.

Long drives listening to music- loud- or maybe nothing at all.

A movie while I relax in a clean house.  Not a house that is glaring at me wondering why I am waiting to clean it until after the movie or, heaven forbid! tomorrow morning.

A long night of uninterupted sleep.  Sleeping in without guilt.  (It seems like I feel guilty a lot.  Hmmm...)

I fantasize about having a bedroom that really is peaceful and clean.  No crap under the bed.  No piles of clothes.  No weird junk shoved in the corner.  Clean sheets and a vaccumed floor.  When I clean house I almost never make it back to my room, I just clean the parts people would see if they came to the front door.

Going out to eat with the hubbs.  I really love this and never appreciated it when we used to do it all the time.  Somebody cooks for me and cleans up.  It is almost like....being my kid!  Yeah, I do that for them every day!  Which reminds me, thanks mom- I never told you thanks!

Jeans that fit.

Having time for hair and make up. 

Having make up that hasn't had fingers digging in it or been smeared on a carpet. 

A black shirt that is clean. 

Cute toenails. 

Oh, and that picture above.  I kinda like him.  I hope he never starts taking serious movie roles that don't require him to take off his shirt.  Lucky for me, my husband kinda looks like him!  Whoot.

Seriously though- I really love being a mom and try to appreciate all the shining moments.  That doesn't mean I can't fantasize about the moments I used to have.  


 

18 Phrases This Mom HEARS Everyday

Part 2-

1)  "I pooped."

2)  "I WANT A CHEESE STICK!"

(Seriously, what is it with cheese sticks?  Do they contain addictive chemicals?)

3)  "Can we have candy?"

4)  "He HIT ME!!"

5)  "SHE WOULDN'T LISTEN TO ME!" 
(Makes you wonder what I am teaching them, but really, they take some of the worst moments and recycle in a worse way.  Hate that.  But no, I don't hit them!  Even when they don't listen.)

6)  "Please I may have....."

(The garbled version of "May I please" which may never be learned properly.)

7)  "I'm hungry!"

8)  "I can't find my shoes!"

9)  "Don't leave!"  

(For the record, I don't just up and leave.  But if they have been asked to get ready and I told them they would stay with dad if they were not ready, then yes, sometimes having to stay behind is their natural consequence.)

10)  "I need to go pee, real bad."  (This is better than the old one, "I went pee.")

11)  "I can't clean it up.  I am toooooooo tired."

12)  "The two year old did it."

13) "NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

14)  "I DON"T!!!!!!!"

(Live as we speak, she is yelling this at me.  And yes, the two year old is doing it.)

15)  "Can we watch a movie?"

16)  "Mama."

(Did you know when they get older they stop calling you mama?  Very sad when they switch to plain old mom.)

17) "Thank you"

18)  "I need to cuddle."

18 Phrases This Mom Uses Every Day

1)  "Who pooped?!  Do you need a wipe?!"

2)  "Get off the counter!"

3)  "Did you wash your hands!?"

4)  "Get back here!  Running away in the parking lot is NOT funny!"

(I have a two year old.  I hate that she thinks this is a game.)

5)  "It is not daytime yet.  It is still sleepy time.  Go back to bed."

6)  "Where is the rest of the poop?  Did you see it?!  Does anybody see it?!"

7)  "Puke in this.  Thank you for not getting vomit on the sheets."
(Not everyday, but today.  It will be a long one.) 

8)  "Where are your pants?  I just put those on you!"

9)  "You already had a cheese stick!"

10)  "Did you brush your teeth?"

11)  "Take your last pee." 

12)  "I am leaving!  I hope you all have your shoes on!"

13)  "How many outfits are you going to wear today?  ACK!"

14)  "Don't eat in the bathroom.  That is nasty."

15)  "Why didn't you pee before we left?"

16)  "I swear I put underwear on you.  Where are they?"

17) "More laundry?!  I just washed!"

18)  "I love you." 

My Doctor Says He Sees Only Bad Home Births That End In Transport

This is one of my pet peeves. 

Somebody is mentioning home birth to a health care professional (EMT, paramedic, firefighter, doctor or nurse, etc.) and their first response is,

"All the home birth transfers I see are because something went wrong.... You are really lucky that your home birth was safe."

This is stated in a very serious tone.

First, there are a few things I should point out that I recognize.

I recognize that home birth has some risks that may not be present in a hospital.  I also recognize that hospital birth has some risks that may not be present in a home birth.

