"I'm Getting One of Those NATURAL C-Sections"

Just when I thought I had heard it all, somebody comes up with the idea of a "natural cesarean."

Yes, I realize that some women do NEED cesarean birth, and yes I realize that should it be needed, it should be as pleasant and family oriented as possible. But this idea is ludicrous.

What have they been doing to women so far? The cruel and unusual cesarean? The answer is YES. Most women who have c-sections experience them in a very traumatic way for many reasons.

The first problem with the gentle c-section is that all along they have been doing them with cruelty, excessive force, and no thought for the bonding or experience of the mother and family.

(Although, lets be real about this. When the c-section first started being used, it was only used in true EMERGENCY situations. If your baby needs to come out NOW, do you want the doctor to take extra time to make it a better experience? No- you want a baby that is alive. Thus the c-section.)

My guess- doctors were trained to do c-sections in case they were needed. However, things have obviously changed for the worse and they are being done ALL THE TIME when often not needed. So, despite the fact that they could be slower and more gentle, training is training and that is how things are done.

Here enters the natural or humane c-section.

Honestly this is how I see this playing out:

~~~

Scene 1- Mama at Doctor "L's" office for checkup-

Dr L-
"Upon doing your vaginal exam it looks like your pelvis is a little on the small side, and last weeks ultrasound shows that the baby is quite big. It may not be needed, but just so you are not surprised if it happens, there is a good chance you will need a c-section."

Mama-
"Umm what? I was planning on a natural birth. How can you tell already that I need a c-section? And I am really scared of surgery and needles and healing time..."

Dr L-
"What really matters is that you have a healthy baby, right? Anyway- you don't get any gold stars for going natural. After all, epidurals are good for babies.
And as far as the c-section goes, they have really come a long way. I now do "natural" c-sections so you can still have a great birth experience."

Mama-
"How can a cut in my abdomen be "natural"? That just doesn't sound like the normal way for a baby to come out.

Dr L-
"Oh, I'm glad you asked. Now when we do the section we bring the baby out slowly so it can adapt to life outside the womb, just like in a natural birth. And, you get to hold your baby right away (with the hand that isn't strapped down). It is a really pleasant experience."

Mama-
"So I can have a "natural" c-section...... Do your patients like this?"

Dr L-
"Oh yes, it is great for everybody. You still get to pick when you have your baby, but you get the bonuses of a peaceful birth experience without having to go through all that painful labor, just to have that end in a c-section. Truthfully, it is really hard for first time mom's to do it naturally and there is no reason to do it. Why not use the tools available to you? I mean, medicine can't be bad, we invented antibiotics!"

Mama-
"OK, well I will have to think about this. Thanks for preparing me before hand so I could get used to the idea. "

~~~

Once again, obstetrics, ACOG and modern medicine with twist something that could be used well for the few and make it something that everybody wants, that maximizes profit, makes scheduling easier, and continues to undermine and damage women and babies at their most vulnerable.

I want to PUKE. I wish something like this could really just be used in the instances where it was necessary. But remember what else is only rarely needed and yet used all the time....

I will give you the short list:

Pitocin

Epidurals

Inductions

C-sections

Formula

Cutting the VAGINA

Ultrasound

Fetal Monitoring

The powers that be have a horrid track record. It would be a miracle if they don't screw this up too.

A Little Soul- Home Birth, First Baby

Welcome to another Birth Story Wednesday!

Today we have a wonderful home birth. I love how it shows that everybody experiences birth differently. Mostly I love the end though, such a true statement about the wonder of birth, babies, and the endless connection we have with them.

Enjoy!

A friend of mine recently had a baby and posted her amazing home birth story within three days...(Elizabeth, I maintain that you are some sort of superwoman, if not THE Superwoman) and it inspired me to write out my home birth story... albeit 9 months late. Enjoy.

I was due August 17th. This day came and went. I wasn't ever overly uncomfortable in my pregnancy, it was more the excitement of wanting to meet this baby Kidd that made me antsy to get him...or her??...out.

On the19th my husband and I decided to go to Splash Montana for the day thinking perhaps the water slides just might inspire this little one to want to come out and see what the heck was going on. Down the slides we'd go, running up the stairs we went and on and on and on. After a fun-filled/exhaustive day we went on to Fort Missoula to play a little one on one.

I spared nothing. Running, jumping, hobbling was I, allllll over that court. Then, we walked the near mile around the park. Misery had now set in to my pubic bones. I may or may not have been shedding tears by the end of that mile.

The next day, no baby. BUT, by that night I awoke at 3am with my first real contractions. We began to time them (like all good first parents do) and within the hour they were lasting one minute and were 5 minutes apart. We called our amazing midwife, Sundhano, around 6:30am and she came about 7.

