Obstetric Lie # 91- "We're All Gonna' Die!!!!"

Fear

I was on a plane one time with some interesting backround noise. It happened to be a very turbulent flight so even if you were used to flying, it was bumpy and alarming more so than a normal flight would have been. A few rows behind me were two little boys, maybe five and eight years old.

I am pretty sure it was their first time on a plane and they were a little nervous, to say the least. But once we started hitting those bumps, boy did they step it up a notch.

I could hear one of them (well, the entire plane could hear them) every time things got bumpy moaning in a loud voice, "I knew it! We're all gonna die!!"

I admit, I felt sorry for these boys, but it was really kind of funny. It was so cute how worried they were. Or maybe I tried to giggle a little to release some of my own tension about the flight. What was interesting was that their fear, seemed to be contagious.

I have been flying since I was a child. It doesn't scare me on an intellectual or an emotional level. Still, to be in an enclosed space with another human expressing very real fear inevitably instills some fear in those around them- even if you know it is irrational and especially if it is already a somewhat nerve racking situation.

Obstetrics

If you are wondering what the heck I am talking about, I'm getting there.

When I talk to birthing women we call this the "dead baby card." It is the threat, given by an obstetrician, that your baby or you or both of you, are in imminent danger of death- IF you don't do one of the following:

~Get induced~
~Take a test~
~Put drops in the babies eyes~
~Have a c-section~
~Get some pitocin to "speed things up"~
~Get some medication~
~Have the baby in the hospital~
Or any number of other things that can result in a horrid outcome if you don't follow orders.

When I teach classes, families are scared that this will be pulled on them. They haven't had any children but they have heard about this. They know they want a natural birth but far more than that, what they want is a healthy baby and a healthy mom. Despite some of the junk you will hear from the anti- natural folks, the reason people choose to go natural is because they believe it will be better than an intervention filled birth, not just emotionally, but physically for both parties.

All these parents have heard friends talk about very high tech births where there was lots of "need" for intervention to prevent imminent death. Their question is often, "How do I know if the intervention I am told I need is real or just a threat?"

(On a side note, what a sad state of obstetrics we have when people with no experience with the system are fearful of trusting their care provider because they believe they may be lied to just so somebody else doesn't get sued or inconvenienced with a weekend birth.)

Thus the dead baby card or the "We're all gonna' die" mentality that we see so pervasively not just in obstetrics but thought much of modern medicine today. This could also be called fear tactics or psychological warfare or manipulation if used inappropriately when there is not a real pressing risk.

Truthfully

The truth is that this isn't actually an obstetric lie - we are in fact, ALL GOING TO DIE. I hate to be the bearer of bad news because we all fear death, particularly that of our children. It does however happen.

Maybe this is why the threat of death carries so much weight. It is real. We all know somebody who has died or lost a child or miscarried. This could happen to us.

So my answer to people when they wonder how to know if this is a real or imagined threat is this:
Do everything you can to stay low risk. Eat well, take care of yourself, study, learn, do your exercises, practice relaxation so that medications are not needed for you to relax. Find out the true risks and benefits of obstetric interventions.
Then, choose a care provider that you can truly trust. You may want to ask around, get good references, get to know not just the care provider but the birth place policies, ask them questions and at some point, trust your intuition.

Lastly

In the end though, there is some inherent risk to birth. This sounds awful to say, because I actually believe that birth is also inherently safe, normal, natural and everyday. I am not saying we shouldn't trust birth. But we must realize that there is an element of it that we can not control.

We must also realize that medical professionals are often people who have seen things go terribly wrong, sometimes quickly. Their fear, is often real. Does this make them bad people? No. It makes them people well trained if things go wrong. Sometimes though it also makes them people who have never seen normal natural birth or who are trained so well in pathology, that they see it everywhere.

We all have to feel comfortable with the risks we take in birth. They exist. Are there risks to going post dates? Yes, there are. VBAC- yes again. Home birth- for sure. There also happen to be risks associated with induction, repeat c-section, and hospital births in hospitals that have 30, 40 or 50% c-section rates. What risks are you comfortable with? Which risks are more risky? Do some intense research, you might be surprised how statistics get twisted around when somebody is trying to convince you you need something. What risks seem most real to you? How much do you trust your care provider?

Back to my story in the beginning though. Is there risk in flying on a plane? Yes. Are we all going to die? Yes again. (And here is the important part) Despite the relative safety of flying with the inevitable risk of death, is it fun to be on a plane with somebody who keeps reminding you that death is on the horizon? Does that mentality encourage rational decision making? Does it encourage emotional upset and fear that is unnecessary? Is the "We're all gonna' die" sentiment something you want to be part of your birth?

Wishing you a healthy, happy, low risk and fear free birth.

I May Be A Hypocrite, But I Am In Good Company

Hypocrisy. Everybody hates it. Except me.

I consider myself a hypocrite. It isn't something I am proud of, but I don't think I am alone in being one, so at least the company is good.

Here is the thing. In life I am striving for perfection. I will never get there. But when you are shooting for perfection (awesome wife, patient mom, loving daughter, amazing member of my church, healthy eater, etc) hypocrisy is inevitable. When perfection is the standard, hypocrisy just comes along for the ride.

For example:
I believe in being humble, kind, slow to anger, understanding, loving and basically wonderful in every way. I want to and know I should be a fantastic Christian woman.
In reality, I have a temper. I get angry at people. Sometimes I yell. Sometimes I get so irritated that I forget that I am supposed to be loving and kind because I am so sure that I am right and person X needs me to set them straight.

Or:
I love the Brewer diet. I talk about all the benefits and the perfect way to do it in every class. I tell people no sweets, healthy protein, no white flour or junk food, lots of fruits and vegetables.

I really mean it- but I feel like a total tool when I am teaching when I am pregnant and I am having a weird donut binge phase so serious that my children yelp with joy when we go to the grocery store and they see those beautiful, tiny, glistening glass doors filled with puffy white deep fried, sugar soaked goodness......

No it doesn't stop there:
I adore my kids. They are the best thing in my life. They have given me my passion for birth and motherhood and all the things that matter.
But sometimes I get so wrapped up in telling the world how important all this birth and motherhood stuff is that I let my own beauties run amuck or I just don't notice some of the precious moments because I am so wrapped up writing about life that I don't live it.

More! It's true:
I swear by the pregnancy exercises. You know, pelvic rocking, squatting, daily exercise, Kegels, etc. I know they make a big difference in labor and birth and physical preparation.
At the end of the day though, it is pretty dang hard to kneel and do 200 pelvic rocks. Or walking a mile or two each day when pregnant with your fourth baby! Oh my gosh, you don't know what pressure is until you have done this. Can everything just fall out? It seems possible.

~

But I am not apologetic. I want to strive for perfection in my life, in my roles, in my religion. I want to always be shooting for something that is greater than I can ever really reach. Striving is important for life. The opposite is seems to be apathy. I don't want to be apathetic. I don't want to stop caring and I don't want to be fine with mediocre. I don't want to never disappoint myself just because I never set the bar above what I could reach. It might feel better in the short run, but in the long run I will fall short of what I could have done.

If that makes me a hypocrite, then I can live with that. One thing I know I can't live with is never bothering to try. Plus, I don't mind the company. Sometimes I hear people say things about how religious people or natural parenting people don't fit just how they should into a certain mold. They don't like them because they are hypocrites. But I love being surrounded by other people who are not afraid to strive for more than they can reach. It is fine with me if they screw up and live below their own standards. I know they are trying. I know they have their own weakness and trials. I hope they can forgive me for mine.

(And yes, I realize that no matter how much I would like to believe that the Cadbury cream eggs I ate for breakfast somehow fulfilled my Brewer diet egg requirement, it just will never be.)

11 Things Invented By People With No Kids

(Note- this list is not comprehensive or in any way correct. Feel free to be offended, especially if you are an inventor or if you have no kids.)

~Mini-blinds~ If I have to explain this you just wouldn't understand. (Don't those mini blinds in the picture look attractive? The ones in my house do not look like that anymore.)

~Nail polish~ Seems like a good idea. Until it is on your towels, floor, wall, clothing, etc. Or if you are at a place in life where you wash your hands compulsively (but you are not obsessive-compulsive, you are just always touching bodily fluids) and so applying it on yourself is a useless exercise.

