What It Means To Be A Mother

I remember when I first found out I was pregnant with my oldest.  I was filled with such a sense of wonderment.   

Awe.  

People talk about pregnant brain and pregnant women forgetting things and being silly and thoughtless.  Some attribute it to a deficiency in fish oils or a dietary mishap.  

But I don't think that is always what it is.  I couldn't concentrate because nothing else mattered to me.  I was going to be a mother.  

It was distracting.  Here I was, all my life, having lived in my own body, all by myself.  Then suddenly, I am sharing it with another.  I could sense him there, before he ever moved.  It is a feeling I couldn't explain really.  But, a miracle it was.  Two people, two spirits, together as one, even if just for a while.  

Somebody asked me what it was like, being pregnant.  

All I could describe was this notion that I was now part of some huge global sisterhood.  This may sound somewhat emotional or foolish, but it amazed me.  

I felt like I was part of something so much bigger than me.  It was both so very everyday, and still managed to be incredible.  I felt a bond with women around me that I had never really noticed before.  

We were all mothers.  We all loved our children.  

Amazing.  I had never felt such a kinship with strangers ever before.  

People complain about the public property you seem to become when you openly carry a child around in front of you.  But really, it was something incredible all by itself.  Suddenly women I had never met were telling me about their children, their grandchildren, their births, their loves and disappointments.  

They  must have felt it to, this excitement over the growing of a child.  

Do you know, I think I forgot about this.  I think I forgot some of the wonderment of motherhood as the days wore on and I had not one, but two and three and now four children.  

It became so everyday that it was just....normal.  

Then of course, I spend far to much time in front of my computer.  Suddenly motherhood was less about sisterhood and joy and more about who does what and what we think of that.  Maybe with a little taking offense and giving offense thrown in for good measure.  

But you know what, I got a chance.  A chance to remember.  

I got it tonight as I started another series of natural birth classes.  What a beautiful gift to see couples who are excited and preparing to give birth, meet together and prepare joyfully for one of life's greatest events.  

Tonight as I saw these five different couples talk and share their hopes and their fears and their excitement, I remembered again.  I remembered that same feeling.  

Oh my gosh, I hope I never forget it.  

I hope I always remember what a joy it is to be a mother.  

I hope I always remember the excitement and the awe and the yearning to learn all about it and explore the world again through your child.  

I hope I never forget the closeness it brings to a couple to bring something forth that is a little bit of each of them, and yet it's own thing altogether. 

If I have offended you or been harsh or unkind, I want to apologize.  

I remember now, and I will always try to remember, that we are all mothers.  

And mothers love their children.