As soon as she arrived she checked me and much to my delight I was 5 centimeters! I labored on my bed til 10am when I got into the kiddie pool blown up in our living room just for the occasion. Clyde had been tirelessly filling it with a hose hooked up to our washing machine for about 2 hours... draining the hot water tank.

One of my big fears was that the water wouldn't be warm enough for me to get in because we would run out of hot water. It needed to stay between 98 and 103 degrees to get in. However it was 107! He added a touch of cold and I was good to go. Labor in the pool was like paradise... nearly...

Clyde was making Sundhano and I huckleberry smoothies in ice cream sundae cups... A few hours later I thought I'd like to know my progress and when she checked she noticed there was an anterior lip to my cervix. Basically the cervix was 'hung up' so to speak on the back/top of the baby's head. I will spare the details on how that needed to be resolved. Youch.

Also, my water hadn't broken and after being given the pros and cons to having her break it I decided to let her do it... why keep this baby in there any longer? She had a heck of a time breaking it... I was actually birthing the water bag and she still had a very hard time breaking it. After 4 or 5 tries though it worked. By 4pm my contractions were 1 minute apart... transition had set in and so had the tears.

At this point Sundhano suggested I get out of the pool (MUCH to my dismay) because gravity would now be a good thing to have on my side. Off to the birthing stool, which was set up in our bedroom, I went. I began to push despite NOT having the urge to push... I hear women say, "Oh you'll know when to push, you won't be able to not push..." and things like this.

Well, I never had that urge. Ever. I just decided it'd be a good idea to start pushing with each contraction. I pushed for a bit... maybe 30 minutes when Sundhano had her doppler heart monitor on me to check the baby's heartbeat. It'd been about 140 beats per minute and this particular time when we heard it it was about 70 b/min. She didn't panic or say that this was a bad thing necessarily, but I perceived that it was bad and I decided that this baby was coming out on the next push.

Lo and behold, out came a 7 lb baby in the next push... and he hadn't even been crowning yet. Clyde was on the floor next to Sundhano this whole time and got to be so involved in the entire process, which was so priceless. She handed me a screaming little baby boy and about 10 seconds after I had him in my arms he completely stopped crying and looked directly into my face with these big, dark blue eyes.

I knew he knew me and I knew I'd always known him... like his soul had always been a part of me but now was realized by inhabiting this tiny, perfect baby. And a love that I'd never known before this moment came spilling out of me... our baby, baby Ellis, was born.

Breasts, Beyond Playboy (The Things Nobody Tells You)

Birth has show me so many new things that my body is capable of.....some I would rather forget.

~The sisters are now independently movable. You must now line up the headlights before leaving the house- (You wouldn't want them pointing in opposite directions now would you?)

~You may be capable of lying on your back and nursing a child lying to your side. Seems impossible, but actually, can be done.

~You now realize why older women have difficulty finding a bra that "fits." Bra shopping is much easier when they actually hold themselves up.

~You can get stretch marks on places OTHER than your stomach. And lots of them.

~You can carry a role of quarters with no hands (don't make me explain this.)

~Going running? Buy two bras.

~Need to nurse a child strapped in a car seat? No problem!

~Of course, you can now sustain human life. So that is the bonus...

Someday

Someday-

I will eat a meal by myself and wish I had little ones to share it with.


I will take a lonely shower and wonder where everybody went.


I will miss the noise.


I will sit and knit without somebody tangling the yarn behind me.


I will go to the grocery store alone, and feel like people don't really know who I am because they don't know I am a mother.


I will have clean shoulders, but they will be cold.


I will wish for more to do around the house.


I will wake up in the  morning after sleeping all night long, but the room next to mine will be empty.


I will finish the laundry.... and it will stay finished for a day or so.


I will have clean floors but will hear no pitter patters of little feet just learning to walk.


Someday I will have to rediscover who I am without the constant companionship of little people,


but not today.

You Got An Epidural! We Can't Be Friends!

I have always been irritated by hovering, competitive parents who scream at their children during sports events.

My son has started BMX bike racing and he loves it.  I was at the track watching him the other night and I saw a dad stand up and literally yell down on his son to pass another child.  These boys were probably six or seven years old.  The turns on the track are banked really high because the kids get going very fast.  Passing somebody on the turn is a little tricky because you will literally be right below or above them going full speed, and sometimes gravity works better than your bike.

His son listened to him and tried to pass the other boy and they had a great big wreck with both boys on the ground.

I was so mad.  If I had been next to that man I probably would have opened up my mouth and told him what I thought.  Do you want to know what I thought?  Beware, I can be nasty.

In my head:

"What an A@@##LE!  I can't believe that man just endangered children so that he could MAKE his son win a friendly practice race!!!!  What kind of person does that?!"

