There Is No Shame In A Difficult Baby (Or Child)

Have I mentioned that I have a two year old?  'Tis true.  And she is one HECK of a two year old.  In fact, she has always been an intense child.  As a baby she awoke every hour or two.  (I realize this is normal.)  But she always woke screaming.  I would nurse her back to sleep or do whatever worked but there were never tender nighttime moments with air sucking or fist finding as my sweet one gently showed the signs of hunger.  No, she is designed like a fine race car: zero to 60 in 2.5 seconds. 

The intensity of babyhood has followed her into toddler-hood and she is a delightful, charming, lovely and insane, screaming, balls to the wall, child.  She switches from one to the other at a moments notice. 

Here is the funny thing though- when I mention some of her more distinctive "traits" people are quick to find an excuse for her.

"Maybe she has a gluten intolerance."
"Could be she has colic."
"Try taking out the dairy."
"Get her adjusted."
"Cranial therapy works wonders."
"Have you tried wearing her?"
"Teeth?"
 My mom even said once that, "She is only unhappy when she doesn't get enough sleep," to which my mother- in-law (who LIVES with us and said child) responded, "She must be tired ALL THE TIME."

You know what I think though?  I don't think there is anything WRONG with this girl.  I don't think she can or needs to be "fixed" with an adjustment or a diet change or magical technique.  I think she is just kind of....hard.

And, I am not afraid to admit it.

I could make up excuses for my child.  I could blame it on something that is beyond our control.  Or I could try to control the situation in every way possible. I think that I could successfully drive myself batty doing so.  I could also just admit the simple yet difficult truth of the matter:  some babies, children and human beings are harder.  Or more intense.  Or more sensitive.  Or if you are lucky, they are all three.  

But it seems to me that sometimes nobody wants to do this.  We would much rather find an excuse, a reason, an explanation.  I think it takes some of the blame off of the kid, and it makes us feel like we have a little more control over our lives than we actually do.  If we can just figure out the cause, then we could fix them!!!!

The other thing that I hate to think about is how I and the way I parent contributes to the trouble I sometimes have with this sweet child.  

After a hard day yesterday I was talking to my husband at dinner.  I was telling him that she was difficult.  There was hitting and kicking and even spitting in addition to the usual yelling of orders and general mayhem and screams.  (To be clear, it was the two year old yelling orders and creating mayhem, not me.  Well, mostly.)

"Doesn't she ever do that to you?"  I innocently ask. 

"Never," says my silver-back of a husband.  "I would not put up with that."

Stunned silence. 

But I am a good mom.  Right....?  She doesn't just do this with me, right? 

I hope I AM a good mom.  But the ugly truth is that I am not a perfect mom.  I am not always consistent.  I don't always demand respect.  I let things slide when I should be firm.  And, as the hubby pointed out, he doesn't put up with some of the behavior that I ignore. 

Again, it would be much more pleasant to blame some ethereal factor on the hitting, spitting, kicking and what not.  The truth of the matter though is that some of it probably happens because of me.  A more difficult child demands a better parent.  A more consistent one.  A loving one.  A balanced, firm, and kind parent who sets boundaries and makes sure they are not crossed. 

Sometimes I can get away with some sloppier "mom" work with my other kids- but not with this one. 

So when I say that this baby/child doesn't have anything "wrong" with her other than the strong personality she was born with, I don't mean it as an insult.  I love her more than I can put into words.  Sometimes I think that my intensity of affection for her is a result of the way she pushes me to my limit. 

I am not ashamed of my difficult child.  But I will also not pass the buck or find an excuse for the way she is.  I am grateful for her and I am grateful for the lessons she has brought with her. 

She has humbled me as a parent.  I really thought I had figured things out before she was born.  I knew how to handle a baby and I knew how to keep a toddler from being crazy. 

I was wrong. 

She shows me my flaws.  She demands that I be better and stronger.  She teaches me patience and joy all at the same time. 


Then again, I am pretty sure she inherited her personality from her father's side of the family.  So this is all really his fault.  That makes me feel better.

A Catholic Home Birth

 One of the things I love about home birth these days is that it doesn't discriminate.  All kinds of women from all different backgrounds find the faith and the power to birth at home.  Love this story and her detail and devotion.

Enjoy-

 

As I sit here breastfeeding Charlotte to sleep, I can't help thinking of her birth, and how nice it is to be sitting here feeding her in the room in which she was born.  Once I hit 37 weeks, I was ready for the pregnancy to be over, to be honest.  I was tired of being nauseated, tired of the pelvic pressure, tired of not being able to eat anything other than vegetables and bread.  That being said, I certainly wasn't going to allow for an induction or membrane sweep, since I knew Charlotte would come out when she was good and ready.  I remember being in tears during the afternoon of 25 March because I wasn't in labour.  Not only was I ready to have Charlotte on the outside, I'd wanted an Annunciation baby.  God had other ideas.  Her due date was only 3 days later, on Palm Sunday.  I joke that I have very liturgical children, since Kieran's birthday is often during Advent, and Charlotte was due in Holy Week.

I also joke that family aren't allowed to tell me when to go into labour any more.  With Kieran, my mother told me not to go into labour before the 29th of November, which is when he was born.  My sister told me not to go into labour before the 27th with Charlotte.  Wouldn't you know that I woke up just after midnight on the 27th and realised I was having contractions?  I might not have awakened then except that Kieran crawled into bed next to me.  I got up and took a paracetemol, had a snack, and went to the toilet, and then decided I might as well lie back down since the contractions weren't that strong yet.  I stayed in bed until around 1.30, when it was no longer comfortable.  I told B that I was in labour but that he didn't need to get up yet, and I was probably going to take a shower.

I came downstairs and turned on my computer, because I'd promised Daddy I'd email him when I went into labour.  I also had to text Charlotte's godmother, because she wanted to make sure she had the nuns pray for me during labour.  Because I'm a geek, I also logged on to a message board to let them know.  A lot of them were online, so I ended up sitting on the birthing ball and chatting with them in between contractions.  After about an hour, I was vocalizing through contractions, and one of my friends told me I needed to have B phone the midwife.  I was in denial, but I agreed to it, so I got him out of bed.  He'd come down earlier to set up the cushions and blankets and such for the birth.

So B phoned the hospital so they could phone the on-call midwife.  She rang back and said she'd be over as soon as she could.  She was worried she wouldn't make it in time (obviously she knew I was farther along than I thought I was), so she'd phoned another midwife to come out, too.  Irene got here around 3.00 and checked Charlotte's heart rate in between contractions.  She also rubbed my lower back during contractions, which was quite helpful.  Ann arrived a little after that, so she did make it in time.  It wasn't long after that before I hit transition and screamed.  Unfortunately I woke Kieran, so B went back upstairs to comfort him.  I tried focusing on the Crucifix during these transition contractions, but kept losing my focus and screaming "I can't!", or just screaming, instead.  Irene assured me that I could do it, and I also remembered what I'd read in the Bradley book, that it's almost over when you start saying "I can't".

