Mama to Mama Wisdom: The First Birth, What You Need to Know

 On occasion  I like to ask for words of wisdom from Mama Birth's  Facebook community.  From the ladies themselves, here are some tips for preparing for a natural birth.

Enjoy! 

Hide in a bubble.  Work through fears placed on you by society, family, media, doctors, etc.
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Make a birth plan, choose the ones attending carefully, be prepared for things not going the way you dreamed them.
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Don't be afraid by all the things that 'they' say 'could' go wrong. Trust in your bodies ability to birth. Research the hospital's procedures and your OB or midwife's preferences, ask the c-section rate, when they induce, when they start pushing amniotomy, IV protocol, episiotomy rate and what circumstances they feel warrants needing one. Research research research, decide what you want, make a birth plan, and find out if they support your birth plan before you show up in labor.
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Simple - go with your instincts. If it doesn't feel right then don't do it. I don't regret a single decision because of that. 

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EDUCATE yourself!!! that is your best comfort in birth! KNOWING what's going on.... and hire a doula in case you forget cause your pushing a baby out... that does happen so don't be surprised when it hurts! it's normal!! your body is not the only one in labor! YOU ARE!! and if YOU are active in your labor your body will be able to do a better job!
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Trust your body. The process is intense, amazing, powerful, and personal. Enjoy it for what it is :)

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Do your research!
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Choose a midwife..and birth at home.

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Start your research BEFORE talking to a doctor... they may have your best interest at heart, but much of the teaching they receive is flawed & can set you up for failure.
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Get all the back issues of "Mothering Magazine" and empower yourself to have the kind of birth that you want. Takes wisdom and confidence to go against what "conventional" doctors want you to do. I birthed my first daughter at home 25 years ago this summer (frank breech at that). You can do it!!
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Educate yourself on ALL aspects of pregnancy and birth. Knowledge is power. Know your rights. Personally, I think that anyone who fully educates themselves would choose a midwife attended home birth. Home birth is just as safe - if not safer than a hospital birth.
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Read. See Business of Being Born. Check out Gentle Birth choices from library. Don't circumcise. Open your jaw and moan Ahhh during labor, helps open pelvis. Take 5W two weeks before due date. Have Coconut Water on hand at home or hospital to drink.
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(An explanation of what 5W is:  5W is a traditional herbal tonic taken during the last five weeks of pregnancy - to help tone the uterus, help prevent excessive bleeding, help to make the muscular tissue of the uterus more "elastic" to help prevent tearing.
Facilitates child birth. It is reported to give elasticity to the birth canal and vaginal area. It helps aid in the control of postpartum bleeding and helps speed the delivery of the placental afterbirth. It eases stress and the duration of labour and delivery. An excellent formula for expecting mothers to take during the last 5 weeks of pregnancy.
Black cohosh, Squaw Vine herb, Dong Quai root, Butchers Broom root, Red Raspberry leaves.)

Warning, bad pun to follow) Go with your gut! Do your homework and go with the ideas that YOU believe in and trust your body to do what it needs. If the practitioner (whom you hopefully have chosen because they share your beliefs) says one thing but you have a really strong feeling to the contrary, voice it.

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Your body knows exactly what to do. Don't let your head get in the way. 

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Mama Wisdom

One of the saddest things right now in our culture is that mother wisdom has not been passed down, especially about things concerning birthing and feeding our babies.  It extends on to parenting.  I love learning from other women, especially women who have raised their children into good, loving, adults.  Here are my favorite treasures of wisdom.


"Your children still want to do things with you."

My son's Waldorf Kindergarten teacher told me this a few months ago.  I mentioned how hard it was to get my son to get ready in the morning.  I would tell him to get dressed and eat breakfast, and then jump in the shower and get myself ready.  I would invariably come out to a kid still sitting around in his jammies playing with a stick or something.  Then there would be requisite frustration as I struggled to get us all out of the door on time.

Then his teacher just said this, "They want to do things with you.  Try getting dressed with them, there will be less resistance."

This has changed my life.  I am just so grateful to her for telling me this.  Instead of fighting and wondering why the kid "Just won't listen!" I just started inviting the children to do with me what I was doing. 

Guess what, they were so excited! 

It actually made me sad when I realized how much they had just been wanting to be with me (because they are still very young) and I had been pushing them away to do things alone.  I recognize when they are babies that they need closeness but as my children get older and more independent I had just assumed that since they could do it alone, they should.  But there is so much more joy in my life by following this simple advice. 

Now they help me prepare meals, clean, and all sorts of things.  I love the change this has created in my home.  Not only are they happier, but things get done faster because I am not constantly fielding their bickering, and I get a helping hand.  Plus, they are learning to do things and they enjoy their time with me. 


"Children do not get good self-esteem by being told how great they are, they get it from working."

This one is from my mom.  Maybe I partly like it because I hate verbal compliments, but it has shaped my parenting.  I love watching my kids figure things out and do things themselves.  I love to see them struggle to accomplish a task, and then see their satisfaction when they do it.  They feel a great sense of accomplishment when they do this and it builds their confidence in themselves. 

I am not a perfect parent, and sometimes I yell or am short with the kids.  It reassures me though that my children's self-esteem will not be damaged beyond repair because of my screw ups like this.  I sincerely believe that they will be (and are) confident people because they know that they can do things on their own, because I let them.

This means I let them fall down, get frustrated, and even sometimes some bumps and bruises.  I think it is so worth it though to have children that know they are worth something.

I see so often parents doing everything for their kids, not wanting to ever let them get hurt or be uncomfortable.  Then they wonder why the child has no faith in themselves and is timid and scared of life in general.  That is a tragedy.  I have also seen some of these people as adults.  Despite the fact that mom always told them how great they were, because she never let them actually BE great, they never believed it.  You can't have high self-esteem if you don't know how to get things done. 


"Your children turn out despite you, not because of you."
 
I have a wonderful friend who is a fantastic mother.  I have also had the opportunity to meet her mother (who raised six fantastic adults) and is somebody I admire because I know what great people she has mothered. 

I was at her home one day and said something about how I was messing up my son with all my mistakes.  Her reply was this, "Your children turn out despite you, not because of you."

This is so strangely comforting to me.  First, it means that I will make mistakes and they will be fine anyway.  Yes, they may have some "issues" but they will turn out.  Second, it reminds me that I am not as in charge as I like to think I am.  Even when they do turn out to be decent people, it will not be because I was such a great person and perfect mother.  It will be because of a lot of factors, many of which I can't possibly "take credit" for. 

Well, that's it folks.  Just a little note, all of these words of wisdom came from women who were done raising their children.  I am glad to have mothers around who are also raising young children to talk with and even commiserate with.  But I am doubly glad to have wise older women around who can see the end from the beginning.