I of course had never met the man but I was pretty sure from this brief six seconds of watching him that he was a total waste of space.

Fast forward only about five minutes.  (Did I mention that I was there with no hubby watching my two other children, aged one and three?)

A few minutes later my son falls off his bike on one of the hills.  I was on the other side of the track and since I had my two little ones with me I could not go to help him.  There were just too many other riders and I did not want my girls to get hurt.

I was watching my son from a distance struggle to get back on his bike on this hill and guess what, only one person helped him.  You got it, the man who I was silently cursing literally ran across the track to get my boy back on  his bike and going again.

I was so grateful and of course totally humbled.  Here I was thinking that this putz had no right to take up space on the planet and he is the only person to be there for my son when I can't be.

Later on I heard him apologizing to the father of the other child who was in the wreck with his son because he felt like his yelling had caused the accident.

And your point is....

If you are a natural birth nut like myself you have probably thought or even said a few of these things:

"My labor was longer than that and I didn't get an epidural."

"So you are too small to have your babies vaginally....hmmm."

"You did not need that c-section!"

"You couldn't breastfeed?!  Because your 'breasts don't work.'  Who told you that?!"

"How would you like it if somebody cut off the tip of your finger while you screamed?"

Hopefully you are all better and less judgmental people than me, but on the off chance that you can see yourself in the above, I will continue.

This little episode at the BMX track really made me think about the way I jump to conclusions about people.  I was convinced that I was absolutely RIGHT.  Still, I probably would not ever yell at my child to crush somebody in a competition.

However, just because my weaknesses are different than this other guy's, does not mean he is the devil and I am the best.  It showed me that there is often more to people than we can see at first glance.  It was also a reminder of how glad I am on the rare occasion when I manage to keep my mouth shut when my head is  telling me to show somebody how wrong they are. 

I might be right about birth, breastfeeding, circumcision, and all of that.  That does not however mean that I have any idea why other people make the choices they do.  It also does not mean that they are not trying.  Nor am I better at everything than they are.  Maybe X comes easy to me.  Or maybe I am good at sticking with things.  Obviously I have flaws that are other peoples strengths.

I have seen women that I genuinely had a hard time being friends with because their parenting and birth choices were so counter to everything that I believe.  I have also seen these same women have a seemingly easy time being a wonderful organized mother or a fantastic caring and sensitive wife, things that I struggle with daily.

I know, deep thoughts at the dirt track tonight.  I am humbled to realize how often I have to learn the same lessons.  Namely, 1) don't judge, especially when you 2) don't know enough to judge, and 3) you never know enough to judge.

We help more women when we reach out with love rather than judgment and distaste.  We show peaceful, loving parenting by being that kind of person.  We change hearts and minds when we share our experiences without discounting those of others.  Things can change, but it will start with us.  The spread of feminine wisdom that has been lost will change the world.  But we must remember our own imperfections while we teach.

10 Ways To Prepare A Mom For a Great Birth

A little while ago I did a post on how women are so often prepared for a bad birth experience.  As I end a series of childbirth classes this week, I have been thinking about all the things I want my students to be sure they know so that they can have a great birth.  Here it is. 

1)  Treat your pregnancy, despite the inevitable aches and pains, like a miracle and a blessing. 
Your body was perfectly designed to do something majestic: to grow another human being.  Remember that when you have heart burn, back pain and swollen ankles.

2)  Stretch marks fade, so don't worry about them too much. 
Your body is meant to change with pregnancy and stay different FOREVER.  Maybe this is to remind us when we are older of the amazing things that we did.  Maybe it keeps our focus on the things that are important, family and children and sacrifice.  You will be beautiful and healthy without looking like a pre-teen. 

3)  Don't pay attention to your labor too soon. 
It takes time for a reason.  It starts slow so that you know it is time for the baby!  And- so you have time to get things ready before you go to your birth place.  Have fun with it, don't panic, enjoy your last moments with your partner and your other kids. 


4)  JUST BREATHE
 I know that there are a million ways to comfort a laboring woman and a million relaxing things to think about and poems and scripts.  The most important thing to do is just to breathe deeply and naturally like you would if you were exercising.  Focus on breathing OUT any tension that you may have.  It sounds crazy but it works.  A good birth can be as simple as mastering this.   

5)  Move
Some women experience painless labor.  Some don't.  But if you do have what you would call pain- remember that is not your body or your baby trying to punish you.  It is not time to get drugs.  It is even more important now NOT to get medicated.  The reason is that the pain is telling you something, and it is usually telling you to move.  Move so you are comfortable, move so it doesn't hurt, move to move your baby down.  Labor is a beautiful dance between you and your baby.  He is teaching you to work with him, even before he is born.  Listen. 