I believe that care providers vary a lot in their skill, intelligence, ability and ethics.  This applies not just to obstetric doctors but also to home birth midwives.  I try to choose mine carefully.

I recognize that sometimes, for the safety of mom and/or baby, a home birth must be moved and become a hospital birth.  This can be for very minor things to very serious, life threatening things.  When done at the right time, it is not a failure, just a change of plans.

I also have a deep appreciation for the fact that all of my children's births have been safe, from my hospital birth to my accidental unassisted home birth.  I am blessed, and I am deeply grateful.  

Now that I have that out of the way, I just need to point out the obvious.


If you work in a hospital or in emergency transport, the only home births that you will ever see are the ones in which something went wrong.  

The other ones, where nothing goes wrong, STAY AT HOME.


OK, now I am done.  Carry on. 

(Robbie Davis-Floyd mentions that the home birth transport rate averages around 12%.  You may want to find your own midwife's transport rate and lots of other info about her.  I highly recommend researching your midwife and have some tips here.)

My Life As A Beautiful Design Blogger is Doomed

I never realized that there were women doing these beautiful design blogs until recently.  I am actually so obsessed with natural childbirth that it is pretty much the only thing I ever read about online.  Other natural birth bloggers and ACOG press releases are pretty much my "me time."

Yes I realize how sad that is.

So I was stunned to realize recently that there is this huge secret society of design blogs in which people take pictures (rockin' professional looking pictures) of their beautiful children, their immaculate homes, and their handsome husbands and --- people read them!

I know, weird right?!

I realized quickly that I do not fit in this category.  I am a hopeless natural birth blogger and nothing more.  I will never be famous, rich, have awesome ads or a huge diverse following.  Only other people with similar obsessions will ever read my blog.  (Don't worry, I like people like that.)

Still, here are the things that stick me in this category....forever.

1)  My walls look like crap-

They don't actually look as bad as the one above.  I don't spend THAT much time on Facebook.  Actually, they look pretty good right now.  This is not however due to me, but to my sister- in- law who COULD have an awesome design blog.  She makes her own children's clothes, decorates for Christmas, and makes things out of string and glue.  She also knows how to make walls look great and does this while on vacation.

Thank you, by the way!

But alas, I don't notice stuff on the walls until people come to visit and start cleaning it.  I am THAT kind of mom.  And I have never decorated my house.  Pretty much NEVER.  Maybe someday.  My husband threatens that he will have his mother do it.  That my friends, is not happening.

2)  When I catch my kids writing on the walls, I discover that my parenting skills are nothing to brag about online-

So I did realize that somebody had written on my wall.  It was the four year old.

"Did you do this?" says mom.


"No.  It was the two year old!"  says the four year old.


"She can't reach that high," says mom.


(Bewildered look of child who has just been found out ensues.)


"OK, I did it..."

What does this little exchange illustrate?  That I have dirty walls and kids who will lie to cover their butts, even throwing younger children under the bus to avoid whatever (apparently awful) thing I have in store for them.

Other awesome bloggers have ninja like parenting skills.  They don't get mad and their kids admit stuff and don't write on walls because they have had respectful discussions about not doing that.

I don't even know how that works.  Discussions about behavior with two year olds.  Hmmm, can they involve the phrase, "Do it now!  Because I said so!!!!" ?

3)  Relating to number 2, I am way too honest about the ways I suck- 

I just can't help it.  I would love to write about the ways that I parent like a pro and how I manage to keep a marriage riding along smoothly.  But that would be something of a.........big fat lie..... and so instead I just write about how things really go down.  Messes, yelling, even spanking will be discussed here.  I gave up on perfect parenting a long time ago.

And marriage.  Well, I am completely befuddled by this endeavor called marriage, despite the fact that I believe it is deeply sacred and important.  When I figure it out, you will be the first to know.

4) I couldn't take a decent picture to save my life-

I take horrid pictures.  I tried to take some at my brothers wedding.  They handed me an expensive new camera and I did my best.  Awful, truly awful; pictures resulted.  They said it was OK- they had hired somebody for real to take pictures who had skills.

I actually fear someday that my kids will ask for proof that I am their mother and all I will have to show them will be an empty baby book and 6 crumpled anonymous looking pictures.

Plus, people online freak me out sometimes and I don't want them to have pictures of my kids.