Transition only lasted for 2 contractions, and suddenly my body was pushing.  I quickly got off the birthing ball and onto my hands and knees on the floor.  I'd lift up to kneeling while pushing, then go back onto all fours in between contractions.  I remember being a little surprised at how long it was taking; since Kieran was an assisted delivery, the pushing stage was only 15 minutes with him.  It was still only 30 minutes or so with Charlotte, so not long really.  She'd start to crown and then go back; once the head was born, Ann saw that that was because of a nuchal hand.  Silly baby.  The body was born in one go at the next contraction, and she was passed under me so I could see her.  She'd been born at 4.10, only 4 hours after I'd noticed contractions (perhaps I'd slept through some earlier, though).  The midwives helped me lie down and Charlotte almost immediately latched on.  Because things had gone so quickly, the midwives hadn't had a chance to look at my birth plan, and so they asked if I wanted the syntometrine for delivery of the placenta.  I declined and asked them not to cut the cord, which they obliged.  They waited until the cord stopped pulsating before cutting it.  It wasn't too much longer before I felt the urge to push again, and the placenta was delivered.  They then made sure I was OK and helped me to the toilet and to get cleaned up before helping me into bed with Charlotte.  I'd only had a very slight tear that didn't require stitches.  I was very thankful for this, as I'm allergic to local anesthesia.  The membranes were ragged, which explains the later infection, but it turned out fine.

Once Charlotte had been born, B brought Kieran down.  He wasn't sure about everything, so he hung back while I went back to sleep.  He wanted to go to Mass, though, so B took him.  Fr David sent the Eucharist back with him, which was wonderful.  Irene came back later in the day to check on Charlotte and me and make sure all was going well with breastfeeding and that there were no signs of infection (there weren't at that point).  All in all, I'd say it was a pretty perfect experience.  The only thing I'd change would be to get in an upright position for delivery of the placenta, since that would have lessened the risk of retained membranes or the like, thus reducing the chance of infection.  I definitely will continue having home births, though

Unassisted Birth, Born in the Caul

My favorite part of this unassisted birth, "The most undramatic birth ever."  How many people say that about unassisted birth?!

Enjoy!

Hello all! In honor of the new year I decided to get to it and type up the birth of Tranden Excalibur. When praying about how to go about posting this I was perplexed as to how to start off. I do not want to offend nor do I feel like I should apologize. I know unassisted birth is a touchy subject and birth itself is very personal. I thought about posting the reasons we chose this route but feel that might detract from the story itself..and after all this is Trandend's story, not mine.

So I will just start off by saying birth is very near to my heart and something I take seriously. This took months of planning…years really, it wasn't something we stepped into lightly. If you are someone who has made different birthing/pregnancy choices I think that is completely wonderful. I think mammas who make informed decisions…whatever they be are great! And just as I respect your choices I hope that you will show us that same encouragement.

OK, hear goes it! As a disclaimer..this is a birth story…with lots little details..involving birth. Its a neat little messy process. Don’t say you werent warned I promise I wont be offended if you choose to quit reading now!

Alrighty then…now here we go, for real…

On the morning before Trandens actually birthday I woke up pregnant, yet again! (shocker, I know) Being just as convinced as I was the day before that i was clearly in labor I rolled over and begged my husband to stay home from work. We both lay there talking about our hesitancy in keeping him home another day.

After much listing of pros and cons it was clear he would yet again be staying home. Labor was on! Problem was…the contractions weren’t so much. I can honestly say I just knew...I knew.  I needed Austin there for mental support as well as to wrangle the kids so i could concentrate on letting my body relax and do what it needed to do.

Having been 5 centimeters dilated for about 3 weeks now people tend to doubt that the real deal will ever actually conspire. I on the other hand was hopeful. I know my body works! I know it is an intricate process! I know it takes time! Did I get impatient at times? Yes. Did I ever consider throwing in the towel and going to the hospital and letting them break my water or a number of things that would have been done when they realized how far dilated I was and that I had been laboring on and off for quite some time? Yes!

It was one of those times where you just want to meet your baby soooooo bad (in our case, just want to know if babe is a girl or a boy…although I was CERTAIN he was a girl…yes, I said he!) I decided we would do the next best thing…enjoy our final day as a family of 5! I was a little concerned Austin would get in trouble staying home…that his boss would think he was playing hooky…I mean, its pretty hard to tell your boss “yes my wife was 5 cm dilated and yes we were at the park and yes she is in labor but no she isn't in pain,” for some reason, because of our fast food/birth mentality I don’t think he would have bought it. 

And even if he had that would be just one more person telling us to go in and “let them help us start things moving”. Nah, we prefer to fly under the radar. I had already skipped my last doctors appointment knowing i was dilated..a lot…and knowing there is no way they would be happy with me going home to let labor take its course.

So we woke up, got dressed and had breakfast.I made my “death tea”…Austins nice name for my red raspberry leaf tea. I asked if he wanted a sip, he said he wouldn't drink it EVER! We then proceeded to go to the park, to the library (where I read frankie a book 6 million times with something in the title about mommy having a baby.  This is a book she had become very attatched to every single library visit for the past 6 weeks or so).

The boys played video games, Austin and I talked, mostly about the coming child…what would happen if I really weren't in labor and he had to go to work on Monday with no baby news…you know…the usual topics lately.

He kept track of the rambunctious group while I took a quick trip to see my favorite Chiropractor. She adjusted me, we laughed about how I was sure a week before that I wouldn't be in again. We joked about this getting me all lined up for baby to shoot right out! Then I set up my next appointment and said as always, I hope I don't see you next week. 

 I stopped by Grand Central and picked up supplies for Labor Day Cookies. (I have now found out these are the basic same ingredients that women have used for quite sometime in the “groaning cake” generally baked during early labor.)  After getting all of my ingredients I didn't have at home I swung by the library and picked up the rest of the clan and we headed home. I baked cookie, “death cookies” they were later named…notice a theme here?!  They did taste and smell awful. I ate as many as I could handle (3) and decided that was it, I was taking a nap and labor would pick up. So Austin took the boys and Frankie outside to play basketball, swing, burn off energy, and most importantly leave mama alone!  Mama may have been a little teensy bit grumpy!

I layed down and proceeded to nap and woke up about 2 hours later IN LABOR! These contractions were different…they almost followed a scale…they would start suddenly…intesify slowly..and then work back to nothing…I KNEW THIS WAS IT! I smiled, almost scared to…thinking surely if I knew I was in labor it would somehow stop the whole thing. This is 3 days after my EDD by the way. I went to the bathroom, made some more death tea.  And happily walked outside.  I’m pretty sure there was a skip in my step now.  I also realized I was 6 cm now. (that was back up in the bathroom btw…yes yes, i warned you about TMI). 

So I walked out the door and wave to my husband who is too caught up in impressing the 8 year olds with his half court shot. I say, “Austin! Austin!”…and I smile and give him a thumbs up! We chat and decide its time for a walk. The boys wail, knowing they have to walk, no bikes this time. Frankie gets excited and we head out. Upon walking our usual route Frankie gets super excited and runs and trips over her own feet and falls and bonks her head!  A real nice goose egg! On the bright side she happily fell asleep in my arms and snoozed the rest of the way home.

We returned home and daddy filled the birth pool with the help of two little excited boys. they settled in to watching Scooby Doo on the TV in our room, sprawling across the bed. I spent time in Frankie’s room leaning on the birth ball just enjoying myself.  We posed for some pics courtesy our little photographer Kalel. Eventually the kids fell asleep and contractions got stronger.

I decided I would get in the water and relax.  I spent some time in there and Frankie woke up and joined me. She had fun splashing, “swimming”, and rubbing my back.  Eventually she got tired and made her way to the family bed and fell asleep too. That is when it really picked up.  Austin helped with hip pressure as Tranden was moving down as well as counter pressure on my back. Eventually I said, "Okay thats enough, you can leave me alone now, nothing is really helping now," and that he did!

He watched a little News Radio and I labored on. I only freaked out on him once…he entered the room and I yelled “Ew gross you brushed your teeth didn't you?!” my pregnant senses were on overload and that did not please me. I proceeded to apologize immediately following the contraction.  He also fixed the lamp on the nightstand beside the pool and I yelled at him for that too, which I also apologized for one second later.