~Easy to open refrigerators~ I have cleaned not one, but TWO eggs off the floor today. Yes, the 20 month old likes eggs. She just doesn't get that you can't eat them right out of the fridge.

~Ovens with all the knobs at waist level~ Really? Did anybody think this one through? A child under the age of two can do horrid things to a home when the knobs are accessible on a stove. I'm no stove engineer, but couldn't they just be up above the burners?

~Any food with food coloring or high fructose corn syrup in it~ I am constantly amazed at how quickly my kids get a cold or just plain act like lunatics after consuming something with this crap in it. It isn't even food. Don't put it in food. And don't feed it to my kids!

~All those "educational" toys~ Yes, I know that a good, responsible, loving mother is supposed to enjoy puzzle pieces, fake dinosaur bones buried in clay, and any toy that makes a huge mess or is easy to choke on. I guess I am just not at the top of my game when it comes to this. Why oh why am I perfectly satisfied with kids who play with sticks, empty toilet paper rolls or dirt? I must just not care about their education.

~Toys that light up or make noise~ Also known as "grandma toys" because grandma (or childless uncles I have noticed) are always buying these. Believe it or not, my life is actually quite loud and capable of inducing seizures or panic attacks WITHOUT the addition of toys that make their own kind of crazy. Again, I am just fine with brown boxes and imagination. Call me crazy.

~Batteries~ They seem like a good idea. Apparently they also seem like something that a toddler would really like to suck on too. Blech.

~Crayons~ I know. I sound grumpy today, don't I?! But crayons drive me nuts. They are often (depending on the age of the child) 1) Consumed (though it does make for very interesting diaper changes) or 2) Used to make art on the wall (Did I say I liked them to use their imagination? I meant, within reason.)

~Carpet~ I know, carpet seems innocent enough. It might even keep down the noise in a house or provide a nice cozy feel. It has a darker side though. Just go look at any of the apartments I have ever lived in. (Actually, considering how much I paid upon move out to replace the carpet, they should look beautiful by now.) Another fun fact- some types of yellow fruit punch, actually turn bright pink when spilled on white carpet. It's true.

~Lip Balm~ I confess, I was once a lip balm addict. I loved the stuff. I would buy it in bulk at big box stores. Those beautiful shiny tubes of flavored wax goodness could be found all over my house. Then I had a child (just one mind you) and......They just all got destroyed. Many were eaten. As it turns out they taste good. Also, they are super duper fun to stick your finger or other objects in. Also, that twisty thing on the bottom.....very cool. I don't even bother buying lip balm any more. I no longer have shiny lips that taste faintly of cherry.....Ahh, the things a mother sacrifices.

Well, I have to go now. My kids are outside riding bikes rather than playing with educational toys or common household items that for some reason contain acid. Ta ta for now!

Birth Story- Roman's Birth

Fantastic well written birth story with an amazing slide show today! Enjoy! (Here is the link for the slide show.)

http://youtu.be/r5i5BCaTqNg

Roman's story

I've come to recall that I have yet to share Roman's story here. I think I've personally read it over 500 times, I still get goosbumps remembering the emotions I was going through at every single moment. So here it is, the beautiful birth of Roman Alexander.


Friday September 17, 2010



I wake up feeling a strong contraction and peel open my eyes to see what time it is; it's 5:30, right on time. Every morning for the past 2 weeks I have woken up with an alarmingly-full bladder that instigates a fierce pattern of "rushes" for the following hours of the day, and today is no different. Now the trick, getting out of bed. Not only do I have to roll off of a very firm and unfamiliar bed with my creaky, loose pelvis and oddly shaped body, AND a full bladder, but I have to navigate a bedroom that isn't as familiar as mine by the dim orange glow of an alarm clock. I carefully lift my feet off of the ground with each step as to not trip over anything I'm not aware of in my zombie state, like my son who I find sprawled across the floor as I nearly tumble over him. I could have potentially crushed the little stinker's bones with my recently accumulated weight; I guess he decided the air mattress was no longer comfortable. I walk through the next contraction holding my fluids as tightly as I can, and I find relief despite the sudden shock of a very cold toilet seat.

Back to bed, but first I must lift the baby-beast back onto the air mattress, and without waking him; 'tis a tricky task at hand. Against the odds, I am successful at not waking him and I creep back into bed next to my slumbering love and manage to curl myself into the crook of his arm; just the tiniest bit of real closeness we get since my body has been taken over by the girth of my gestating belly. I think, before I close my eyes, "today is not the day."


I open my eyes again around 8:30, still feeling the twinges of contractions. It's Friday, and Dave only has to work until noon. Glorious half-day Fridays, I only have to chase around Victor for a few hours by myself. Everyone is out of the house for the day so I was really on my own to handle my energetic boy. We had been staying with my best friend Lauren and her family who had been kind enough to open their home to us since Tuesday because they only live about 30 minutes from The Birth Center, compared to our 2+ hours from Jersey City. Needless to say, the last days of pregnancy are the longest days of your life.

Every contraction is a tease, every time you pee you carefully inspect the toilet paper for any signs of mucus plug or the tiniest hint of "show," and find yourself incredibly impatient by the end of every day and defeated when you lay your head down to sleep wanting this joyous "ride" to come to a halt; you're ready to get off the train, baby in your arms. But today is different. Something is brewing, I know this as I chase Victor around the back yard and watch the dog torment herself with a blue ball she can't quite get her mouth around, one that we have had for quite a few months, maybe even since Christmas, hiding from her jaws in the car as we save it for trips to the park and let it reside in there. Victor loses interest in the dog and ball, as she's a terrible sharer, and fixates himself on the swing set in the neighbor's yard. I follow him and listen to him scream 'weeeee' as he points to the swings and I lean against a tree with a contraction that I can feel in my back and legs. I know it's nothing, yet. I hear a pop; there goes the blue ball, it deflates after it's decent run of the better part of a year and I think, symbolically, "maybe today is the day."


Dave and I decide to go to lunch and visit our hometown area, we see familiar faces of the friends we have made at our long-run at a very sentimental restaurant. Dave and I met here, fell in love here, and announced our elopement here. We worked through our first pregnancy here, and when I stopped working Victor and I made many visits to Dave here as he continued to bartend two nights a week here. We celebrated Victor's first birthday here, which happened to be the day we found out I was pregnant again. We have such history here, and it had been a while since our last visit. Life felt right sitting on the patio eating lunch with our small family on the cusp of expansion. Change is what we do, here, at this familiar restaurant.

After lunch we take a break, and while I'm still having contractions, they are nothing to write home about; they had been coming inconsistently like this for weeks. We decide to take a nice long walk, and Victor goes down for a good nap; he's terribly off schedule. It's about 5:15 and I'm ready to try to pattern these contractions into something more. We take some quiet time to ourselves while the house is still, and as Dave dozes off I decide to take a hot shower to see if things will pick up. I am two days away from the due date I estimated, and four days off from the due date my midwives use to give me extra time to gestate if I need it. We're anticipating a decent-sized baby, but no one ever knows for sure. All I know is I'd feel awful about myself if I gained nearly 40 pounds for anything less than Victor's size at 8 pounds 2 ounces and 20 inches long. Things get intense after my shower, but still no pattern, and more importantly, I can do anything and everything through each contraction. I sigh and know for sure it's not today. The house becomes more alive as Dave wakes from his nap and the house fills with it's residents as dinner time approaches. I bail on my brother who offered to entertain us with his wife and my niece, I feet bad but I just want to relax.

What better way to relax than a taboo glass of red wine? It was delicious. Time creeps on as I milk every last drop of the divine, body-warming elixir. The contractions are here and there, and I continue to chat with Lauren about how this could be it, but I'm not totally sure..."something has to be coming as my due date is approaching, and my belly couldn't be any lower; the baby has been sitting at a zero station since around 38 weeks, maybe lower now, something HAS to be happening soon, right?" Everyone suggests I get in the hot tub to relax, and Lauren and I are gung-ho about getting in. I manage to find something to wear in the water, as I wasn't prepared with a bathing suit in our bulging suitcase. We get in, jets powered on to full force and aimed directly at my lower back, until I feel too warm for comfort, I guess about an hour goes by. We have frequent visits from Dave and Victor, and Lola of course, all who seem as though they are clamoring to get in, but let me enjoy my time of relaxation. Lauren and I finally get out; the Phillies game has ended so Dave has already made his way up to the bedroom with Victor, and I am beyond wiped out. I fight to stay awake to put Victor to sleep on the air mattress, and then crash into the bed as fast as I can.