***

So- if you are still reading, thanks.  I appreciate it.  I know this isn't the most professional looking, proof read blog out there.  But I like it and I hope you do to. 

A VBAC Surrounded By Doubters- Go MAMA!

You have got to love a VBAC.  This mama has  great sense of  humor and stuns a hospital full of VBAC non-believers.  Go mama!  I love too how we get to read the doula's perspective on this birth.

Enjoy!

My VBAC

The first portion is my side, my friend and doula also wrote the experience down from her point of view as well.

MY STORY

Saturday night I started having contractions before bed. I had them ALL night and was getting pretty pumped but as soon as I got up Sunday they disappeared. Sunday night, they started up again and I was pretty annoyed. I had already missed a ton of sleep and didn't want to deal with another night like Saturday. The contractions lasted all night but were manageable. When I got up on Monday they didn't go away so I was happy. I tried to stay busy, I cleaned some, walked some, and the contractions stuck with me. In the afternoon I decided to take a nap before taking Reghanne to choir and when I got up the contractions started going crazy. They went from 15 minutes to 3-4 minutes apart so we left the kids with my mom and headed to the hospital. We were so excited!

I had them ALL the way to the hospital, sat down on the bed with the monitor and they stopped. Like, almost completely. NONE, ZIP, NADA. The nurse told me about how to determine "real" labor. I wanted to punch her. So we went home around 10, and left the kids at my Mom's house for the night. The nurse at the hospital had declared me 3 cm and told me she figured they would see me back that night. But "people like me" usually like to labor at home as long as possible. (People like me being those looking for natural births). It didn't really matter when I went, the doctor I had fallen in love with as out all week for her boards, so there was NO chance she would be delivering my baby unless I managed to stay pregnant until Friday! (no thanks)

I had contractions all night but they were manageable. I could sleep for about an hour or so at a time. I got up around 1:30 and went back to bed about 4:00. I was in some pain but just relaxing helped me a lot. The contractions were about 15 minutes apart all night, give or take. Over the last few months I have been working in the ECCHO nursery with two great ladies who know TONS about birth and so when I got up on Tuesday, I contacted them and they stayed in close contact with me through out the day helping me along. Jessica suggested I get some breakfast and try to rest as long as possible. Maybe take a bath and see if I could doze a little there. So, I got up and made some toast and made Clint an omelet and then went and hopped in the tub.

I have always heard how great the tub is during labor. My friend Julie described it as a liquid epidural (something like that) just the other day. For me, the tub was AWFUL!!!! I have never experienced "back labor" but I definitely had it this time. The minute I sat in the tub the contractions got stronger. I could barely recover from one when it seemed another was creeping up on me. I stayed in the tub for a little while and got out. Tried to rest and couldn't so Clint and I decided we would go for a walk to see if we could decrease the time between contractions. I put on my butt toning tennis shoes and we headed out. Our driveway is about a mile if you go down and back so I made that my goal.

When we got to the end, my grandfather saw us and came out to say hello and see how things were. As soon as I had started walking, the contractions went to 4 minutes apart. I didn't want him to worry so I chatted with him through two contractions. Clint could tell I was dying, apparently I am not a great actress! :) So, we headed back to the house and when I got in and sat down they went to about 6 minutes apart. I called Tara and she was encouraging me and telling me how I awesome I was doing. Jessica told me that the point of rest was over, I needed to change positions every 3 or 4 contractions to keep them rolling. I laid on one side and then the other while we watched a couple of movies.

I was really starting to get uncomfortable. Both Tara and Jessica thought it as time to go. I was nervous, I didn't want to get there and find out nothing had changed or have them stop again. We decided we would go and when I got up to get my shoes on etc the contractions were rapid fire. I couldn't complete any task without having to breathe through one. I had been marking them on a paper all day and it was to the point where all I could say was "another one" and Clint was writing them down like crazy. He said "Now it's getting serious" and we hopped in the car to head to Mansfield. The drive was interesting. We got behind a TXDOT truck on the back roads to Midlothian and he was not afraid to drive 20 MPH! Clint tried to get around him by going a different direction. Then when we got to the main road it was school dismissal so we were behind every bus, through every school zone and at every red light between our house and the hospital. I thought we would NEVER get there.

We arrived at the same time as Tara. After Monday night, I knew I needed someone there with experience or I would not make it. This junk hurt and it would be all too easy to give in to pain meds. Tara was kind enough to give up time with her family and call in to work to be there for me. They took me to observation and checked me, said I was 7-8 cm and quickly got me in to a Labor and Delivery room. It was right around 3:30.