Eventually we came to pushing…I began doing grunty pushing at the end of every other contraction.  It felt great…like I was actually doing something.  It took the edge of a little. At first I worried in my mind about “what if I am pushing too soon?” but that quickly was wiped away by “well I couldn't stop pushing even if I wanted to.”  I pushed off and on for almost three hours. it was great, powerful, scary…everything. I wish I had said out loud some of the thoughts going through my head at the time.

On video they would have been very funny. My husband took care of the obvious while I labored on. he basically left me alone (not physically, he was in the room) and that was the best thing he could have done at the time, its what I needed.  I had little conversations in my head about “how can i get to the hospital and get them to give me an emergency c-section,” but then I freaked out thinking “they won't give me one…there is no medical reason…I have to make them think there is a reason…well, that won't work…they will be so mad at me for trying to do this at home that they will take their time helping me and really make me wait it out!”  Then I was thinking “man now I see why women get the epidural,” and then freaking out.  “What if I'm not even dilated and I'm pushing and in pain for nothing???”

I quickly reminded myself, "duh you already checked and are fully dilated…you can feel the head right there…you’re just going to have to do it!”  Yes, I midwifed myself!  It was as if in that moment a lightbulb went off and there he was.  I remember Austin being in the bathroom and saying,"Baby! Baby!"  He ran in and said, "He’s right there!"  So out came his head and it was as if time was suspended with me thinking,  "Wow that is a really cool whitish bag"  The contraction was over and I waited for another and then his shoulders were out and about the time his stomach emerged the waterbag burst. He was the cleanest baby I had ever seen!

He came out crying and pink and flailing his arms. I brought him up and Austin said, "What is it? what is it?"  I replied, "I don't care!" Then I looked and sure enough he was a boy!!! Talk about shock! Yayay! So we waited and eventually I clamped and cut the cord.  Then I got out and loved my baby!

Within 3 minutes I was back leaning over the pool to deliver the placenta and the rest is history…not much left as far as story goes. We loved our baby, I fed him, we weighed him and he took a bath with me. We called a friend and had her stop by because we were just so excited!

She got me juice and helped us settle back into bed for the night. She also took the coolest picture of us and you can see the three kids snoozin' in the back ground. It was the greatest most undramatic birth ever…..Tranden Excalibur was Born!

Becoming an Educated Natural Birthing Mother

You can actually buy this shirt HERE

I am fascinated by how often the term "educated" is used when it comes to birth.  People talk about how the choices they made were due to "educating themselves" on the subject at hand and making a decision based on that.

Often however this education is made of of reading Facebook statuses from natural birth groups and blog posts from people.  (Yes, people like me!)  Or, on the other side of the spectrum, people claim to be too educated to birth at home because it is proven to be terribly dangerous.  The proof, their OB told them so.   

Sadly though, following a few naturally minded Facebook pages does not amount to making an educated decision regarding birth.  Nor does listening only to your doctor with the 40% c-section rate and checking out the small pamphlet he hands you.  I would even go so far as to say that simply reading "What to Expect When You Are Expecting" is also not enough information for educated birth decisions.

So how does the modern woman become truly educated about her birth decisions?  I am going to be presumptuous enough to tell you what I think helps.  Yes I know I am biased.  Yes I realize this sounds horribly prideful of me.  I am going to do it anyway. 

I don't think you need to be a doctor to be educated on your birth choices nor do I think that all educated women make the same birth choices. 

Here goes-

1) I love the site drugs.com because you can read the package insert for any drug commonly used in birth and delivery.  Simply being aware of the warnings and contraindications is eye opening.  Doing this in the depths of hard labor simply doesn't work.  If you want to be committed, then it simply helps to know why you are birthing naturally before you start birthing. 

2) Another great resource is the Cochrane Library.  You can search countless subjects here.  They describe themselves thus,

"Cochrane Reviews are systematic reviews of primary research in human health care and health policy, and are internationally recognized as the highest standard in evidence-based health care. They investigate the effects of interventions for prevention, treatment and rehabilitation. They also assess the accuracy of a diagnostic test for a given condition in a specific patient group and setting. They are published online in The Cochrane Library."

I personally think that this does have some limitations.  Because they compile studies they could leave some out and they are limited to what has been studied.  If all the studies are biased or bad then it could impact the findings.  Still, you will be amazed by the things that are common obstetric practices that have been found harmful.


3) PubMed is another source that I use often.  You can search for research articles according to subject.  One disadvantage is that the entire study isn't always listed, often just the abstract.  Still, there is lots of information to be found here if finding research journal articles is what you are looking for.

4)  The ACOG website can also be interesting reading.  Of course I consider them "the enemy" but there is some good info here. For instance, their position on less restrictive VBAC is fascinating reading.  It can be useful to know if your care provider isn't even aware of the recommendations of their own trade union.  (Yes, I consider ACOG a trade union.)  Even opinion papers like this one, which I disagree with, can be helpful because it is referenced.  You can then use the references to further research your interests on PubMed. 

I am sure that if you are interested you will find many other resources that can help you make a truly informed decision regarding your birth.

Some other things to keep in mind:

~Studies are often funded.  Who are they funded by?  Who is doing them?

~How big is the sample size in the study you are reading?  Do authorities consider it to be a well done study?

~Has the subject you are interested in even been researched well?  (Many haven't.)

~Is what you are reading a primary or a secondary source?  Or, is what you are reading simply an opinion on the subject (like a blog).  Knowing the difference MATTERS. 

~Question EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE.  Almost everybody is biased.  Almost everybody  has an agenda.  This goes for both sides of the spectrum.   Many of "facts" I hear batted around constantly by natural birth supporters simply can't be supported.  If proof exists I can't find it.  Remember- just because you  have heard something said 100 times, DOESN'T MAKE IT TRUE.  It just means it is accepted.  This is just as true for epidurals being safe as it is for other truths held to be sacred by natural birthing mamas.  (I won't say what things we often believe but can't prove because then you would all hate me.)

In the end, it is really quite possible to have a fabulous natural birth or a fabulous epidural birth having done zero research.  But, if you want to feel like you can back your opinions up with research facts, it is worth it to take the time to really find out what is proven and what is not.

I have a confession though.  All my choices aren't based in provable evidence.  Chances are yours aren't either.  That is OK- birth is deeply emotional and will never be decided simply by research.  But it is important that we know the risks and benefits of our choices.  Every birth choice has a risk and a benefit.

Good luck ladies.   

Take A Moment Each Day To Ignore Your Kids

Photo

(I should warn you- I suffer from a disorder known simply as "Smarta$$kinsons Disease."  It usually beings around the age of 13 and there is no known cure.)

I was listening recently to some people discuss the "how" of being a great parent.  Both talked at length about the importance of ALWAYS being there for your kids.  How we should never turn them away, never put off a special moment or brush them off. 

At first I felt, well, supremely guilty. 

Then my disorder kicked in.  My guilt was tempered by the sure knowledge that this task- the ALWAYS taking the time for your kids, is A) impossible and B) dangerous.

Yes, if you weren't paying attention, I just committed mom heresy and admitted that I don't and can't always drop everything for my children.  In fact, in the short few years that I have been a parent, I have decided that to do so is actually a great way to screw my kids up. 

Let me elaborate.

I actually delved into parenting with the "always available, never too busy for my child" mentality.  I am at heart a kind person.  I like to please people.  (Don't comment on this post if you actually know me.)  And so, as I set out to parent my first child, my man child, I strove to be available. 

I didn't want to miss out on any of the moments.  I wanted to selflessly serve.  I tried to be "available".  I still think this is a great policy for a baby.  But it starts to go awry as the years pass on. 

