Hospital VBAC After Emergency Cesarean

photo via plussizebirth.com

I love this faith filled VBAC journey and how the hospital midwives encouraged mama to trust her body as she pushed her baby out. Hospital VBAC is possible- commitment and a great team make a world of difference.

Enjoy!

~

This birth story actually starts with the birth of our first daughter, Addison Rose, on January 13, 2009. Addison was born via emergency C-section before I ever went into active labor. Even though she was perfect in every way, I knew from the day she was born that I wanted the next birth to be different...that I wanted to experience labor and birth the way it was intended. This started my vbac journey.

Jason and I were elated to find out the day after Christmas 2010, that we were expecting, after 11 months of trying! The next 9 months were full of reading, studying, talking with friends, and learning everything I could about vbacs and natural childbirth. I wanted to be as prepared as I possibly could for the “big day.” We decided to switch to a midwife group for prenatal care (which was the best decision we could have made).
September 2^nd, my estimated due date, had come and gone, and our little girlie had yet to grace us with her presence. I had been having Braxton Hicks contractions for quite some time, and they had just become a part of daily life. Saturday, September 10^th we decided to have friends over for dinner. I made a comment to Jason before they arrived that it would be ideal to go into labor while they were over since it would help distract me. That entire evening I noticed my contractions were getting progressively stronger but not any closer together. Jason and I headed to bed a little before 1 a.m. but I knew after the first couple of contractions that lying down was not an option at that point. I headed to the living room where I turned on my Pandora radio station and the first song that started playing was “The Words I Would Say” by Sidewalk Prophets:

Be strong in the Lord
And never give up hope
You're gonna do great things
I already know God's got His hand on You
So don't live life in fear
Forgive and forget
But don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray
These are the words I would say

I knew as soon as I heard these words that I was going to accomplish what I had set out to do…I was going to get my vbac. I had such a peace about the birth of our daughter.

Sometime around 4 a.m. I headed to the shower because the contractions were getting quite uncomfortable and my back was hurting more and more. The warm water felt wonderful on my back and belly so I stayed in until all our hot water ran out. After I got out, I started attempting to time my contractions, which was quite unsuccessful. I finished “getting ready” and headed back to the living room to try to focus a little more on working through the back pain that was demanding my attention. About 6 or so I decided to go wake Jason because I felt I needed his help at this point to relax and couldn’t manage to correctly time my contractions. He made his way to the living room with me and we talked, laughed, relaxed and focused together. My contractions at this point weren’t consistent but were coming fairly close together, between 3 and 5 minutes, and were lasting anywhere from 45 to 90 seconds. We stayed like this till Jason noticed that I was hitting the “serious” signpost of labor and no longer wanted him talking during my contractions. We decided to make the call to the midwife on call (Margie) to see what her advice would be regarding heading to the hospital. We had a nice conversation during which she listened to me work through 3 contractions. I told her I didn’t want to go to the hospital too early and have my labor slow down, but I didn’t want to wait too long either. Her advice was to start getting our things together and make the call to Jason’s parents to come over to stay with Addison…but not to rush. This was about 7:30. Jason called his parents and I started collecting my last-minute items for my hospital bag. Just after Jason’s dad got to the house Addison woke up, which made things more difficult for me. I didn’t want her to think something was wrong with mommy but I definitely couldn’t talk to her during contractions. We finished getting our things together, getting Addison settled with her breakfast, etc, and got in the van to head to the hospital around 8:30 a.m. I knew there was no possible way I could sit down for the 30 minute drive so Jason put the back seat down so I could get on my knees and lean forward on it. I called my mom to let her know we were leaving and did my best to stay relaxed.