This is when we apparently started scaring the living hell out of nurses :) They called me a "trial of labor" because I was there for a VBAC. Apparently they have no hope for people like me. They made me get an IV port "just in case" things went South, told me I couldn't have any food, drinks, or even ice chips and then pretty much checked out. Tara snuck me some coconut water (rebel). And I sat down on the weeble wobble ball. The contractions continued but again, were totally manageable. Tara was pushing on my back during them which helped the back labor immensely. I am so cloudy about most of this, I think I might have to get her to write it all down for me!

The contractions were getting more difficult to breathe through and I was really starting to dread them. I just felt like the "finish line" was never going to come. Tara suggested I try something new so I put the back of the bed all the way up and kneeled there with my arms over the back of it. About that time my nurse came in and, with a very quizzical look, said "What are you doing???" I said "Trying something new." and that was about the last thing I said in a normal voice for the next 10 minutes or so.

The next contraction I felt "something". So I told her that and she checked me and said I was an 8. I was NOT HAPPY about that and vaguely remember rolling my eyes as the next contraction came. Suddenly, my Mom walked in the room, I asked her what she was doing there, told her I was in a really bad place, and another contraction came. This time, I was more clear and screamed "I FEEEL SOMETHING DIFFEREEENNTT!!!!!" Then all hell broke loose, pardon my french but that is the only way I can describe it. My nurse told me I needed to turn around and lay down. All I could hear was sneakers on tile running like mad. By the time I managed to turn around there were about 10 people looking at me. She checked me and said I was complete, the bed started moving. I felt like the chick from the exorcist. I wanted to run out of the room.

They told me the doctor was there and was going to get dressed. I asked "WHICH ONE??" because I didn't know what the doctor looked like (which is kind of comical). For the next few minutes I didn't open my eyes. I have NO CLUE what happened except that I was screaming like a maniac, ripping the skin off people's hands, and thinking that if I could get up and run I would... It couldn't have been very long. I have no CLUE how long I was like that... in between contractions I felt like I would just barely regain "consciousness" and it would all go crazy again.

I started to cry and say I didn't want this anymore. Someone said just reach down and touch your baby. I opened my eyes and looked and I could see his head, I felt his warm little noggin' and all the sudden, just knowing it was almost over, I knew I could do it and felt calm. Then he was born at 6:24 and I was amazed. I think at some point I was like "OMG there was a baby in there!" My mom asked, "What is his name?" I looked at him and said "Michael". (We still hadn't completely decided up to that point.)

He got a chance to nurse before they put him in the incubator to clean him up. Shortly after the big kids came and we all got to watch him get his bath while I ate the SWEET steak dinner the hospital brought me! (It had a bottled Coke so I was pretty darn happy!) I felt like a million bucks. The nurses couldn't believe I was walking around and carrying my two year old all over the delivery room. After a bit, we all walked down to the other room, baby Michael in tow!

What a blessing!!! When Denton as born, I barely saw his face before they whisked him away. It was only by God's grace that I even saw him the day he was born. This experience was SO much better and our family is absolutely blessed by this little baby boy.

AS MY DOULA SAW IT:

I met Heather at our local homeschool co-op.  We volunteered in the nursery together.  For months we’ve been talking about her upcoming birth and just generally sharing about our past birth experiences and ideal birth situations, etc.  Toward the end of her pregnancy, Heather made it pretty clear that she was afraid she would not have much support in the labor room.  I kept waiting for someone to step up and help, since we volunteer with other very qualified people, but it seemed like Heather and I clicked.

October 28^th I was invited to the birth of a baby whose mommy was in my Childbirth & Beyond class.  I had never attended a labor/delivery as a doula and it was a very electrifying, emotional experience.  When I went back to co-op, I talked about it and again, it seemed like Heather would appreciate another form of support.  I offered to be there for her if she would like me to be, but I didn’t really expect her to take me seriously, because who am I, really?  

We instant messaged on the computer a lot about what to expect from a natural hospital birth and natural labor starts for the next few days and I assured her that I would be more than happy to be there as her support.  She gave me an inch saying she might be interested and I hounded her until she said she would definitely call when she went into labor. 