What happened you ask?  Well, the children began to expect me to drop everything for them.  If I was having an important conversation with their father, if I was on the phone long distance (remember long distance?), if I was in the middle of something that HAD to get done, guess what- the kids COULDN'T WAIT. 

Of course they couldn't wait, I had taught them that it was always about them, always their turn, they always came first and were most important. 

The sad truth about life though is that nobody always comes first.  And nobody SHOULD. 

Having a five year old who seriously is baffled when he walks up to interrupt an adult conversation is both frustrating and embarrassing.  I also maintain that it is bad for the child to believe that everybody around them should drop everything every time they have a thought they wish to share. 

Do I really want my children to grow up to be adults who believe that the world revolves around them?  How will they handle marriage?  How will they deal with the inevitable bumps and bruises of this messy game called life?  Will they throw ugly grown up tantrums?  Will I be ashamed? 

Yes, I will. 

But I'm not done condemning the  "always there" parenting teaching!  No- there is more!

Not only have I come to believe that this practice is bad for kids, I think it is pretty bad for mama too.  Eventually mom will discover that no matter how few or many children she has, all of this immediate "being there" whenever anybody needs them will run her ragged.  She will at some point realize that SHE CAN'T DO THIS.  It is impossible.  She may have a breakdown.  She may feel guilty.  She may give up.  But one thing is guaranteed, she will feel worn out and tired.  Then she will need to change her game plan. 

Don't get me wrong, I am not actually advocating constant ignoring of children.  I am not encouraging abuse or neglect.  In fact, I believe that selfless service is how we become the people we are meant to become.  But I can no longer believe that answering my child's every beck and call will someday equal a wonderful human being. 

I want my children to know that they are loved and matter.  I also want them to know that other people are loved and matter.  I hope that they respect their own needs and also respect the fact that other people, including their mother, have needs too.  I want them to learn to take turns, not get their way, wait for satisfaction, and sometimes put off their own needs.

Of course a baby DOES need mama almost constantly.  You can't put off their needs because they are just that, needs.  That still doesn't mean though that mama doesn't sometimes need a moment or a break.  A wise mother will know the difference as her children grow.  She will find the balance between being attentive and teaching respect.  

So if you see me making my kids wait while I finish a conversation, please try not to hate me.  If you notice me telling them that they cannot have my attention right now, know that I have tried the other way.  I have tried to "always be there" and it didn't work.  It wore me out and jacked up my kids.  (That is why they keep interrupting us.)

Good luck mamas.  Of course, as usual, feel free to ignore everything I say.  In forty years I will let you know how this all worked out.   

Joyous Birth - An Affirmation

Photograph by Katelyn Demidow

Joyous Birth

Birth is joyful

I look forward to it

My baby grows 

My body grows

The anticipation grows

The first tightening begins

I learn from them

How to relax

How to let go

How to give in to the birth as it unfolds

I listen to my body

Resting

Moving

Eating

Tuning in

Letting go of fear

Letting go of control

Simply riding the waves of labor

I allow labor to grow stronger

I am not fearful

But fearless

Joyful

Excited

Powerful

My body works

My baby works

I work

It isn't always easy

But there are always breaks

Rests between the work

Calm within the storm

The baby moves

Down and out

I open

It takes time

I accept that time

It prepares me

It prepares my baby

It is part of the process

I find joy in the moments with my partner

My family

My care provider

And within myself

I find my strength

I didn't know it was there

Transition

From woman to mother

Man to father

Two to three

Closer to my baby

The intensity is normal

I accept it

It may not be easy

But it will be worth it

Pushing

Powerful

Expectation

So close to my baby

So close to the finish

Hard work

With my body

And my baby

The first moments apart

But still together

Pulsing

Triumphant

Joyful

Birth

GIVEAWAY! Pregnancy Pamper Basket From Blissfully Essential Organics

Thank you so much to Blissfully Essential Organics for this very generous giveaway!  You can win a gift basket worth $55!

Here are the details:

1)  Go "like" the Blissfully Essentials Organics Facebook page.  You can find it HERE. 

2)  Then, comment on this blog post (down below) and remember to LEAVE YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS so I can contact you.  You can only comment once and I need the e-mail to reach you.

Then just WAIT- Contest ends on Friday night and I will announce the winner as soon as possible.

The basket will look like this:

It includes:  An 8oz jar of my blissful bump (belly butter), a 2 oz jar of my nipple butter, a massage tool, a massage soap bar, and a jar of sugar scrub solids. It is a $55.00 value and you can choose the soap smell you wish.

While you wait- take a moment to look over her shop, HERE.

Thanks for playing!

Dear Doctor, If You Would Like Me To Birth With You...

Dear Doctor,

If  you would like me to birth with you or in your hospital, here are a few tips that MIGHT make that more likely.

1)  Be nice to me- Sounds simple, but kindness goes a long way.  I hear there is a big fear of litigation these days in the obstetric community.  Surely there are opportunistic dopes who sue just because they want some fast cash.  But I have the sneaking suspicion that many of the women and families who sue their doctors are simply a little bitter about being treated badly by somebody who promised them that he would make everything "OK" and who, being human, couldn't deliver.  Add in a healthy dose of superiority and you have a lawsuit waiting to happen.

2)  Don't take my baby away unless absolutely necessary- Funny thing about many hospitals these days.  MY baby is treated like community property by all those involved in any way with the birth process.  They can take him, touch him, poke him, and are even required by law to perform procedures.  This really irritates some women.

Really.  

Really.  

Don't ever forget whose baby this is.  It is mine and I should get to make decisions for it.  I am a competent adult woman and capable of such. 

3)  Stop asking me about pain-  If I am in labor, the last thing I need is a pain scale assessment every hour.  I am still a little blown away that in the midst of laboring a woman would be stopped to rate her pain on a scale of one to 10.  If I want something for the "pain,"  I will let you know.  I am well aware that something called an epidural has been invented.

4)  Mother friendly.  Baby friendly.-  You should know what this is and you should follow it.  It is that simple.  Summed up, these two things mean treating women and babies with respect and then practicing evidence based medicine. Intermittent monitoring.  No IV.  Constant contact with baby.  Breastfeeding.  Basically it means being "friendly."

5)  Be VBAC friendly-  The words, "trial of labor" are insulting.  It isn't up to you to "let me try" to labor or not.  It is up to me.  The word "attempt" is insulting.  Be aware that if I am serious about a VBAC, the thought of a home birth has probably crossed my mind.  If you think that home VBAC is so dangerous, then you might want to offer me some of the perks that home VBAC would afford me.  Namely, intermittent monitoring, no IV, labor support, water for comfort, and somebody who actually believes I am capable of birthing my baby vaginally.  You may find home birth dangerous, but it might be my only CHANCE at a vaginal birth.



6)  Easy on the due dates-  I GET that you are worried about everybody exploding after 40 weeks.  But let's use some common sense.  Do you really believe that ALL women must have their babies by 40 weeks?  Does it even make sense?  Sure, someday all women will have their babies on the 40 week date.  It will be the same day we all are 5'5'', have blond hair, weigh 135, speak English, wear a size 7 shoe and like country-western music.  So, basically, that day will never come.  Stop hoping. 

7)  Be honest-  If you truly don't believe in natural birth, VBAC, or a woman's ability to birth, then TELL ME.  Really.  Bait and switch might sell car stereos but when this sales technique is used in relation to birth, it is cruel.  If you know you won't allow me to birth naturally then TELL ME so that I can find somebody else to be there for my birth.  If you know you will sabotage me every step of the way, please believe that I have a RIGHT to know this.  Birth isn't everyday for me.  It isn't how I make my living.  It is a sacred experience.  If I am disappointed or feel hurt by my birth, I will remember it forever.  I will only have a few babies and their birth's matter to me AND to them. 