Saturday

I'm awakened from my deep sleep with an intense contraction, I was in a fully relaxed state and not prepared for it's intensity. Looking at the clock and seeing it is just 3 am I am slightly confused as this is not the normal 5:30 wake up I am used to; Oh, wait, I forgot about the wine and glasses of water that I chugged following the time in the hot tub, so I brush off the time. I feel like I am half-paralyzed walking to the bathroom, the combination of contraction and full bladder is crippling. I make it back to bed, but the contractions are about six minutes apart; I toss and turn, and get on my hands and knees, I just can't get comfortable, and I am no where near ready to get up for the day but apparently I have no choice. I sweep my fingers gently across Dave's face to wake him lightly and whisper "I'm going downstairs to try to get more comfortable." He never opens his eyes but tells me he loves me and to let him know if I need anything from him. I love this man. I creep down the stairs excitedly, this is it. I let Lola out of her "chamber" so I have some company, and do what any pregnant woman would do when she can't sleep: turn on some sort of pregnancy show that TLC or Discovery Health airs OnDemand. I'm starving, so I inhale the left over grilled turkey-reuben I left in the fridge from our lunch outing. It's about 5 am and my contractions are anywhere from six to ten minutes apart and I start dozing off. I'm laying on my side and the contractions are really uncomfortable, but the dog is sleeping on my feet, so I tough it out and stick to laying on my side, the contractions seem to be spacing out anyway and I should be able to sleep through them soon.

I doze off until I hear Lauren's dad come down the stairs and realize the house will soon be awake, and I'm right. I'm spoiled by Lauren's mom who wants to make us breakfast. Blueberry pancakes and breakfast sausage; how scrumptious, what a perfect first meal on the day to have a baby. The contractions are spacing out, but still I can tell, today is the day. The intensity of the contractions are increasing despite their spacing. Every contraction I stand and chant "open" to myself over and over, and I embrace every one that my body produces. After a trip to the bathroom, I am delightfully surprised with a pink tinged swipe. Today IS the day. I start crying; I am overjoyed to know I am in labor, and today we will finally be meeting our baby. But the question remains, WHEN?


I speak to the midwife on-call and find out it's Trina, my favorite, and on backup is Gazelle, even better. Gazelle was there for me when I had my stress-induced false alarm at 38 weeks, and Trina was there to catch Victor when he was born, so either midwife would be fantastic. Today is a good day to have a baby. Lauren goes upstairs to get ready to leave for babysitting. I can't have the baby until after 5 pm, if I want her to be there again, which of course I do. She is not just any friend, she is my sister friend, I need her there, her presence is something supportive. She comes downstairs to announce that the mom she is sitting for called her and said she doesn't need her today. Everything is falling into place, all the worries I had about my support crew not being available are now in the distance. The only thing I need now are some good contractions, OH and to drop Victor off to my mother. I make arrangements with my mom to meet up and drop Victor off to her, we get to our destination and switch the car seat over to her car. Victor does NOT want to get in his seat, as usual. I hug him good bye and tell him I love him, but none of that makes it "ok" as he sees mommy and daddy drive away without him. I see his face of panic, and screaming, and I start bawling. It hits me hard, I feel so guilty leaving him, only to see him tomorrow and have changed his world forever in the meantime.

We get back to Lauren's house around noon and I need to relax after the upset of dropping Victor off, my contractions are so far apart but intense none the less. A family friend of Lauren's comes over for a bit, she's due in November, and looks at me like I'm mad as I clench the ottoman and squat through the contractions, breathing heavily, and tell her it's really not that "bad" just something you do. I'm trying not to scare her, she seems terrified enough about what's to come. After she leaves, Lauren and I go for a walk.

I'm practically marching through contractions on the walk, they go to two minutes apart at one point but not for long, and I feel so good and I'm coping so well and I am pumped up at the thought of having this baby. They space out again once we get back, rats, This is just like things have been the past few weeks. I see Dave sitting on the couch, he looks so ready, but calm. I'm not sure how much time goes by, but I'm suddenly tired and trying to relax, WHEN is this going to happen already? I lay down and put a heating pad on my back, I get maybe about 10 minutes rest before the next contraction comes, I know something is going on as my body is taking over and I find myself leaning hard into the ottoman with this contraction, and suddenly the noise I make is low and from deep within. I don't know where the pattern is, screw the pattern, we need to leave soon. No one is timing, we're just glancing at the clock, but Dave tells me the past few contractions are almost 90 seconds long. It's about 3:45 now and I get up despite just wanting to nap, I call the midwife and she says I sound great, but she agrees it's time to come in when I tell her how intense the contractions are. Gazelle is going to meet me at The Birth Center.

Labor and Birth


I only have two contractions in the 30 minutes it takes to get there. I notify our photographer, Aimee, a life-long friend who was brave enough to step up to the plate when I was searching for a birth photographer, and Lauren is right behind us, she was kind enough to pick up some gatorade for me on the way over. We arrive at 4:20; I'm thrilled to be met by Gazelle at the door, we're talking as we walk through the lower level of The Birth Center about how the last time we met we walked through here as well. Only the "elite", the laboring clients get to walk through here during these hours. I feel so special, like an Olympian ready to take the field. I find myself in the birthing suite that Victor was born in and it feels so much like yesterday I was here being admitted on a cold snowy evening in January of 2009. Gazelle asks if I want "the check" and I do, I just have to know if I'm imagining this labor or not. I quickly remove my pants after an intense contraction, and she listens to the baby who sounds wonderful. We had returned our rented doppler at the beginning of September so each appointment we got to listen to the baby was a special treat. The heartbeat sounds so reassuring in it's beautiful washing-machine rhythm. Down to business, Gazelle happily tells me I'm 6-7 centimeters and I nearly jump off the bed with excitement. Things couldn't be better.

I strip down and get in the jacuzzi, the jets feel so good against my back, and then Aimee shows up with her equipment and the most amazing sunglass-tan I have ever seen. She was shooting at a car show all day when I stole her away for our commitment; this cool, end of summer, beautiful sunny day we were blessed with for our baby's birth. I hardly even notice she's there with camera equipment so close to my body during my contractions. She is great, or maybe it's just my focus keeping the rest of the world out, who knows, but I hardly know I am being photographed. I move myself away from the jets as the contractions come, Dave rolls his sleeves up and presses his palms against my tense hips, the strength of his hands giving me relief from the intensity that is moving through my pelvis, it's just he and I, and the noise of the water bubbling about me in the tub. I can smell the jasmine-vanilla aromatherapy I brought with me and it eases me back to calm. We do this for almost an hour, talking and laughing with Lauren and Aimee in between contractions, this labor is moving along so well, I don't believe this baby is coming with how great I feel. Gazelle keeps popping in periodically to listen to our baby's heart, it is beating so strong. After a while the jets no longer feel good, and I feel slightly nauseous. I last for just one more contraction in the now calm and clear water until I decide I need to go to the bathroom. There's so much pressure, I swear I need to have a bowel movement, but, nothing, not even a pink swipe after I pee. WHAT is going on? This isn't how it went last time! I try laboring against the birthing ball on the bed so my knees aren't against the cold, hard, ungiving floor, Dave is right there with me as I get louder through each contraction, offering all of his upper body strength to attend to my needs, and suddenly I need to do this on my own. He puts his warm hands on my lower back, I want him nearby, he touches the back of my hand as I suddenly have back to back contractions, so I don't clench my fists, rather embrace what my body is doing, and my hands relax with the reminder to do so from his touch. I know I'm transitioning now.

I'm so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open and I feel like crying, I just want to sleep, so I lay down, and Lauren retrieves our heating pad from the car, and Dave finds me a blanket. I get a good break in, maybe 20 minutes; my body has allowed me a time of rest to prepare for what is coming, the process gives the vessel a break. Just as I start to really fall into a deep sleep I'm hit with a contraction that nearly knocks me off of the bed. That wakes me up, and I'm not happy. I just want to go to bed. I get up to use the bathroom and notice a large piece of plug and streak of blood in the toilet. This is it. I get back to the bed and can only stand as my body takes over, the pressure in my pelvis is so incredible it's almost scary, is this right? I reassure myself that my body knows exactly what it's doing. I must surrender, it is time to give up control, mentally. Realistically, I had lost control to my body when I woke up at 3 that morning. The next contraction comes and at some point Gazelle was suddenly there with a new nurse, who was getting ready to start her shift. It's Sabrina. Sabrina had been there for Victor's birth as well. This was all supposed to happen today, I knew it.