On Monday we talked and she told me she’d been having lots of contractions.  We talked about relaxation techniques and about getting into the tub to labor for a while.  That night she went to the hospital, but they sent her home at a 3.  I expected to get called that night, so I suggested a warm bath, relaxation and to call me as soon as she felt that she “had to go.”  I got as much rest as I could and woke up several times in the night with excitement about the impending birth.  I prayed each time I awoke that Heather was getting rest and that she would have a successful natural VBAC delivery.

When we talked the next morning, I could tell things were happening, but I could also tell Heather was very tired.  I sent my husband off to work with strict orders to stay close so I could take off whenever necessary.  She talked to me and another woman from co-op, Jessica, too.  Jessica is a professional doula and kept in touch with both of us, giving us tips.  Heather took a mile long walk with Clint and then relaxed through a movie, switching laboring positions. 

Around 1:00pm we talked Heather into going to the hospital.  She was scared they would tell her to go back home, but I assured her they would not!  I promised to meet her there. 

When I got to the hospital, Clint and Heather were just checking in.  The nurses would not let me back and I was very nervous, since the hospital staff had made it clear that they were not thrilled with the idea of a natural VBAC delivery.  While I waited in the lobby, I prayed and alerted some friends to pray, as well.  Finally, Clint came out to get me.  When I went into the room, they were finishing placing the hep lock in Heather’s hand and said she was at a 5-6.   

Heather was very peaceful between contractions and very in control, even during them.  They were lasting about a minute, but only coming every 3-4 minutes.  She particularly enjoyed being on the birth ball and since she was not hooked up to IV’s, she was able to move around (within range of the monitors) and go to the bathroom as necessary.  The hospital would not allow her to have food or drink, but when the nurses would leave, I would sneak her drinks of coconut water to help her keep her strength and hydration up.

It seemed like the nurses were all very curious about what Heather and Clint hoped for from their birth experience, so we got a lot of questions.  There were a lot of jokes made, since serious answers didn’t seem to be satisfactory.

Such as…”You’re declining erythromycin?  May I ask why?” 

“We’ve had all the tests and they are negative and we just don’t feel there is any risk for him, so we’d prefer him to not have the drops in his eyes.”

“But the vagina is FULL OF BACTERIA!”

“You’re right, but it’s really about aesthetics.  We just don’t like the way the drops look in the newborn pictures.”

Clint and Heather are a very funny couple and I really enjoyed the time between contractions with them.  We discussed the craziness of being called a “Trial of Labor,” the fact that Clint is a nervous laughter and the generally ridiculous looks the nurses would give us all when they came in to see how everything was coming along.

At one point, Clint informed me that they were hoping to not cut the baby’s cord until it stopped pulsating.  When a nurse came in and there was calm between contractions, I suggested they talk to the nurse about it then.  There was complete disbelief on her end and it was very obvious she had never heard of that before.  She could not quite wrap her head around the idea, but said she would convey their wishes to the doctor.

During contractions, Heather really responded to pressure on her lower back.  She stayed in complete control and as she got closer to time, she began to vocalize well.  The vocalizations were deep and productive, allowing the baby to come down and work with her.  

I do recall being told that I was not to look at her crotch, even if a baby was coming out of it, or she would be able to look at mine.  (No worries, Heather, I didn’t look at your crotch! And if I did see it, I will not be telling you about it!) :P

At about 6:00pm, things were speeding up a bit, so Heather went to the bathroom and I moved the back of the bed straight up.  She hung over the back of it and had a few contractions up there.  When the nurse came in she asked, “WHAT are you DOING?”  Heather said, “trying something new.” And about that moment she groaned and said something felt VERY different.  The nurse checked her while in that position and announced that Heather was an 8.   

Heather seemed very disappointed in this, and the nurse walked out.

Almost that same moment, Heather’s mom walked in and Heather looked back at the sound of her voice and said, “WHAT are you DOING here!?”  Her mom said that she just had to come and see how she was doing and Clint asked where the kids were.  She said she had left them with Kara and she wouldn’t stay long, she just wanted to see how Heather was doing.  As she and Clint dialogues a bit, I was concerned that the stress of it would cause Heather’s contractions to slow down.  I watched Heather’s face and tried to be as calm and still as possible, so that she might have a focal point of calm to keep things going.   