I should admit something.  I have birthed in a hospital and I have birthed at home.  Unless I have to, I will never birth in a hospital again.  I know the difference and I am not interested in going back.  Even so, many women do want a hospital birth experience.  Those women, they deserve to be able to birth how they wish within that system.  They shouldn't be forced into home birth because of fear of the hospital.

Thanks for listening.

Crappy Mom Moments- Eventually They Will Happen To You

Found HERE

I sometimes find myself irritated reading "advice" about parenting from parents who are very new to the mom experience.  The occasional debate about some horrid thing that another mom dared to do to her child, can easily become heated.  It is so very easy to utter the words, "I would NEVER do that!" with appropriate indignation and self righteousness.  Of course, I do it too.
But....

Let me tell you something ladies- there is a reason this blog is about BIRTH and not PARENTING.  I know I can give birth.  I think we are pretty much all designed to do this.  Parenting?  I have no idea what I am doing.  And it seems to be such a huge, complex, changing yet monumentally important task.  It really matters if we screw it up.  Birth matters forever too- but it is so very brief in comparison and some of it is just out of our control.  Parenting however, if you foul it up- it kind of feels like it is all on you. 

It seems that every time I have an opinion about kids or parenting or how other people are doing stuff wrong, it comes back to bite me. 

Just this week I was sick.  I had one day that I was feeling awful and spent a lot of time in bed.  In my stupor I came to the conclusion that, A) Nobody should ever touch me again and B)  I was so freaking tired of nursing.

In my defense I have been either nursing or pregnant for the last eight years solid.  I have NEVER felt touched out.  When I would hear of other women talk about that feeling- like they just wanted everybody to get away by the end of the day, I thought......well I thought that was a little sad.  I wondered how you could ever get tired of milky cuddles and sweet little hands with fat fingers and unconditional love.

I would hear women so happy to "get their bodies back" after a baby weaned and I would wonder why they would be excited about that.  How could you be happy to see that relationship end?

But then it happened to me.  It took a long time, but it did.  One day I found myself wanting "my" body back and feeling done with nursing.

Before you freak out and tell me you hate me, I should mention that my baby is a year old.  My breastfeeding goal is always to hit the one year mark.  I should also mention that I didn't and won't suddenly wean her.

Still....something needed to change for me- for my SANITY.  To me this is one of the hardest balancing acts of motherhood.  How do we give selflessly but know when we need to give to ourselves?  How do we teach service and at the same time take time for our own needs?  How do we know when we are doing something for ourselves that will make us better mothers and better women or if we are just being selfish?  This, well, it's just hard to figure out sometimes.

I won't just cut off a one year old who is happily nursing.  But I did realize that unless I wanted to dread nursing that I needed to cut back.  I started offering more solids and offering them more frequently.  I stopped offering the breast so constantly.  I started offering her more water in a sippy cup.

An amazing thing happened.  My baby- the one who has been following me around whining and crying and acting pretty miserable and attached was suddenly HAPPIER.  And me, I was happier too.  It is nice to have a more content baby, and it was even nice to have myself a little more to myself.

This kind of thing KEEPS ON HAPPENING.  I constantly have humbling moments. 

I used to watch this mother in my son's class interact with her toddler.  She had a two year old who was always getting loose in the parking lot.  I often thought, "She needs to control that child or she is going to get RUN OVER!"  Of course my baby at the time grew bigger.  By the time she was two I had another baby. 

It is pretty impossible to carry my feisty and strong toddler while I hold the baby.  I tell you what- I will praise the Lord if that girl survives to adulthood.  She is loud and quick and built for battle.  She hates holding hands and loves getting away from me.  Though seemingly smart as a whip she sure as hell doesn't listen worth a hill of beans.  And she has gotten away from me in that same parking lot more times than I can count.

The only thing I know these days about parenting is that I am constantly amazed by how much I don't know.  The longer this mom gig goes on, the more I realize how much there is to learn and how little of it I can get from books or philosophies.

I will learn parenting from my children, from prayer, from other good mother's around me.  I will learn some of it from my gut, my heart, my instincts, and my head.  Being a good mother to one child will be a little different than being a good mother to the next one.  And when I think I have figured out that child, they will change, and grow, and they will teach me more.  Every time it will surprise me, and every time it will be a painful yet pleasurable journey towards finally figuring it all out.

But I will admit, right now, that I have bad days.  Awful days where I wonder why I am performing so very poorly in such an important task.  I do and say things that I am ashamed of and that I hope my children will not remember about me.  I have crappy mom moments.  

Someday I hope I am a wise grandmother who can give perfect advice to the sweet young mothers I hope to raise.  I hope I can hold their babies in just the right way and enjoy those moments without forgetting how hard it sometimes was for me, way back when.

But for right now, I hope I can be humble without being hopeless.  I hope I can laugh without bitterness and I hope that I can love in the moment.  I hope I can preserve my sanity, serve my children, and do it all without totally forgetting that I was once an individual.  I hope this journey can be beautiful and joyful even while it is kicking me in the pants.  Mostly, I hope my crappy moments are just that, moments, and not defining.  

Thank you for joining me on it, even in a small way.

I hope there is joy in your journey as mothers.  We are all in this together.  

"Zen Baby" Organic Baby Clothing GIVEAWAY!!

It's happening again!  Another fab Mama Birth Giveaway!
So excited to share this one from Zen Baby, our newest sponsor here at the old blog. And there stuff is so stinking CUTE!  Plus, being the crunchy mamas that we are, I think we all love this sentiment from this consciously living company-

"You will never have to worry about putting our clothing on your baby, because we only use 100% organic cotton, azo free dyes and PVC free inks. Zen Baby is mindful of everything that goes into making our product. From the soil the cotton is planted in, to the people who harvest it and the process in which everything is made. It all matters."

Here are a few of their products, you can see everything HERE on their website. 

So cute.

But this one- is my FAVORITE!  Fight the power baby! (You can get this design on a onesie!)

Here are the simple rules-

1) Go LIKE the Zen Baby Facebook Page!

2) Comment below on this blog post.

I would love too if you could share their site with your friends on Facebook so they get some more exposure.

Then WAIT- The contest closes on Tuesday evening.  I will announce the winner and then....
Because Zen Baby is awesome, they are doing FREE SHIPPING on their stuff for one week after the contest ends.  So even if you didn't get what you wanted, you can still buy it and get a great little perk.

Tell them thanks for a great product and a fab giveaway!

A Nurse With A Home Water Birth

 

First, HOW COOL IS THAT PICTURE?!

A wonderful birth story, and a testament to the FACT that movement is imperative to a more comfortable birth.  I too simply don't know how women do this when they are limited in their movements.  Go mama!  

Enjoy!

 

Myra’s Birth Story

2-12-12 ~ 12:33pm

The birth story of Myra actually starts before pregnancy. Growing up I had known about home birth and it seemed normal to me. I had thought of having home birth before but had expected that I would probably give birth in a hospital or birth center with the goal of going natural. As a teenager and in my early 20’s I had read various midwife books about “catching” babies at home and thought it was so awesome that I had considered going to midwifery school after obtaining my nursing degree. But alas, life gets going and goals sometimes change. 