We arrived at the hospital around 9, signed whatever papers we needed to, and I was escorted to triage while Jason parked the van. After the required 20 minutes of monitoring (which ended up taking about twice as long because the baby wouldn’t cooperate) I was checked and found to be almost 6 cm dilated. I was thrilled to have that much laboring behind me! We were escorted to our room where they did a saline lock IV and hooked me to the telemetry monitor so I could get in the tub. I’m not sure how long I stayed in there but the warm water felt good on my back. I chose to sit on the birth ball next which allowed Jason to push on my back during contractions. At some point during this time simply breathing through contractions wasn’t cutting it any more and I found myself naturally vocalizing which helped so much. Jason was amazing with the words that he chose to coach me with, reminding me to relax and open. I made my way up onto the bed in a side-lying position and it took everything in me to focus and work through each contraction. I could hear Jason and the nurse talking every once in a while and the sound of the Brown’s football game on the tv in the background. A few different times the nurse commented on how well I was handling everything and Margie said I should teach the childbirth classes I was so relaxed! The pressure Jason was putting on my lower back was what was getting me through each contraction and I soon found myself involuntarily pushing. The nurse checked me to find I was only 7 cm, which was slightly devastating. I couldn’t imagine doing this for much longer since I already had the urge to push! I kept focusing on breathing and vocalizing through each contraction and soon the urge to push was overwhelming and I could feel the baby moving down the birth canal. The nurse recognized all of this and asked to check me again. “8 to 9 cm, but VERY stretchy” was her discovery, which frustrated me. How was I going to be able to ignore that urge to push for who knows how long until I was fully dilated? (I learned later from Jason that she actually said she could push the rest of the cervix over the baby’s head if I wanted to start pushing.) I did my best the next few contractions to breathe through them and not push but my body was taking over and I just couldn’t help it. I made a comment that I couldn’t help myself and she said, “Just do what your body is telling you to do.” Sweet relief! I could push!
I moved into a reclining squat position on the bed and started pushing, gently at first to try to get the hang of it. Pushing felt so much better than not pushing, but my pubic bone hurt really badly in between contractions from the pressure her head was putting on it. Because of this I starting pushing as much as I could and as hard as I could with each contraction to try to get it over quickly. After a few minutes of pushing while reclining I asked if it would be better to move into a different position. Margie told me to do whatever I wanted to do so I moved to my left side for a bit. This felt ok, but my hip started hurting from my leg being held up so I finally moved onto hands and knees which felt the best, by far. Pushing just felt so natural. I started getting worried that I wasn’t making good progress and that she wasn’t going to come out like she should so I repeatedly asked for “progress reports” on how much she was crowning and if I was doing ok. Jason and Margie, along with the two nurses, were amazing cheerleaders and kept telling me I was doing great and she was coming. After 30 minutes of pushing Hadley Reese made her entrance into the world! As soon as her head was out she started screaming, but I had to wait till the next contraction to push her shoulders out, and then her waist. The official time of birth was 2:24 p.m. on September 11, 2011. Margie slid her up between my legs where I picked her up and hugged her to my chest. I kept saying, “We did it!” Jason later said I was acting like a kid at Christmas, I was so giddy. The placenta came on its own just a couple minutes later and Hadley and I were able to bond while the doctor came in to assess my bleeding and stitch me up (I had a 2^nd degree tear which I later found out tore through a vein, resulting in over a liter of blood lost). She wasn’t too interested in nursing right away so we just snuggled, getting to know each other in a brand new way.
This journey has taught me more than I could ever imagine about trusting my body and the power of love and trust in those around me. I could not have had this incredible experience without Jason’s loving support and our wonderful nurse Alice and midwife Margie. I know it has changed me and I thank God that He allowed me this experience.

To The Pregnant Woman Of Today::

I wanted to share a wonderful guest post. It is from a lovely mama from the Mama Birth facebook page. I have loved seeing her insights and her positive attitude over the last few months. Enjoy her bits of wisdom, her trust in her Creator and femininity and her experience. ~

Written by Rachael Rayy

To the pregnant woman of today (or if you are thinking of becoming pregnant):

As you embark on this new journey in your life think on these things.

I am not here to persuade you in one way or another, I am here to let you know you have a choice. Being pregnant is the absolute best blessing given to women.

We are given the responsibility to see new life comes into this world. We are given the tools needed to do so.

God is perfect. Everything he does is done in a perfect way, HIS way. He is amazing and so is His Design on the woman. This design he made to bring life into this world is perfect… Will you choose to trust Him completely?

Now let’s get to it:

Being pregnant is an amazing feeling. Giving birth has an equally amazing feel to it. This is the best and most important thing you can do as a woman.

You have choices. You NEED to make choices, and you need to make decisions regarding your pregnancy and labor. -- BEFORE that day comes.

Being informed is not only smart, but it’s important. Looking back on my first pregnancy and birth, I feel so awful I didn’t research and understand the things that would take place on the big D-day. So, I just went with the flow and did whatever my Dr told me. It was a very “textbook” birth. It was NOT a bad birth by any means. It could have been worse, but it also could have been better. With what I know now, it could have been a LOT better.