Her mom approached the bed and Heather groaned, “I’m just in a really bad place right now, Mom.  I can’t really talk to you right now.”  This was repeated a couple of times and then Heather let out a slightly panicked groan and said “IT’S BURNING!  IT’S BURNING!!”  I knew this meant the baby was crowning (ring of fire) so I looked at Clint and told him, “we need the nurse NOW!”  He ran out and they all came running in very quickly.  We had to wait for Heather to get through a pretty heavy duty contraction before she could turn over.  Once they turned her over and checked, she was announced complete-literally only 5 minutes after the nurse had said “8.”

The nurses announced that the doctor was there and even in her feeling of helplessness and being “out of control” Heather’s sense of humor shined through, introducing herself to the delivery doctor who she had not met before then.  Clint stood next to Heather, with his hand on her shoulder and I held her hand while her mom held her other hand.  I coached her through some contractions where she felt pushy and she “breathed the baby down.”  She would let out a little shriek here or there, but she was very good about focusing and making the breath work for her.  She was also very good about curling into a C while pushing as I coached her.  

At one point she said, “I can’t do this.” 

And I gave her my favorite mantra, “You ARE doing this, RIGHT NOW.”  

She found more strength.  As the baby’s head was coming out, Heather seemed to lose just a bit of her edge and wanted to back out, curling away from the pain, letting out a scream and squeezing our hands.  I told her that during the next contraction I wanted her to reach down and feel her baby.  When the next contraction came, I made her look into my face, grabbed her hand and moved it downward so that she could touch his head.  I said, “Feel the baby’s head.”  When she touched it, her eyes opened wide and she had a brand new determination and she never pulled away from the pain again…she just pushed until her son was born at 6:24pm on November 8^th.   

She took one look at him and said, “he is Michael Emmett.”

They placed him on her chest right away and everyone worked to get things cleaned up and finished.  They immediately cut the cord, and later said it was because it was “calcified” and they wanted it taken to pathology.  They also hooked Heather up to the pitocin drip as soon as Michael was out.  In the delirium of Michael’s arrival, no one minded.  

Heather kept looking at her mom and at me and at Clint and saying, “I can’t believe he’s here!  I can’t believe I did it!”  I’m not sure there was a prouder room, ever!  The nurses were even impressed with her determination and her ease of delivery.  Heather was also very apologetic, which she didn’t need to be…she did a fantastic job.  Even when she “hit the wall” she let her body work and kept it together.  

I am so grateful that I got to be a part of this birth.  Words cannot express how glad I am for Heather and Clint that they finally got the labor and delivery they had hoped for.   I feel that the birth of Michael Emmett has healed their hearts and given them both a bigger trust in body and birth.  The pure joy of watching Heather nurse Michael confidently and Clint telling everyone how Heather had survived her “Trial of Labor” without any drugs at all was more than worth it.  

Heather hopped up off the bed so fast when Reghanne and Denton showed up.  She showed all of those nurses the natural high a woman can experience after a fully normal labor and delivery.  I feel that she also healed something inside of some of them…proving that it is possible and even DESIRABLE to have a birth that has no interventions.

I am so very proud of this little family and glad to have been a part of Michael’s birth-day!

A Natural Birth Manifesto

Birth is mostly safe-

Women innately know how to give birth- 

Women can benefit from support from other women through pregnancy and birth so that they can access wisdom passed through generations-

Breastfeeding is the best and most natural way to feed our young-

Newborns are programmed to love their mothers-

Mothers are programmed to love their babies and have a fierce attachment for them-

The birthing process is designed to create attachment, euphoria, pain, and pleasure.  All these things combine to both slow the mother down long enough to recover and care for her young and make her excited to repeat the process-

Birth is safest when left alone most of the time-

Nutrition has a mighty impact on the health of the mother and her child and their birth experience-

Danger, anger, negativity, and disrespect deeply impact the laboring women and her birth experience.  These things are INTERVENTIONS, though this is often unrecognized-

Women are happier with their birth experience when they are treated with kindness and respect, regardless of if the birth is at home, in a hospital, or if the birth includes medications or not-

The baby and mother benefit from a natural third stage of labor and cord blood passing to the baby-

An obstetric system based on a deeply held belief in female malfunction and pathology colors and damages the model of care that modern women receive and makes them more likely to "need" medical interventions-

Women and babies sometimes DO benefit from obstetric interventions and surgeries-

Modern women are capable of natural vaginal delivery safely and can do so more than two thirds of the time-

Obstetrics benefits monetarily from a pathological model of birth.  This model of birth is a self fulfilling prophesy- if we believe it will go wrong most of the time, it probably will-

Medicating the pregnant and laboring woman deeply impacts the birth and the baby-

Mobility, safety, trust, good health, and kindness will benefit the safe birth of a baby and the safety of the mother-

Babies and mothers benefit from immediate contact and constant contact after the birth-

Most of us don't even really know what natural birth even is any more, but we can remember-

My First Birth Story- Much To Be Grateful For

On this Thanksgiving day I wanted to express my gratitude for my first born child, my son.  I always think of him around Thanksgiving because his birthday is during this season. 