 

Once my husband and I decided to try to have a baby I was non-stop researching natural birth, statistics, hospital and home birth interventions, risk and benefits. I was very quickly being drawn toward having my own home birth as long as my baby and I were healthy. So once I was pregnant, my friend referred me to her midwife, Dr. Lori, who I met and was absolutely sold on having our baby at home, naturally. I was able to win over my husband’s support when I presented him with all the information I found and after he met Dr Lori.

Throughout my pregnancy I read positive natural birth stories to help get my mind out of the Hollywood depiction of birth as an awful event and view it as a wonderful, positive, empowering event. It’s hard to keep your mind positive sometimes when presented with birth horror stories or of women who say they would have died without the epidural. I made a point to keep the mantra in my mind that labor would be hard work with a purpose. I often thought of the ‘pain’ of birth and associated it with the ‘pain’ felt when lifting weights when I had been a gym rat. 

Some days the workouts were excruciating, the sprints and squats almost unbearable and the intense burning pain of pushing my body to its max reminded me that at that time I had a purpose and the pain didn’t last forever. I worked with my body and got through each workout, each sprint, each squat, curl and pull up and reached my goal. This experience helped me with my thoughts on birth and in my everyday thoughts, I purposely changed the word “pain“ associated with birth to “discomfort“. Each contraction would be hard work, it could potentially be very uncomfortable but it wouldn’t last forever and I had a goal to attain and to get there I would have to work with my body.

During pregnancy my husband and I decided not to attend birth classes. We both decided that labor was going to be an event that you couldn’t control, but needed to work with, and I could prepare through reading books. I have always felt I’m good at teaching myself and like to do things independently rather than in a group. I read the Bradley books and really liked that approach and I also read Hypnobirthing and actually practiced meditation for birth in the third trimester. It’s funny how we prepare for one thing but it totally ends up being different. 

I’m glad I didn’t take the Bradley or Hypnobirthing class because for me, laying down and trying to stay totally relaxed did not work at all. Laying down was unbearable! I had to move with the contractions by swaying, squatting and having my husband push on my back. I also breathed and moaned and groaned. The one thing I can say I took away from both of these methods was to work with my body and not fight or be afraid of the contractions. My breathing and movements were what I felt I needed, not a method that I learned in a book. I did what felt right and what instinctively my body needed to birth Myra.

Now on to the good part. I stopped working at 38 weeks to get ready for Myra’s arrival. Nearing the end of my 38^thweek I was able to get some trim in our kitchen painted. We were and are still in the middle of a remodel of our home and getting the trim done meant I could put up roman shades. Since I would be laboring at home I didn’t want the neighbors to see a “labor peep show” if I was up at night. I joked about this but I really didn’t feel ready until that was done. So Friday I got that done and mowed the lawn, another thing on my “to do” list. 

At this point I had been having stronger, non-painful contractions all week that were very irregular. I would wake up every night about every 1-2 hours with them and sometimes during the day they would take my breath away. I still appeared to carry high and had never been checked for dilation which I actually preferred, since I felt if there was nothing happening, it would make me feel discouraged. I had an appointment with my midwife Friday and everything was great! Myra’s heart rate was about 140’s and I was measuring 39 weeks. 

I was due to hit 39 weeks that weekend so all was perfect. We discussed how Myra could come at any time and Dr. Lori said “Tomorrow is a good day” and I said “but I have to make some meals to freeze so Sunday is better!” We agreed that Sunday was also a good day. Little did I know Myra’s plan. That night my husband and I had dinner and went out to a movie together. It was a really nice night together. This is the last picture of me pregnant.

Saturday I prepared two meals to freeze for after her arrival. I felt ready and happy. At noon I went to the bathroom and there was bloody show and mucous plug. I didn’t get too excited, since I knew it could potentially be days for labor to really start. I called my mom that evening and told her. She said I would be having the baby in the next day or two. I still wasn’t too convinced. That evening my irregular contractions continued and at 10pm we went to bed. I woke up every hour with contractions until 3am when I could no longer sleep. 

I went to the bathroom and had more bloody show. At that point I went out into the living room and sat on the couch. They seemed much stronger and close together so I started timing them on my phone app and found they were about 5 minutes apart and 30-60seconds long. I suddenly felt starved and ate an english muffin with peanut butter. I stayed in the living room for two more hours and eventually had to start standing and swaying with the contractions. I’m so happy I had these few hours by myself. I knew if this was the real deal that I wanted Andrew to sleep as long as he could since I knew it would be exhausting for both of us. 

I thought about Myra, labor and the past 9 months preparing for her birth. It was quiet and I labored silently with soft moans and deep breaths in the dim light of the living room while my dogs slept and occasionally woke up to look at me and place their heads back down in peaceful slumber. Then at about 5am the contractions were definitely more intense and frequent so I decided to try and lay down again to see if they would slow. I went back to bed where Andrew slept and moaned through each contraction. Lying in bed was awful! All I wanted was to sway and move with them. 

I have no idea how women lay in a hospital bed and endure contractions laying down. I would want and epidural too if I had to do that. My moaning woke up Andrew and he rubbed my back and asked what was wrong. I told him I’d been having contractions for over two hours and he was said “really?” and was instantly awake. My contractions did not slow in bed and so I decided it was time to get up. Back into the living room I went and through one contraction felt shaky and nauseous. This made me wonder if I was farther along that I thought, since I remember nausea can occur later in labor as the body is transitioning. I still wasn’t convinced I was that close.

At around 6:30am I called my midwife, as they were getting stronger and about 3-5 minutes apart. She said she could come over if I wanted, but to call again if anything else happened. I thought it was too early still and figured I would be laboring all day. She suggested I eat something and we set up the birth pool. I also called my mom who asked when the midwife would be over. She was convinced it was going to happen very soon. 

While on the phone with my mom I could no longer talk through the contractions. I was in the kitchen eating cantaloupe between contractions and leaning on the counter swaying and breathing through each one. My mom said I’d better call my midwife again and we got off the phone since I had a hard time talking anyway. At around that time I ran into the bathroom feeling nauseous and projectile vomited somewhere near the toilet. I felt so bad that Andrew had to clean it up from the floor and walls but I did manage to get some in the toilet. 

 

So Andrew started setting up the birth pool and called our midwife for some instruction and told her that I had vomited. She said she would send over her assistant, Jamie, who lived in our town and she would be on her way. This must have been around 7:30 or 8am. Jamie arrived and I would guess around 9am Dr. Lori arrived. By this time I was swaying, squatting, sitting on the birth ball and rotating my hips and deep breathing through each contraction. 

Either Jamie or Dr. Lori checked my blood pressure and Myra’s heart rate intermittently. All was great. Andrew continued to be amazing and held pressure on my back where it was so tight and painful through each contraction. Through one contraction he told me my lower back muscles felt hard as rocks during the contractions and I believed it because of the discomfort! Eventually it was too uncomfortable to sit on the ball because of the pressure in my bottom, so I knelt on the floor and draped my body over the ball or against the couch. 

Through each one I kept my eyes closed and focused inward on the start, peak and the relief of the contraction easing off. I remember thinking at one point, that I now know why women get epidurals if they are offered. This labor thing was very hard work and the most intense sensations I had ever had in my life. I reminded myself not to think negatively about the pain and discomfort and remind myself of all the women who have done it naturally. My body was made to do this. I started going through a list of women who had natural births, starting with my mom.

Around 10am Dr. Lori suggested she check my progress. I layed on my bed and as she checked she stopped then said “Do you feel pushy?” I said “No” and she then said I was fully dilated! No lip and she could feel the bag of water! I was SO surprised and excited. So they left the room and went to get more supplies ready. My hubby and I hugged and I said “this is really the last time it’s just us” A little bittersweet but we were excited to meet our baby. Dr. Lori suggested I try getting into the shower and have some warm water on my back. 