6)  Face your fears and let go of them.
Virtually everybody in this country is afraid of birth for one reason or another.  Fear will cause tension which will make your labor painful because relaxation is key to a painless birth.  If you have heard terrible stories, if you have control issues with your body, if you have been abused or raped, or if you have had traumatic births in the past, or anything else that could cause you to be scared of labor and letting go, deal with it now.  Birth is not to be feared.  When you get through it you will feel stronger than ever. 

7)  Give in to your labor, but don't give up on a good experience.
I hear women say all the time, "I want a natural birth, but... if it doesn't happen that is OK too."  It is OK, but that doesn't mean you should give up on the things you desire when the going gets tough, or when you get lots of pressure from those around you.  It is a MUST to give into your body and your labor.  But don't give up on a great birth because it is hard at times. 


8)  Babies come when they are ready.
Oddly this concept has become totally foreign in our culture!  Yes there are reasons to induce, and sometimes post dates is even one of them.  That being said, there is ample evidence that babies start labor and that they do so when they are ready to breathe and come out.  Even so called "natural induction" techniques can start a labor when it is not quite ready, can drag things out, and they send the subtle message that your body is not going to do things on its own. 


9)  Trust your instincts.  
Every woman is different, and so is every experience.  Maybe you need an IV to have a natural birth.  Maybe you carry your babies to 43 weeks.  Maybe your baby needs to come out posterior.  Listen to the voices inside you, and not all the fear mongers outside of you.  Other people can not always know what is wrong or right for you.  Some interventions might be necessary for you, others not, but listen to your inner voice and remember above all that birth is a natural process that most often can happen on its own in a rice paddy or a back alley. 


10)  We can't control everything.
Some women give birth exactly as they had planned, but many don't.  You can have a great empowering birth even if things did not go exactly as you had planned in your head or on paper.  I had a fantastic natural hospital birth that included an episiotomy and an iv and post-partum hemorrhage.  It was still a great birth that made me feel like I could do anything, even though it included three things specifically forbidden in my birth plan. 

Rarely things will go VASTLY different than you had wanted, even if you do everything right.  It is OK to mourn the loss of a birth that you wanted for you and your baby.  Mourning that loss does not make you selfish.  It is a righteous desire to want a natural birth and is is deeply sad when you don't get it. 

Both natural or surgical birth can teach us an important lesson for being mothers: that we don't always get to pick how things go, because we don't always know what is best.  You can't control a baby or a child, and trying to do so will just make motherhood miserable.  Labor teaches us the same lesson, and like many of life's lessons, it can be hard. 




For the partner-
I want the dads to remember four things for their laboring partner:
1)  She can do this, and so can you.  Just having you there is helpful as long as you love her. 
2) Your fear will affect her- so don't be afraid or hire a doula if you feel like that would help you. 
3) Remind her to drink fluids after all contractions in hard labor.
4) Remind her to pee at least every hour in hard labor- it will keep her moving and relieve pressure and pain. 

"You Don't Get Any Gold Stars for Having a Natural Birth"

"You don't get any gold stars for having a natural birth."

UGH-
I will not justify the above idiotic quote with any more media attention for the moronic health care provider who stated it (or something similar), but I do have a few responses.  Feel free to use them if somebody dares insinuate that you desire natural births for your children because of something as silly as social approval or attention from others.

****** 

~No, but my baby got one, because he was born without being pumped full of drugs.

~Believe it or not, I actually chose a natural birth because it is healthier for mom and baby, not for a sticker that I wanted.  I did not have the birth of my child confused with a first grade spelling test.

~Do you get gold stars for your heavily medicated, date chosen induction, fear based, birth decisions?  I didn't think so. 

~I don't vaccinate either, do you think I am doing that because I want my body to look like Jenny McCarthy's?

~I will not respond to that with violence or hatred, because despite how ignorant and dismissive it sounds,  I am trying to raise my "gold star baby" to be loving and turn the other cheek.

~No, I received no gold stars, but I did have a fabulous, empowering, climactic birth experience and a happy alert baby, unlike so many women out there who choose to listen to care providers who tell them that their bodies don't work right.

~I didn't give birth naturally for a gold star, I was actually hoping Riki Lake would be my friend...

~I chose natural birth because it is so obviously the way birth is meant to be.

~Actually, I just believe in a woman's incredible ability to grow, birth, and feed her babies without the help of man, machines, or sharp objects. 

~Why do you find it offensive that I had a natural birth? 

~I chose natural birth because I was more afraid of the horror stories I heard about MEDICATED birth than I was about the supposed PAIN of natural birth.

~I teach natural childbirth classes.  I think you would be a great candidate for them....Call me next time you are pregnant.  You too can have a gold star!