I am grateful that I knew before I went into labor that labor could run the rage of very long to very short.  When contractions started out an hour apart for just thirty seconds each, I knew that I wouldn't be heading into the hospital right away. 

I am grateful for a husband who was kind, supportive, positive, and who made me eat so that I had the energy to labor. 

I am grateful that I was able to labor at home for two full days before I went to the hospital.  My bag of water was leaking on and off that whole time.  As I felt my baby move and I had a normal temperature I just knew that everything was fine.  I was grateful to be at home without constant vaginal exams. 

I was grateful for my Bradley teacher Donna.  She finally told me after two days of labor that I needed to get walking!  I was so afraid that it would hurt more but that advice finally helped things pick up.  I was glad I listened to her.

When I did decide to go to the hospital, I was grateful to have dilated to an eight!  Yippee!  I was so excited.  I thought it would never end before that news.

When we arrived, I had the most kind and gentle midwife.  The midwives worked random shift rotation, and though I had never met her, she was wonderful and peaceful to be around.  I was grateful too for a nurse who hardly said a word, just did her job and let me be.

I was SO grateful for the tub.  It made my labor feel like it had totally stopped for a few moments.  I couldn't believe the power of water to relive pain.

When I started pushing, I was grateful that that same midwife encouraged me to move and push in every position known to man.  I was so exhausted by this time that I had forgotten everything I had ever learned about technique and pushing positions.  Were it not for her I wouldn't have moved.

I was grateful for her again when she didn't call in a surgeon when I still hadn't had the baby after an hour.  She "let me" push for four hours.  Babies heart tones were good and I wanted a natural birth- and she helped me get it by giving me the opportunity to push out my baby under my own power.

Everyday I am grateful for that-  I know that if she had told me after two hours that I needed a c-section I was too tired to have argued.  But she believed in me.  She believed in my ability to birth my child.  She is one of the reasons that my other births were wonderful- I got the gift of vaginal birth in a c-section happy world.   

I was so grateful when he finally emerged!  Healthy and screaming with good APGAR's.  Having a baby is a miracle. 

I was grateful for the lactation consultant that FINALLY helped me get him to nurse.  We had a long and wonderful breastfeeding relationship that I know impacted his health for the better. 

I am grateful that I never gave up nursing because it was so incredibly hard the first few weeks as my tired and jaundiced baby and his overwhelmed and exhausted mother struggled to make things work. 

When we struggled to nurse, I was so grateful for a husband who looked me in the eye and told me that I could breastfeed.  He never doubted me.  I was grateful to for a family that expected it and a mother who had nursed all of her babies and never expected anything else from me. 

I was grateful that he grew and learned and was always content in his mothers arms.  I am grateful that he was my first child.  He taught me so much about motherhood and sacrifice and personalities and love. 

Today I am grateful for a little man who is growing up to be a bigger man.  I am grateful that he seems to innately understand right and wrong, and has a moral compass that is strong and steadfast.  I am grateful for a boy that is dedicated and persistent and serious about the things that matter. 

Sometimes I hear people say that birth doesn't matter.  I hear of doctors making fun of women for wanting to birth a certain way or mocking women who feel wounded by the way their babies were born. 

I know birth matters.  Not only that, I know that it is SUPPOSED to matter.  Whether designed by nature or God, birth has a powerful impact on the mother and the child, and it lasts forever.  Women never forget the way they felt when they were bringing their babies here. 

I am so grateful for the luck, the people, the miracles, and the kindnesses that came together to give me a wonderful child in a spectacular way.  Does it happen everyday?  Of course- every minute in fact.  And yet it still touches us all so deeply- that is one of the many miracles of birth. 

Birth is both everyday and spectacular all at once. 

May you all have blessings, peace, and much to be grateful for at the births of all of your miracles.  