That sounded great, so I went into the shower with the hot water on full blast. Andrew continued to provide pressure on my back and Dr. Lori reminded me to relax my shoulders and upper back by massaging the muscles. While in the shower I felt a little pop. I said a surprised “oh!” and saw some bloody mucous in the shower floor. I went through another contraction and then turned and said “So that was my water breaking.” No one realized it broke since it was nice and clear which was perfect. Another check of Myra’s heart rate proved she was doing beautifully with the water broken. Eventually the hot water ran out and off to the living room I went again, and labored some more near the birth pool. Andrew sat on the couch and I squatted and leaned back against his legs, but then my legs started to get very tired, and it felt like a ton of weight was pounding down on them. I opted to get into the pool at that point.

Into the pool I went and I don’t think I would ever do it again without that warm water. I first faced the side of the pool and draped my body over the edge while on my knees. Andrew was at my side draping a warm wet towel on my back over and over again. I felt weightless, and my legs and feet felt much better with the buoyancy of the water. During pregnancy my legs became so swollen that it was difficult to squat or even sit on the floor because of the swelling. At the very end I wore sneakers constantly to keep the fluid out of my feet. 

Any amount of time on my feet proved to be painful for my poor feet so laboring while squatting and standing was eventually taking a tole on my feet. After a while of laboring in the pool, Jamie came over and asked if I had the urge to push at all. I said no and she said that was ok, but it must have only been 5 minutes later and the most overwhelming urge came over me and my body started pushing! I had no control over it and found myself bearing down with each urge and grunting low in my throat. That was when Jamie, Dr. Lori and Andrew were all gathered around. I could feel more and more pressure in my bottom with each push, and eventually Dr. Lori suggested I turn around and lean back against the pool. I did that and Andrew was behind me supporting my arms and back. I remember thinking that when the baby started crowning I didn’t want Andrew behind me. I wanted him to be able to watch and knew he wanted to see her born.

So after some time he went to my side outside the pool and I hooked my arms over the pool edge and leaned back. I could feel her coming down and felt the most intense stretching and pressure in my bottom. As she crowned I experienced the stinging “ring of fire” and I kept thinking that this was the most awful necessary feeling I had ever felt. I then went back to my list of women who birthed naturally, and remind myself I could do it. Just push through the pain and it would be over, someday. I remember hearing Dr. Lori keep saying “push, breathe, you’re stretching, nice and soft here, stretch, push” to guide me through each push. 

She also told me I could feel her head if I wanted to. I reached down and felt her hard little head coming out. Andrew later told me I smiled when I felt her head, but I don’t remember smiling about anything at that point. I do remember thinking that I couldn’t believe this was happening and that was really her head! Dr Lori massaged my perineum with vitamin E and once Myra’s head crowned and forehead started to come, she told me to breathe through and not push, to allow for gentile stretching. 

That was so difficult! Not pushing when I felt the need to push. Finally I could resume and Dr. Lori announced that her forehead was through, her ear, her eyes, nose and then her head was out! I sat for seemed like forever with her head out until another urge came. I then pushed with all my tired strength with lots of encouragement from our team and one shoulder came through and then her body slid right out after the second shoulder. I opened my eyes and she came to the top of the water. It was all so fast and I grabbed her and pulled her on my chest. 

 

I DID IT! I couldn’t believe it. I think I remember saying “oh, baby, baby, baby!” Andrew was at my side and put his hand on her little body. He was teary. We sat there just marveling at this little baby. She was pink and cried after a few seconds. A hat and blanket were placed on her and we relaxed in the water.

As a little side note I have to talk about my dogs. They were in the living room the entire time just hanging out. When I started pushing, Andrew told me that Dahlia (Doberman Pincher) ran and hid in our bedroom. She must have been afraid of all the groaning and grunting I was doing. I do remember opening my eyes after a push and saw Progress (Great Dane) watching about five feet away. I laugh now, and I thought it was funny then that my dog was watching me push out Myra. Right after she was born Progress walked up and sniffed her over. For a few weeks he would run over to her when she cried and has been very protective of the house since she was born. Dahlia sniffed her when Andrew was holding her and took a week or so to get used to her. She was more concerned with me while I was recovering. She is a mama’s pup. She would follow me around, and be at my feet and was unusually calm that first week of recovery.

So after the cord stopped pulsing Andrew cut it and I handed Myra to him. He took her and sat on the couch and gazed at his new baby girl with all her little ten fingers and toes. He then went into our bedroom since I was headed there soon. I delivered the placenta which required some pushing and I felt so relieved once it was out! I stood up and immediately started to shake all over, to the point my teeth chattered. Dr. Lori and Jamie helped me into the bedroom where they prepared our bed, and I layed down and was covered with towels and warm blankets. Luckily the chattering stopped and I warmed right up. We laid there, I drank some orange juice and Myra christened her daddy by having her first poop in his hand. Yes, we even took a picture of that. She will hate me for it someday. 

 

Our family just went from 2 to 3 in one day. We laid there just absorbing what just happened and how this little baby was really here! She was weighed and measured right on Andrew and she never left our sight. She was 7lb 10oz and 22 inches. I nursed her and we made a bunch of phone calls to our family and sent out picture texts. After a few hours I ate the sweet potato and red pepper soup I made the day before and Dr. Lori stitched me up. I had some tears which required stitching and Andrew even watched that. 

So was natural homebirth painful? Yes. Was it worth it? YES. Would I do it again? Absolutely! I am so thankful for the way Myra’s birth unfolded. I knew birth would be challenging and yes, it was painful. I am so thankful that I was able to birth in water, not be hooked up to monitors, walk right after and be in my own home. I loved that Myra was in my arms and Andrew’s arms the entire time. No one took her to weigh or measure her. It was all done right on Andrew as we layed in bed. I am forever grateful to Dr Lori and Jamie for coming to our home to be present in our birth and for their knowledge, love and patience during the most empowering and vulnerable time in my life. 

 

That evening we lit a candle on a birthday cake and sang happy birthday to Myra. We intended to do it with our amazing birth team but forgot all about it until that night. So here we are, our new little family. Welcome Myra!

A Long Home Water Birth (But Still Awesome)

Can I tell you a secret?  I love long birth stories as much as the short ones.  For one, I think many women experience a "long" first birth and yet most want or think a short birth is superior.  It isn't always, each have their challenges.  But a happy natural birth like this one that is still long and yet amazing- well, it shows that it CAN be done and done joyfully.  

Birth is beautiful!

Enjoy~

Ellie’s Long Home Water Birth

I woke up at about 2:30AM on Sunday May 30th, I was three days from my due date, and was lying in bed wondering if the cramping I was feeling was from the spicy food I had eaten the night before or if they were real contractions. I decided to sit up for some reason, and when I did…there was a gush! I ran to the bathroom, and then realized I had soaked my underwear, but not much else was coming out. 

I yelled to my husband that I thought my water broke and texted the same thing to Jen, one of the midwives. She asked if it was clear (it was pink tinted), and she said that was fine, and to go back to sleep and call her when I started to get regular contractions. Nick went back to sleep, and I sure tried! I put on my birthing day affirmations from my Hypnobabies class and tried to fall asleep. It took a while, but I did fall back asleep for an hour or two. I went to the bathroom at about 4:15 and had a bloody show.

When we woke up around 8 or so, I texted my mom and she decided to wait awhile to come. Nick and I timed some of the contractions, which were becoming pretty painful. I could breathe through them and be fine, though. They were coming every 2 to 5 minutes and were about a minute long. 