The next contraction comes and as Gazelle is preparing herself with sterile wear, I tell her I feel the baby's head, my body is moving this baby out and I have no way of stopping it, so she instructs Dave to place his hands between my legs until she can finish getting gloves on. Sure enough, she get's just her fingertips inside to feel, and I'm complete and baby's head is in the birth canal. I know how to push on my back, so I decide that is the way to do this, my legs are too tired, and every contraction I can feel down through my knees with buckling intensity. I lay down on my back, my body is pushing this baby out with or without me, and there is no way to cope except to push with it; it feels so good to listen and push. Dave sits right in front of me, one hand on my knee and watching intently as my bag of waters bulges out of my opening body and as I push hard it bursts violently.

Clear water springs all over the bed and takes everyone by surprise. The head emerges and Gazelle mumbles something, and I continue with this same push that broke my water and pushed the head out and Dave looks me square in the eyes and tells me I need to stop, "You need to slow down." I can feel the baby slide back just a bit as I ease off listening to the seriousness in his body language, fighting my body's will to push this baby out, and Gazelle takes the cord off from around the baby's neck. Dave looks at me with gleaming green eyes and says "Ok, go ahead" and with one more push the baby's shoulders are out and the head is in Dave's hands. Gazelle tells me, "Go ahead, grab your baby" and with that Dave and I pull the baby's body out of me and we both bring our baby up to my chest.

I see tears streaming down Dave's face, just like they had when Victor was born. He is so proud and so, so happy. This baby boy is pink and beautiful, hardly showing any of the remnants from the warm watery world he just left behind, and he is loud. He stares at me, and I at him and I can clearly see every feature of his face belongs to my husband. We happily inspect our new son, Roman Alexander Pizzini, born at 6:51 pm, just two and a half hours after arriving to The Birth Center. His cord stops pulsing about 10 minutes later, and as Gazelle clamps it, she hands scissors to Dave and holds the cord out for him. As he gets ready to cut it, he continues on with Gazelle's tradition, and gently tells Roman "You're on your own now," and the life line between Roman and I is cut, what a celebratory moment. Roman transitions into "real" breathing without skipping a beat. After a few more minutes I give a tiny push while adoring my new son, and the placenta is delivered. I place him a little lower on my belly and watch as he amazingly creeps his tiny body up to my chest and eagerly hunts for my breast.

Pure perfection.

Birth Story!- Fast Hospital Birth

I especially love sharing birth stories from my students! This is a fantastic one. I love how this mom is vocal about her needs and standing up for herself in the hospital. It is also a great example of a couple that finds a compromise that works for them when one wants a hospital birth and the other wants a home birth. Enjoy!

Before I got pregnant, I knew I wanted a home birth. I'd been reading some crunchy parenting blogs and had no doubt what would be best for my baby and me. However, when I got pregnant and started talking to my husband about a possible home birth, he expressed concerns, particularly in regards to my health.

While I ended up being the perfect candidate for a home birth (not only health-wise, but the whole labor was very uneventful), I didn't want to disregard my husband's concerns, nor did I want our first parenting decision to be me ignoring what he was concerned about. I offered a compromise: I would hire a midwife to follow us throughout the pregnancy, and when I went into labor, I'd labor at home as long as possible, and then we would all go to the hospital at the last possible minute (which we ended up agreeing would be around 8 centimeters dilated, but would also depend on how fast I was progressing) and the midwife would be at the hospital with us as a doula. I'm so happy that we were able to come to this agreement, because everything worked out better than I could have hoped.
~

I woke up around 5:15am on Tuesday morning with some cramping. Initially I thought it was menstrual-like cramping, but then it stopped, which was more like a contraction and nothing that I'd had up until that point. I laid in bed trying to go back to sleep when I had another contraction, this time with a definite start and stop. It happened again, probably about 10 minutes later. I decided to get up to go to the bathroom, and felt a gush. I made it to the bathroom before any of my water fell to the floor, but I was pretty sure my water just broke. I called my midwife to tell her what happened, and she encouraged me to try to go back to sleep. I'd already tried to go back to sleep, so I turned on my computer to do a little work.

My husband had an appointment in Sacramento (about 2 hours away) that day, and I encouraged him to go, because when does a first labor happen so quickly that he'd need to be back by noon? I sent him to the store first, though, to get me some diapers, because now I was sure that the gush of water wasn't me losing control of my bladder but was definitely my water breaking. My husband decided to stay in town and not go to Sacramento, because he said he had more important things to do in the office if the baby was going to be born soon.

I was able to send out a few emails to my business partner and clients to let them know what was going on, but that was it. Contractions were generally 30 seconds long and 5 minutes apart -- much closer than I thought they'd be after just a couple of hours of labor. It made it impossible to do anything but wait for each contraction to pass.

I wasn't sure when to call my MIL because I didn't want people pestering me about how labor was going. But things seemed to be progressing pretty fast, so I called her around 7:30 or 8:00am.

By 10:00am, I'd called my midwife 3 times. Once to confirm my water had broken, a second time to ask her if labor progressing this fast was normal (by that time I think contractions were about 2 minutes apart and lasting around 45 seconds), and a third time to tell her that I needed her to come ASAP. I didn't know it at the time, but another client of hers had her water break at 5:30am that morning as well, so my midwife had to guess who would deliver first. She guessed I would, and boy, was she right!

My husband had returned home around 9:30 and started busying himself around the house. The midwife showed up around 11:00am and she and my husband started working on the birthing pool. I wanted a birthing pool even though we were planning on transporting to the hospital around 8 centimeters. When my midwife first arrived and checked my cervix, she said I was 4-5 centimeters dilated. I was disappointed that I wasn't farther along, because the pain was getting intense.

The midwife asked how I wanted the labor to progress, whether I wanted it to go faster or slow down. I wanted it over with, so I told her I wanted it to speed up. She had me lie on my left side with my hips angled towards the bed. Sure enough, the contractions got stronger.

It was around 12:30pm that the birthing pool was ready, and I got right in. After one contraction, my midwife wanted to check my cervix again, and said I was 7-8 centimeters and we needed to GO NOW. I waited through one more contraction, practically jumped out of the pool, and we hauled off to the hospital. The drive wasn't pleasant, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I only had to deal with three contractions in the car.

We arrived at the hospital around 1:00pm and I walked right in to Labor & Delivery. I think they were shocked that I came in so far progressed! At this point, anything anyone wanted me to do made me angry. They wanted a pee sample, and the first thing out of my mouth to the hospital midwife was "F*ck you." They wanted me on the bed, but it was so painful to move, and even more painful to lay down, that I didn't get on the bed until I was getting the urge to push. I did, however, let them check my progress when I first got to the hospital, and they let me know I was at 8 centimeters. I got off the bed and stood while the contractions continued.

When I got on the bed after having a few uncontrollable urges to bear down, the hospital midwife checked me and I was 9.5 centimeters dilated. One contraction later I was fully dilated and I started pushing. I pushed for about 15 minutes, and my 9.1 pound, 20 inch long baby boy was delivered! From start to finish, I was in labor for 9 hours. It was such a surreal experience, because nothing that I read and nothing in our class prepared me for the possibility that a first time mom would have such a fast labor (though I know it's impossible to prepare moms for every eventuality...I just didn't think labor would happen that fast the first time!).

I ended up having a third degree tear. If I'd been in the hospital any sooner than 8 centimeters, I'm sure I would have taken the pain medicine. Maybe not, since I had my midwives/doulas there with me, but a few times at home I said to one of the midwives who'd come to assist my midwife, "I don't think I can do this." I'm sure that I was able to do the natural birth because of the team I had around me.