How To Push- Your Official Guide

(Disclaimer- I am not a medical professional.  My only experience is my own.  Feel free to ignore all I say.)

Ahh, pushing.  As with anything in childbirth there are rules and opinions on this aspect of the birth process.  One side says,

"Push as hard as you can.  We will stand over you with stop watches and yell at you when you don't push hard enough.  Your eyes should hurt." 

The other side says,

"Don't push.  B  R  E  A  T  H  E  your baby down.  Pushing like this is peaceful and like walking on the ocean.  You want the birth to be peaceful, right?"

****

 Here is the "Official Guide to Pushing, 1st Edition" by Mama Birth

You are in labor.  You are pushing your baby out.  Don't worry to much about what other people tell you to do, especially if it was in a book, promises it will be pain free, or if what you read is sure there is only one right way to do this. 

(Here is the revolutionary part.) 

Push when and to what degree your BODY TELLS YOU TO PUSH. 

If the urge is undeniable and strong, then do that.

If it is light and easy, do that. 

If it feels better to push, do that. 

If you feel a burning or the "ring of fire" then listen to that.  That is your body telling you to back off.  (See, you didn't need a book, your body KNEW what you needed.)

If you feel like holding your breath helps, then do that, it can give you more power.  If you feel like breathing it out helps, then do that. 

There is no one way to push a baby out just like there is no one way to handle labor sensations or parent a child. 

A few more pointers:

Remember that to be able to FEEL what your body needs to do you must me able to actually feel your body.  This means being unmedicated so that you are in touch with your bodies needs. 

Remember that the idea of purple or directed pushing (where everybody stares at the monitor and tells you what to do and when to do it) is an invention needed only because most women can't actually feel this part of their labor. 

Remember to push down and out your bottom.  Pushing out your face just gives you burst blood vessels and sore eyes.  (Been there, done that.  Nobody tells you that your actual eye balls can get sore from pushing, but it is true.)

Feel like vocalizing?  Great, but, in my experience, sometimes that vocal power can be better harnessed if rather than letting it escape out your mouth you push it out your bottom and use that power to get your baby out.  This is not true for everybody. 

Frequently asked questions:

What is pushing like?  Do women like it? 

This varies from one woman to the next.  Some love to push.  Sometimes it is painless.  For me, I never want to tell people this, but....... It is - freaking out, tear my head off, excruciating, I am pretty sure I am gonna die, kind of pain.  Thus the screaming and the pushing to get it over with.  

But don't be afraid.  It is different for everybody.  Full disclosure.  

 It looks like it really hurts.  Maybe I should get the drugs so I can't feel it.  

Well- remember that it is often painless but just hard work.  You won't know until you are there.  And remember, that if you can't actually feel- you get stuck with purple, directed pushing.  And also- you can't move.  That makes it hard to do the most athletic part of birth, wouldn't you think?


Not to mention that gravity is a good companion when pushing.  Plus, women who are numbed often push for longer or may need more external assistance.  They will not be aware of what their body is trying to tell them.  Don't think of pain as your enemy, think of it as your bodies way of communicating. 

How long does it take?  In the videos it looks real quick!

BWHAHAHAHAHA!  (Note,  I am not laughing at you personally, just at the perception throughout society that this is a super quick process.  It isn't always.) 

Pushing can take anywhere from a few minutes or less to hours.  I have personally pushed for anywhere from four hours (first baby) to one contraction (fourth baby).   Pushing often, but not always, takes less time with each baby.  I have talked to women who have pushed for as long as six hours and still delivered healthy babies vaginally.  Variation is the key. 

My doctor/midwife says that everybody should push in a certain way (on their back, on their side, in the classic or "C" position).  S/he has been doing this a long time, don't they know the best way to push?

Hmmm.  Do you find it disturbing at all that this person has decided before you are even in labor how you need to push your baby out?  To me this is a big red flag.  This is your birth.  This is your body.  This is also your decision.  Somebody who doesn't get that birth is instinctual and mother led, might not really understand birth, despite their degrees. 

The best rule of thumb, listen to your body.  If for some reason that doesn't work (there are always exceptions) then listen to a skilled and kind care provider.  A good care provider will offer advice when you need it and back off when you don't.

Listen to your body. 

The End

I keep trying to write books about birth but they end up being super short, because it is actually pretty simple.  LISTEN TO YOUR BODY.

This is why I am not rich and people who can write 300 pages about this, are.