We called Jen, and decided that she would come check me, if I was just a couple centimeters, we had some time, if I was 5 or more centimeters, then they would cancel their appointments for the day and come stay with me. Nick’s sister was the first to get to the house, and she took the dogs for us, thank goodness. Then I texted my two friends that I wanted to be there for the birth to let them know I was in labor. I told them I would let them know when to come….but they rushed on over anyway.

Around 1PM Rebecca, the other midwife, came to check me and I was only about 1 centimeter, and my cervix was still pretty thick. I was a little sad, but tried not to let it get to me. I did lots of walking around the house, rocking on the birth ball, and just hanging out around the house with my family and friends. We even took a walked around the neighborhood. The contractions stayed about the same most of the day. 

At one point during the afternoon, I went upstairs to try and do some hypnosis and take a nap while the family cooked out hot dogs and hamburgers for Ellie’s “Birthday dinner”. At this point the contractions were getting a little more intense, and I realized that the hypnosis tracks were not really helping the pain at all. After my nap I went downstairs and ate. It was really nice to be able to eat three meals while in labor! After dinner we went for another walk but I didn’t make it far because the contractions were really hurting and becoming longer.

Then everyone was sitting around watching a movie, while I sat on the birth ball listening to the birthing day affirmations trying to get through contractions that were becoming worse by the minute. They hurt really badly in my lower back, and all through my tummy. Then Jen showed up again to check me. 

We went upstairs, and as she was checking me, she told me that I was still at one…maybe one and a half. As she was checking me and telling me this, I got another contraction and started bawling my eyes out. It hurt so bad, I was sad that I hadn’t progressed at all that day, and I was starting to get scared I wouldn’t be able to have her at home like I wanted. 

Jen wanted me to sleep and try again in the morning. She suggested I either take Benadryl or some red wine to calm the contractions and help me sleep. Well, we didn’t have any red wine, and it was Sunday and no one sells alcohol here on Sundays. Plus the thought of drinking wine made me want to throw up. So, I took some Benadryl and she drew me a bath. Neither thing helped! The contractions hurt sooo bad and didn’t let up at all.

Once everyone heard that I haven’t progressed, they all went home, except my mom, who slept in our guest bedroom. Nick went to sleep and I tried my darndest to do the same. I was able to drift off a little between contractions, but other than that, I was up all night trying to deal with the contractions alone. The way I ended up coping with the contractions was to sit up in bed with my legs crossed and rock forwards and backwards. 

I ended up doing this through almost all the rest of my contractions that weren’t in the water. At one point during the night, I called Jen and told her I didn’t think I could do it. She said, well, you could go to the hospital, but they would probably just give you an epidural and Pitocin. I really didn’t want that…I suppose I thought she would have some magical solution for me, but she didn’t. I just kept doing what I was doing, and eventually morning came.

Once Nick woke up, he started helping me. From then on he rubbed my lower back and talked me through each contraction. I don’t know when, but at some point the Rebecca and her apprentice Kate came, and this time they stayed. She checked me, this time I was at 2 cm, and was very soft. So I did have some progress, but not as much as I would have liked. 

Nick and I just kept doing what we were doing. I pretty much lost track of time and just tried to make it through each contraction. I finally got in the birth pool and it felt sooooo good. It didn’t take the pain away, but it made it a little more bearable. We listened to the Hypnobabies relaxing music all day long, but I didn’t really try the actual hypnosis much since the day before. Nick was almost always in the tub with me, I could not have made it without him. It also felt really good when he would put the hot water hose almost directly on my lower back. 

Throughout the day, they were feeding me crackers and applesauce and making me drink water. I was grateful, because I knew I should be eating and drinking some, but I couldn’t get it myself. I couldn’t even think about it! Every now and then Nick would take a break, and either Rebecca or Kate would do what he had been doing. I found out later that they said that my contractions spaced out a lot whenever he left. So it turns out we were a good team! 

I remember having to go the bathroom, but not ever wanting to go because it hurt soooo much worse when I was on the toilet. Rebecca said that the toilet was a great place to labor, but I just couldn’t do it, partly because no one could rub my back! At some point they checked me again, and I was 5 cm! Woohoo! All that work really was doing something. 

Some of my contractions just seemed to go on forever. I remember saying, “Why won’t it stop? This one is not stopping!” Apparently I was pretty loud…I remember moaning and such, but mom said she could hear me loud and clear from downstairs! Oh, and all day on Monday it was just Mom, MIL, and FIL, and they stayed downstairs for the most part. We decided to call my friends to come when it got closer to time.

So...earlier that day Rebecca told me a little trick to try and help get me dilated, she said that at the end of contractions, I could give a little push. Not like I was trying to push the baby out, but just a little push. At that point I didn’t want to, but as evening was approaching, I started doing it. Then around 7:30 or 8PM, those little pushes started turning into real pushing. I decided I needed to get back into the birth pool, so they went to work getting it nice and hot. 

Jen finally arrived right after I got in. She checked me, and I was about 9cm! I was so happy (in between contractions….lol). They called my two friends that I wanted to be at the birth, and they headed over and waited downstairs until the midwives called them up. I started really pushing, and it hurt so badly! Nick and I were both in the pool, and I pushed when I felt like it. 

I tried my best to breathe through each contractions/push. I pretty much yelled through each one as well! I pushed for two hours. I changed positions in the water many times. I squatted, did hands and knees, was on my back with Nick supporting me. Jen and Rebecca actually did some hip compressions at one point. When she finally started crowning, I was on my hands and knees, and I was grabbing onto Nick for support. At one point I bobbed my face in the water by accident…ew! 

Jen was massaging me to help me stretch…I pulled away from her thinking she was hurting me, because it was stinging really bad, but she said, “It’s not me hurting you, it is you stretching out!” I said, “Oops, sorry.” She said, “Don’t apologize; I have actually been hit before…” Well, I finally pushed her head out, and then with the next push, out came the rest of her! 

Nick jokes about how she came shooting out and swam around the pool! Everything happened so fast, she came out, and next thing I know Jen had pushed her up under me, and I had to turn in the water quickly, sit up, then I took her and pulled her up. She was slippery! I got her above the water, and her little head flopped back down, and that scared me. 

I finally got a good grip on her and was just saying, “My baby! My baby!” I couldn’t believe she was finally out! She was born at 9:58PM, two hours before her due date. She was purple at first, but it didn’t take any time for her to pink up. Her Apgar scores were 9 at one minute and 10 at five minutes. After couple of minutes they had me get out of the pool and onto the bed. There I just held my little Ellie and nursed her. Then Nick cut her cord and took off with her to show FIL. 

After about 30 minutes I gave a little push and delivered the placenta. It wasn’t bad at all. Jen examined me and I had two small tears, and they didn’t need stitches. Nick came back with Ellie and we had a few minutes alone with her while the midwives cleaned up a bit and made a healing herbal bath with beautiful flowers for me and Ellie. It was wonderful and made for some great pictures!

After the bath Jen weighed and examined Ellie. She was 6lb 4oz and 20 and 3/4in long. She was long and skinny. It ended up the total length of labor was 43 hours! Wow…They had me eat some eggs and made me drink juice with Emergen-c in it so that I would be able to keep my energy up. They kept telling me I was going to be exhausted, but I guess I was running on adrenaline, because I think I stayed up the whole night just staring at her. 

I also felt well the next day, until sometime in the afternoon I finally took a nap, and when I woke up I felt like I had been hit by a truck. The two small tears ended up hurting pretty bad, and it makes me hope I never get major tears! I was also very sore for several weeks, but other than that, I was fine. Giving birth to Ellie at home was the hardest and most painful thing I have ever done, but I don’t regret it for one minute! I would do it all over again.