I thought I'd be more interested in my baby when they laid him on my tummy, but I was kind of in another world at that point. One of my midwives told me a few times to talk to my baby, but I didn't know what to say. I was surprised I didn't feel that rush from natural birth that people talk about, and I didn't feel a particular rush of love for this baby laying on my chest. The love has come a little slower than I thought it would, but has manifested itself at times that surprised me. For example, hearing my baby cry after they took him to weigh him, and watching my husband hold our newborn. It's possible that the rush of love didn't happen the second he was laid on my chest because I was so exhausted from the whole process. Now, three days after the birth, I'm completely enamored with him and love cuddling him.

My birth went pretty much exactly as I hoped and planned, though it went faster than I ever thought possible!

Natural Birth is Actually BETTER

I received a comment recently on the blog about a natural birth post. I don't want to single out this person individually so I won't quote it directly but the basic point she made was this:

"Natural birth might be a great choice for you, but it isn't for everybody. I was perfectly happy with my birth involving XYZ interventions, and so are lots of women. It is about choices."

I have to disagree. This isn't just about "choices." Natural birth is not just a great choice for women like me. It is almost always the best choice for the mother and baby.

Yes- I just said that. Natural birth is usually the best choice for mother and baby. And, I can prove it.

~Choices~

There is an interesting aspect to a lot of natural birth discussions these days. I notice many people wanting so much not to be judgmental that they talk about natural birth like it is all about the mother's choice. If mama feels like she needs an epidural, then that is her choice. If mama is fearful of labor for whatever reason, she has the choice to schedule an abdominal surgery. If she is tired of being pregnant, she can choose an induction. Basically it is up to her.

There is a lot of truth in this and I do think that women should be allowed to choose whatever they feel is best for them. Partly I think this because I don't want my choices taken away from me just because somebody disagrees or thinks that home birth or not vaccinating or whatever is unsafe. So, don't get me wrong, I am not advocating taking away a woman's right to choose how she births. I do however want to point out that there is much more to this topic than what is best for the mother or our ability to choose whatever we are comfy with.

At some point we need to recognize though that birth doesn't just involve the well being of the mother. There are TWO people involved. The other one is silent and is the BABY.

Is an epidural the best choice for the baby? Is a scheduled c-section the best choice for the baby? Is pitocin the best choice for the baby? Are we being honest with ourselves when we answer these questions, or are we just thinking about how the choice will make us feel?

~Our Choices Affect the Baby~

Let's first consider the choice for non-medical induction with pitocin. (Yes, this happens because mom is tired, uncomfortable, or just "done" with her pregnancy.)

Some possible side effects of pitocin administration:

"Because of maternal and fetal risks, oxytocin must be administered with caution . It has been reported to cause fetal bradycardia, neonatal retinal hemorrhage, and neonatal jaundice, in addition to maternal effects . Fetal deaths due to various causes have reportedly been associated with the parenteral use of oxytocics for induction or augmentation of labor . Excessive dosage or administration of oxytocin to hypersensitive patients may cause uterine hypertonicity with spasm and tetanic contraction or uterine rupture . Abruptio placentae, impaired uterine blood flow, amniotic fluid embolism, and fetal trauma including cardiac arrhythmias, intracranial hemorrhage, and asphyxia may occur as a result ."

-You can find more information from the package insert for pitocin here.-

Do you still think natural birth is all about the mother's "choice" and what she is comfortable with?

Let's consider one of the drugs common in epidural anaesthesia, Bupivacaine.

"Adverse reactions in the parturient, fetus, and neonate involve alterations of the central nervous system, peripheral vascular tone, and cardiac function. Maternal hypotension has resulted from regional anesthesia. Local anesthetics produce vasodilation by blocking sympathetic nerves. Elevating the patient’s legs and positioning her on her left side will help prevent decreases in blood pressure. The fetal heart rate also should be monitored continuously and electronic fetal monitoring is highly advisable. Epidural, caudal, or pudendal anesthesia may alter the forces of parturition through changes in uterine contractility or maternal expulsive efforts. Epidural anesthesia has been reported to prolong the second stage of labor by removing the parturient’s reflex urge to bear down or by interfering with motor function. The use of obstetrical anesthesia may increase the need for forceps assistance."
You can read more about this drug here.

Still think natural birth is all about what is best for the mother? Do you still think this is just about what mama wants? Do you believe that an increase in forceps delivery has no negative implications for the newborn?

Let's take a look at some of the con's related to the elective c-section from a mainstream news source.

"Cons: Possible pre-term delivery if due date calculation is inaccurate Rare: Possible infant injury when the doctor makes the uterine incision Risk of damage to the mother's bowels and/or bladder Increased maternal blood loss and risk of needing a transfusion Risk of complications from anesthesia (pneumonia, allergic reactions, low blood pressure) Slightly higher mortality rate for the mother Twice the risk of infant mortality Higher risk of infection and blood clots for the mother"
You can read this article in full here.

This article also mentions that more than half of the c-sections were done on an elective basis. You can read the study by the New England Journal of Medicine on their website, here. The idea that all cesareans are necessary is false.

~Educated Choices, Not Just Choices~

The access to natural birth is not just a feminist issue. It is not just a woman's issue. It is a human rights issue. Whatever we "want" is not necessarily best for our baby. In fact, it might not even be best for us.

I realize that this argument goes both ways. Sometimes a c-section is best for mom and baby even when mama desperately wants a beautiful home birth. That is life and that is just how it goes.

For my commenter who thinks that "natural birth might be great for me, but not everybody," well, I just think you are wrong. I truly believe that birth is intended to be a natural process. All common sense and logic tends to point in this direction. Most women throughout history have birthed without drugs and considering the current population of the earth, it looks like it was pretty safe.

I am frankly just plain tired of hearing people talk about all this like it is just choices and what is right for you. Natural birth really is better. It is safer. It is normal. It is how it should be. Drugs used unnecessarily cause problems for both the mother and baby. The drug manufacturers themselves will tell you this in their own package inserts. The negative effect of drugs on the baby is the same whether you "felt comfortable" with your choice or not.

(As with anything, there are of course, exceptions.)

Birth Story! - A Hypnobabies Birth With Back Labor

I love this birth story and how it clearly shows how the way we view birth can have a profound influence on how we EXPERIENCE birth. Amazing story-

Enjoy!

~

I'm so excited to share this part of my journey! My first birth was just the birth that I had wanted and envisioned. Completely natural, no medications, no I.V., not one intervention. I thank my amazing husband, our wonderful doula, and our kind, knowledgeable midwife for this amazing experience.

I'll begin with Hypnobabies . . . please understand that Hypnobabies became an integral part of my pregnancy, birth and life, so you'll see it a lot in here.

In my 29th week of pregnancy, I took my first Hypnobabies class. I remember calling Kelly, our teacher and getting signed up, I wasn't sure it would work out, because classes were starting in just a few days, and it was the last opportunity I would have, but after Rachel (my midwife) had recommended Hypnobabies, of course (I spend a significant amount of time researching nearly everything), I had been googling away and I was REALLY interested. The stars aligned, and I was able to make it to the first class. I had called Kelly the day of and asked if Travis was supposed to join us. She emphatically told me yes! I guess it was pregnancy brain, but for some reason, I wasn't sure.

I got the beginning CD's the day before class began, so I only had time to listen to one of them. The special place CD. I remember this vividly. When I sat down on the couch, and listened to Kerry's (the creator of Hypnobabies) voice, I started crying. I cried the entire way though the session. I sobbed. It was so strange. It must have been a release of all the tension and anxiety I had felt throughout pregnancy . . . that I didn't even know I was feeling.

The night of our first class, Travis and I headed out to Rexburg, in the sun of the evening. Classes were at Kelly's house, and I'll admit, I was a little nervous. This was a whole new experience for me! In meeting Kelly, all of my fears were washed away, she was kind, and knowledgeable, light-hearted and warm. There were 3 other families also taking the class. I quickly found that Hypnobabies was much more than self hypnosis for childbirth, it was actually a class! There was a wealth of information, and lots of homework! After receiving our work books, and going through the materials for the first lesson, we had our first hypnosis session. This was a session that Dads also did with us. On the way home, Travis told me this was the perfect fit for me, and that it was going to work so well! This was so encouraging! My husband was in full support, and truly, without him, it would have been a struggle.

I started listening to the tracks and doing my studies. I absolutely LOVED the pregnancy affirmations every day. I would listen each day as I was getting ready, what a great way to start my day. I also really loved my time in hypnosis, I was so calm and relaxed. It was a great time for Travis and I to bond, and really prepare for our baby. I, being my typical over-achiever self completely embraced the studies. We would all laugh in class, because I was the mom who brought her own little sticky tabs and highlighters. You should see my work book. I think I'm leaving those stickies in there as long as I can. It's so funny.

Hypnobabies is also more than just hypnosis. It was an eye opener. It was a confidence builder.

On Thursday, November 11, 2010 I had my weekly appointment with our midwife. We saw Helene, and I declined any internal exams. I didn't want any pressure or anxiety. I was also planning on being at least a week past due, (my estimated due date was November 18, 2010) so I wasn't really even thinking about going into labor. Kelly, our doula, had asked me if I would be comfortable with her taking a day trip on Friday, the 12th and I said yes. I really didn't feel like this baby was ready to be earthside. I just felt pregnant, and normal. Travis and I ate lunch and went back work. I had a stack of work, and a nagging feeling that I should get my files in order. Thursday came and went, uneventfully.

On Friday, November 12, 2010 I woke up, and felt just the same as I had all of the other days. Kelly was on her day trip, and life was good. I got ready, went into the office about 10:30 am (ish) and went to work. I did notice that I had started to lose my mucous plug, but I still didn't think anything of it. I knew this could happen days or weeks before the birth. I made phone calls, and in the afternoon, I FINALLY took the time to get my files in order. I made a calendar with notes, and phone numbers, marked the significant dates and added all of my notes. I prepared for a showing that I had scheduled on Sunday, the 14th. I got a text message from my amazing friend, Cindy, asking if I felt like I was going to have my baby. I told her no, and that I didn't think it would be any time in the near future. At about 4:30 in the afternoon, I was feeling sort of tired, and I had a backache. I left the office, and went to the shop to tell Travis that I was headed home to put my feet up. I was getting pretty crabby, and I don't remember exactly what I did say to him other than "I'm going to sit down, my back hurts, and I'm not standing here to talk to you anymore!"

Travis came home and made dinner, spaghetti. We ate, and sat down to watch a movie. My backache persisted, off and on, so I heated up my bucky (buckwheat heating pad) and settled down for the movie. I started to pay attention to the backache, and looking at the clock. During the movie, it would come and go every 6 to 7 minutes or so. After the movie, I told Travis, and we called the midwife, Rachel about 11:00 and told her that I thought I might be having early birthing waves (contractions). I explained to her that it was only in my back, and that Travis couldn't feel any tightening in my belly. She said it was certainly "suspicious" and that we should keep an eye on it, calling her if there were any changes. We decided to head to bed, and try to sleep, if this was "it" we wanted to be rested.

On November 13, 2010 I had a hard time sleeping, my backaches just weren't easing up. At about 2:00 am I got out of bed, grabbed my Hypnobabies bag and took it into the bathroom. I started filling the tub, and I would lean with my head on the counter and sway each time I would feel a birthing wave. When the tub was full, I put on my headphones and started listening to my birthing time affirmations, then my deepening track. I'm pretty sure I actually fell asleep in the tub. If I didn't sleep, I was pretty darn close to a sleeping state. After a little while, I needed to get out of the tub, I called to Travis, because I was pretty sure I would need help getting out of the tub. Before I could get out, I calmly told Travis that I was going to get sick. Sure enough, I threw up that spaghetti that I had eaten a few hours before. I then climbed out of the tub, and laid on the bed, asking for a back rub.

So that you understand what my birthing waves were, now is probably a good time to mention the fact that I experienced "back labor". I really don't remember a tightening in my belly, ever. My birthing waves came from my back and stayed in my back. It was like a cramp in my back that would come on in a rush, then move through my lower back, into my pelvis and move back into my low back before leaving. Rachel and Kelly hypothesized (after baby was born) that my back labor might have been because my height (I'm somewhat, ok, really petite). We really don't know. I also really didn't have any experience with this, or really know what it was. I had this intensity in my back for the duration of my birthing time.

I moved down into the living room, about 3:30 am. I remember going to the bathroom, and telling Travis that I was really losing my mucous plug. It wasn't, I would later realize that was my bloody show . . . I had no idea. I decided that laying on the concrete floor in the bathroom felt nice, to that's where I laid for a little while, then I felt cold, and moved back into the living room. At this point we were both sure that baby would be here in the somewhat near future. At this time, my birthing waves were about 4 to 5 minutes apart. I mentioned calling Kelly, but I really hadn't seemed to progress much, so we decided to wait. I would walk around the living room for a little while, then lay down in the family room. Our dachshund was with me the entire time. She would not leave my side. When I was in the bathroom, she was standing guard by the door. When I was on the couch, she was on the couch. She was a huge source of comfort and support.

Between 4:30 and 5:00 am we decided to call Kelly. My birthing waves were coming at 3 to 4 minutes apart. Travis talked to Kelly, then said he needed to run into town, he had left his computer on and needed to shut things down at the shop, making sure it would be good for a few days absence. He made a nest of pillows for me on the couch, and I laid face down in it I listened to my birthing day affirmations, and my Easy Birthing track. I really started relaxing. I honestly am not sure how long it took Travis to get home. I really didn't pay attention to time. Kelly called and said she was on her way, at about 5:30 to 6:00 am. At that time, I was really starting progress with birthing waves about 2 to 3 minutes apart. Travis told her that we would likely be heading to the hospital when she got to our house, so we decided she would meet us at the hospital (we lived nearly an hour away from Kelly and our hospital). Travis started packing up between the birthing waves, and it took us a little longer than we expected to get out of the house. He would run up the stairs when a wave ended, grab stuff, take it to the car, and then help me through my next wave. He would help my putting pressure on my forehead or my shoulder and provide relaxation cues. When we finally got into the car, and left for the hospital, it was about 7:30 am.

Travis started making phone calls (Rachel the midwife being the first), and I listened to my Hypnobabies. I also remember telling him to call my friend Penny, because I had planned on going shopping with her that day at 11:00. The car ride was probably the most uncomfortable part of the birthing time. I was unable to move in ways that felt good, and being confined in the car, with the pressure on my pelvis took extra concentration to relax. During the car ride, when he could, Travis would put his hand on my forehead and help me breathe through the birthing wave.

We got to the hospital at about 9:00 am. Travis walked into the hospital to get me checked in (I had already gone in and given all of my information, he just needed to do the official check-in). Kelly came right out to the car, at a moment when I felt like I might lose it. My Hypnobabies track had just ended. Being alone was scary, even if it was literally for a few seconds. Kelly put her hand on my shoulder and gave me some relaxation cues, I felt myself instantly melting. The nurses came out and after the birthing wave, I got into the wheelchair. As they were taking me up in the elevator (Travis was still upstairs and Kelly was parking our car), one of the nurses said I should be taken to triage (I'm guessing because I was so relaxed and quiet).

The other nurse said I was beyond that point, and that they would just give me a room. When I got into the room, I got onto the bed and felt sick. The nurse held out my little bowl - the one that had come from my house with me. I had carried it all over the house before we left, (a talisman, if you will) which I proceeded to miss and gracefully projectile vomit all over the floor. During this time, (I think it might have been transformation) my hips would shake. I wasn't in pain, I was just shaking. Kelly would apply pressure to my hips and that would help me stop shaking. I was still being touched and given the relaxation cues, so I was really focusing on simply relaxing. I honestly don't know a whole lot about what was happening around me.

Between Birthing Waves

The lights were turned down low, and I was hooked up to the monitor for a few minutes, to check the heartbeat of the baby, and all was good. Rachel then asked if she could check my dilation, and I said yes. I was dilated to 7 cm. During the entire process, all of the nurses, and especially Rachel (who was already familiar with Hypnobabies techniques) were completely respectful of me when I had a birthing wave and turned my switch off, they would wait. It was never as if I were inconveniencing anyone. Rachel asked if I wanted to get into the tub, and I thought that would feel good, so I said yes.

Rachel also had to help another mom who was giving birth. She went to check on the other mom, and fill the tub. When she came back, she told me the tub was ready, I was waiting for a birthing wave to end, but then I had the urge to push. I started pushing from my right side. My hip started hurting, so I moved onto my hands and knees. I tried to use the birthing ball, but it didn't feel comfortable. Kelly then raised the bed so I could rest my head on it. Both Travis and Kelly were so supportive! Kelly would heat up the bucky and Travis would provide relaxation cues.

When I started pushing, I actually felt better! I wasn't in pain, I wasn't even uncomfortable. I think it took me a few tries to figure it out. I felt like I was working hard, like a workout. I stayed this way for several pushes and with the encouragement of Kelly and Rachel, I made great progress. I think it was really helpful during this time that I only received encouragement, no specific direction on pushing. No counting to 10, no screaming or frantic yelling like you see in the movies. I was asked if I wanted the mirror to see, and I said yes, so that was brought into the room.

I don't know if this is in my head, or if I said anything out loud, but I remember feeling loud during my pushes and apologizing for being loud. Travis later told me that I wasn't loud at all. I started feeling tired, so I wanted to lie on my left side. I only pushed a few more times, and baby was almost here. Rachel was in the other room at the time, and Kelly and the nurse (I think her name was Jessica) agreed that we needed Rachel in the room. Travis said it would likely be two more pushes. He was so encouraging! I remember smiling at him, and feeling so excited. I also remember thinking "Shouldn't I be feeling the "ring of fire" or something painful now?" It was not painful. I thought to my Hypnobabies training, and thought about the "flood" of hypno-anesthesia that I should imagine, but either I didn't need it or I had already programmed my subconscious mind to focus the hypno-anesthesia there. I didn't feel pain. Not at all. No joke.

Moments Before Baby was Born!

I started pushing and Rachel ran into the room. The baby was crowning and she threw on her gown, asking me to stop pushing me if I could. I could not. Rachel literally caught our baby with her bare hands, it was so fast! There was no time to position the mirror, no time to "get ready", it was just like "Poof" he was here! I had a slight "moment of weakness" when I pushed the shoulders out. She asked for one more push, and I said I couldn't (because I was tired, not in pain) but it really wasn't difficult. At 10:10 am our sweet little boy was born. I had been in the hospital for right around an hour. I had started pushing about 30 minutes prior. I didn't know any of the times, I was told all of this later, because I was so focused on the birth, I really didn't pay attention to much more than me and baby. We also hadn't named him yet, that happened as we were leaving the hospital.

The moment our son was born.

Brand New Baby!

From this moment on, it seems as though time passed very quickly. Baby was put right onto my chest, I remember saying "Happy Birthday Baby!" When it stopped pulsing, Travis cut the cord. Baby was a little blue, so the nurses held some oxygen near his nose, and he nursed right away. A few minutes later, the placenta was born, and we got a chance to look at the amazing organ my body created to feed and grow our baby. After nursing and snuggling, our nurse took Baby to the other side of the room to do measurements, and his initial checkup. He weighed 6 pounds 14 ounces, and was 19 inches long. He was not crying, he was not distressed. He was right there with Mom and Dad, and he was happy. He was never left alone. We declined most of the newborn treatments (eye ointment, Hep B vaccine, and bath). Kelly rubbed my feet. My poor swollen feet. It was heavenly! Our son was given back to me immediately, and we snuggled. It was absolutely wonderful and amazing.

My birth changed my life. It changed me in a way that I never imagined . . . I'm stronger, more knowledgeable, and more of an advocate of informed health care than I thought I'd ever be! This amazing experience has changed me for the better. In my first experience as a mom, I know I did the best thing for my baby and for me. I had a birth the way that it was supposed to be, natural, joyous and calm. For that I'm thankful.

Our sweet baby, Born 11/13/10 @ 10:10 am.

- As a side note: When I went back to see Rachel for my post pregnancy checkup (on my due date), she told me that she delivered 4 babies the weekend my baby was born. None of those moms had an epidural! Hooray for saying "no" to intervention!

- One more note: We found out later in the night (when we bumped into them at the hospital) that the other mom having her baby, was another "Hypnomom" from our class! We were "due" a day apart, and we ended up having our babies 30 minutes apart. I think this is just so cool!

Obstetric Lie #92- You Need To Fit In This Box

Sometimes I wonder if I am the only person who was required to take a statistics class in order to graduate from college. I can't say I enjoyed statistics, but having just a basic understanding of the wide range of normal seems to be a concept that is currently lost in the field of obstetrics. Rather, we have taken to looking at gestating women, human beings in fact, as though they should all fit into nice, neat, and identical cardboard boxes. We have forgotten that the mean is not something that EVERYBODY is, but is just an average of all things combined.

~

I had the privilege recently of meeting with a former class of students that I had taught. Six couples came. As we sat around they all told their birth stories. Would you believe that not a single one of them was the same?! We had a mom who had a short seven hours of labor and almost had her baby in the parking lot. We had a mom who labored for days and pushed for over four hours. There were a few mom's who experienced back labor, one who felt like pushing at six centimeters and two with compound presentation (arm next to the head).

There were babies born with the cord wrapped in various ways around their neck or body. There was variation as to how many weeks mama was along when she went into labor. Some had their babies a week or so before their due date, others a week or so after.

All the mothers gained various amounts of weight. One was GBS positive. Some had their water break before labor started, others later. All felt their labor differently and dealt with it differently. Some had epidurals for pain relief. Many did not. They had their babies at different hospitals with different attendants.

Despite all of this, all were able to have their babies vaginally. All gave birth to beautiful babies. Some had some minor complications post-partum, most did not.

In some ways, as the woman who tried to prepare all these very different women for their very unique labor, this amount of variation is incredibly intimidating. How can you possibly teach a class and prepare a woman for the vast range of things that could happen, that she could feel or experience?

I think the answer is, you can't really. What we can recognize though is the unique and decidedly NON-BOX LIKE beauty of labor and birth. We can realize that it is different for everybody- and that this isn't a bad thing- it is an AMAZING thing. In fact, one of the most empowering things about labor and birth is that each is uniquely suited for each mother and baby.

Sadly, this is not the case in obstetrics, is it? Rather, more and more we are seeing different women, of all shapes, sizes, ages, genetics, and lifestyles, all asked to fit into the same plain old cardboard box.

"You have your babies after at LEAST 42 weeks gestation? Not OK, not safe, not happening! We need to induce you!

You have quick labors? WHAT?! We should induce you to make sure you don't have the baby on the floor outside.

You gained 45 pounds during your pregnancy?! Who cares how you ate, that isn't fine! You are a fatty!

Your baby is breech/posterior/asynclitic?! Those can't come out vaginally! C-sections all around.

There is only one way to have a baby- precisely at 40 weeks, after about 25 pounds of weight gain, 17 hours of labor, two hours of pushing and a placenta that delivers within 15 minutes. That is how we do it and that is the ONLY WAY. All others will be expelled from perfect patient university."

When we look at birth, labor and women like this we not only pressure them into many unnecessary interventions (and I am talking about interventions that are not put in place due to real danger, but interventions that are pushed simply because of normal variation) that harm the experience, the mother and the baby precisely because they are UNNECESSARY.

Not only do we force unneeded stress and anxiety on a beautifully gestating mama when we expect her to conform to our cardboard box, but we significantly alter the experience for every woman.

Instead of recognizing that the variation of people, mothers, babies and birth is normal and necessary we treat women as though they have somehow failed by not doing things "just right."

What is strangely sad about the "You must fit into this box" mindset is that it is harming birthing women and babies by:

~Causing a lot of unnecessary stress~
How many of you have known somebody in an absolute panic because she has reached 41 weeks gestation without giving birth? How many of you have been that woman?

~Causing a lot of unnecessary interventions~
How many women are not even ALLOWED to reach 41 weeks because an induction is scheduled before that? What is this doing to the baby that is born before he triggers labor? How does it alter the birth experience? How many babies are born via c-section because of breech presentation simply because they were different that most other babies?

~We devalue the unique joys of birth~
Rather than allowing and even encouraging women to embrace their own journey, the lessons that they and their babies need, and embracing the unpredictability of birth, we teach through thousands of different messages, that there is only one way to be. The one way we all need to be basically boils down to a text book average of labor and birth.

If we take the time to step back and actually look at this entire situation rationally, it is obvious that this brown box approach to obstetrics (or in fact LIFE) is down right stupid. It is more than stupid. It is silly, irrational, it denotes a deep need for control and order and a distaste for nature and femininity and variation.

If you walked into a college university and told all the female students that the only safe way to be a human woman was to be 5 feet 5 inches tall, 135 pounds, have medium brown hair, blue eyes, two arms, two legs, 20 freckles and a size 7 shoe you would be instantly ridiculed, denounced and asked to leave. You would be considered a racist, bigoted jerk.

And yet, if you walk into any labor and delivery unit in this country you will find that thousands of professionals in their field are doing this exact same thing to laboring and birthing women.

We must recognize that diversity is not just a political catch phrase or a great thing to put on a resume. It is simply a human reality. Valuing diversity doesn't just apply to colleges either, it applies to birth. We are all different. Really. You are not a text book nor are you a brown box or any other type of paper product. You are a human woman.

We must stand up for ourselves. We must recognize that different is not necessarily bad. We must proudly share our unique birth stories that were specifically designed for us and our babies. We must break out of the brown box and embrace the way that we alone can birth our babies.

It Is Hard To Be A Good Liar When You Have Kids

Children. They make you laugh, they make you cry. They keep you honest, especially when they are too little to understand the things adults leave out.


~During my visit with my midwife with my two daughters in attendance, and of course AFTER I was weighed and found to have packed on 42!! (~no that is not a typo~) pounds, my three year old asks if we can go get donuts. I looked at her like she was crazy and mumbled something about how "Of course not, I don't eat like that...." My midwife mentioned that maybe I should have a snack with a little more protein and a little less sugar in it. Yes I know better. And yes, I still tried to attribute my weight gain to the fact that I am now in my 30's.

~My six year old mentions in front of other people that I wept over the washing machine when it stopped working. The truth is I actually prayed that it would come back to life properly. Yes, I prayed for a washing machine. I would like the world to believe that I handle life's bumps and bruises with dignity and grace.....But in fact, I cry when household appliances break down. Especially when I need to do a load of towels.

~I have no idea why the 20 month old can say cookie so well. Really. Her grandmother must have taught her that. It wasn't me.

~Fast food is evil. All of it. But McDonald's of course holds the world's biggest offender award for millions served and super sized. Then why, oh why, do my kids scream "McDonald's!!!! Can we get ice-cream?" every time we drive by. Ummm, excuse me, I am trying to appear crunchy here kids. Maybe I will just have to roll up the windows when we go by so that nobody can hear their yelps of joy and desire.

~This doesn't really count as my kids outing my bad behaviour, but I would have never in a hundred years left the house without a shower a few years ago. I have to admit that a few times this school year, hung over (not from alcohol, but from pregnancy/poorly sleeping toddler business) I took my son to school with NO SHOWER. I was wearing scrubs and a sweat shirt. I put on a jacket so nobody knew that I didn't take the time for a bra. I actually left without brushing my TEETH! Yes. This is true. Hello world, this is what I look like in the morning! This is honestly me! You can all feel a little better about yourselves now because I think I have lost all self respect and personal standards. You're welcome.

~I am now more honest about my hair color. I am currently all natural. Yes, that is brown hair you see. I have always felt it a cruel act of nature that I was not blessed with blond hair as my skin tone so obviously prefers. But, for now, I have given up on all false pretenses to the desire that was not meant to be for me. The hair is natural. It is brown. It might actually be a little more attractive without the three inches of roots that that kept cropping up anyway.

~Children, please stop telling your grandparents what I say about them behind their backs. That is private. I don't gossip. We wouldn't want them to think that, now would we?

~For the record, I DID NOT let the six year old watch Iron Man 2. His father "might" have been privy to this but I had nothing to do with it. Plus, there is NO WAY it is his favorite movie. I really wish he would stop telling people that. Especially at his Waldorf school where the list of ten deadly sins begins with: 1. media (followed by 2. sugar). The teacher might stop believing me when I talk about how little television the kids watch (really, I try to limit it to one movie a week, I SWEAR!) if this keeps being mentioned.

~Kids even make it difficult to delude oneself. Must they really burst my "I am just voluptuous" bubble every time I bend over and they erupt into hysterics because "We can see your butt mama!" Alright, I admit. I am growing out of the maternity jeans. Don't rub it in!

~It is probably a little less than cute when we see somebody smoking and the kids all point and say things like, "Look, a smoker! That is bad for your body and spirit. I will never do that." For the record, I have nothing against smokers. I just don't want my kids to do it. Shhhhh kids. It is a hard habit to break.

At least I still have the internet, where I can strive for the appearance of wisdom, grace, and of course, only post pictures of myself from ten years ago.

Birth Stories- Bradley Birth- Young Mama

Today we have two birth stories from one mom. I think it is always great to see a young mom have a good birth experience. I of course LOVE that these are Bradley births and how they show that putting in the effort to really learn to RELAX makes such a difference in the labor and birth. Enjoy!
~
First birth as a single teen-

I was very young when I became pregnant with my first child at 16. I was very lucky to have great support around me however, mostly my mother! She heard about the Bradley method from a friend and they loaned her the book, "Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way". We read it together. I practiced my relaxation as often as possible. While I lived in a very small town, there was a Certified Nurse Midwife on staff, which is who I chose to go to.

At 38 weeks I began have painless contractions about every 30 minutes. They lasted throughout the night, and into the next morning. They did start to get stronger throughout the next day, but they never got much closer together. I was at school still, and sitting in the desks became a bit uncomfortable around lunch time, so I went home. I had a doctor appointment that afternoon, in which my CNM checked my cervix and said I was 2cm dilated but that my contractions could just be Braxton Hicks still. So it could be labor, or I could be pregnant another two weeks or longer.

However, my contractions never went away. By evening they were closer together and stronger. I lost my mucous plug! I was still quite comfortable and was sitting on my bedroom floor cross-legged to breath through them. Finally, around 9:00pm I was ready to lay in bed. My mom helped talk me through the "waves". I was quietly laying there, using all the focus I could, on relaxing and letting go. I must have been doing a great job, because when I asked if we could go to the hospital my mom said that it was too early. She didn't think I was in enough pain yet or hard labor. She thought I could have hours still. However, I insisted.

My midwife met me there and everyone was surprised when I was checked and found to be 9 cm dilated. Within minutes of getting there I was ready to push. I remember the short transition period and telling everyone that I just "couldn't do it" anymore. Pushing, then, offered a relief. However it was hard work!

We tried a few different positions, but I just couldn't quite get the hang of pushing. After awhile, my body kicked in with its natural painkillers, and I was just kicking back in the bed, munching on ice chips and pushing. After three hours of this, the baby started to show decels in his heartbeats. The CNM wanted to get him out quicker through pressure episiotomy and vacuum extraction. I told her I was totally okay with pushing more. I was feeling fine. However it had been three hours and he was showing signs of stress. So she did and finally out he came!
He was 8 lbs 14 oz. His APGARS were great!

Second birth

With my second birth I was married finally. :) I was still pretty young at 20 years old. I decided I wanted to use the Bradley method again, so my husband studied the book with me. At around 3 days past my due date I was getting off the couch to go to bed one night when I felt a big POP! I told my husband "either I just peed my pants or my water broke!"

I knew it was my water, of course, as I started walking to the bathroom. We were so excited! We started packing and my husband called the on call OB (we were living in a different area now). The OB said I could stay at home as long as I wanted to as long as the water was clear from my bag of waters. He suggested we come in when the contractions were around 2 minutes apart. So we hung out at home for awhile and called my parents to come over (they live 2 hours away).

Contractions started within about 30 minutes of my water breaking. They were pretty easy to deal with at first. Two hours later, when my parents got there, the contractions were a bit stronger. Still, I sat on the couch with them, visited, and watched TV for another couple hours. After about four hours from when my water broke, I was starting to pace around the kitchen through my contractions. My husband asked me if I was ready to go to the hospital. He had read the book and memorized which "sign posts" to watch for. I told him that I really didn't know. He said it was time to GO!

We get to the hospital and I'm 6cm dilated. However, within minutes transition starts and I dilate fully very quickly. As I laid there on the bed in the hospital, I remember taking all my concentration to relax and let go. One of the nurses asked if I was sleeping and my mom was commenting on the contraction monitor and how big and long those contractions were,but I wasn't even flinching. It was hard to concentrate with all that talking around me and to me though! haha

Finally it was time to push. This time it was much easier! I pushed for only about 5 minutes and he was born. He was 7 lbs 12 oz with great APGARS!