You live and you learn-- as cliché as that sounds, it’s true. I grew from that first birthing experience. It took me two more before I got it “right” and even then there are things I wish I would have done research on before my last labor, but I didn’t. I will definitely know for next time though ;)

You say you don’t know where to start? Let me help you with a few “routine” hospital procedures:

Inductionà why it’s not good for baby.

Pitocinà how it affects baby

Epiduralà again, how does it affect the baby?

Cutting the cord immediately after birthà what are the risks to baby?

Do you see a trend here? All of these things affect the baby? This is NOT about you. This pregnancy and birth isn’t about how YOU feel… it’s about how the baby feels and what the baby needs.

There are PLENTY of good resources out there.

Am I here to persuade you to choose one way of birthing over another?

NO!!! That is not why I am sending you this.

I am sending you this because I have seen too many women NOT know their choices and end up not having the birthing experience they could have.

I want to let you know you don’t have to settle for “normal” -- you can settle for things the way God intended things to be-- natural and without interventions.

Its hard work, I won’t lie. Labor is hard. Is it painful? The pain can be managed by focusing. I prayed through every.single.contraction while in labor with my last baby. I prayed and I told myself to focus. And the pain that WAS there went away. It was only when I didn’t focus that the pain took over and I felt like I lost control of the situation. But it didn’t have to be that way, as long as I focused.

You can do this. You are about to partake of the most joyous event you will EVER experience. Make it the best experience.

Educate yourself, educate your husband. Help him get on board with what is right for you and your family.

There is no right or wrong as long as you are informed. YOU make this the birth YOU want. Not the birth your Dr wants or the hospital says you have to have. This is all about YOU!

If you need any help or have any questions, I am willing to help you out in any way I can. I want you to embrace the blessing of babies as much as I have I think every woman deserves this chance. Some won’t take it and some won’t know about it.

Why You SHOULD Choose Drugs In Childbirth- And Which Ones

There are many different definitions for the word drug, only one of which applies to this post- When I say there are some drugs you SHOULD choose for your labor I am not referring to chemicals injected or absorbed from the outside of your body in, rather to the looser definition of drug,

drug (drug)

1. a chemical substance that affects the processes of the mind or body. (Found here.)

Which drugs should you choose for your labor?

Natural oxytocin, known side effects are-

"Oxytocin is the hormone that causes the uterus to contract during labour. Levels of oxytocin gradually increase throughout labour, and are highest around the time of birth, when it contributes to the euphoria and receptiveness to her baby that a mother usually feels after an unmedicated birth. This peak, which is triggered by sensations of stretching of the birth canal as the baby is born, does not occur when an epidural is in place. Administration of an epidural has been found to interfere with bonding between ewes and their newborn lambs." Sarah Buckley

Hey, that sounds kind of nice! Euphoria and loving that baby!

Or synthetic Pitocin, known side effects are:

"The following adverse reactions have been reported in the mother:

Anaphylactic reaction	Premature ventricular contractions
Postpartum hemorrhage	Pelvic hematoma
Cardiac arrhythmia	Subarachnoid hemorrhage
Fatal afibrinogenemia	Hypertensive episodes
Nausea	Rupture of the uterus
Vomiting

I could go on, but you can find the rest here, the official FDA guide to Pitocin.

Maybe you would enjoy the effect of the drugs known as endorphins in your labor. They can,

"In addition to decreased feelings of pain, secretion of endorphins leads to feelings of euphoria, modulation of appetite, release of sex hormones, and enhancement of the immune response. With high endorphin levels, we feel less pain and fewer negative effects of stress." Via medicinenet.com

Decreased pain IN LABOR?! Release of sex hormones....this sounds good. Of course you could always opt for an epidural....

Bupivacaine, a drug common in epidurals can do this:

"Spinal anesthesia may alter the forces of parturition through changes in uterine contractility or maternal expulsive efforts. Spinal anesthesia has also been reported to prolong the second stage of labor by removing the parturient’s reflex urge to bear down or by interfering with motor function. The use of obstetrical anesthesia may increase the need for forceps assistance."
(Don't worry, there are actually more side effects than this, you can find them here.)

Or maybe you would like the side effects from chloroprocaine, another common epidural drug.
(From the manufacturers package insert no less. You can read more, here.)

"Adverse reactions in the parturient, fetus and neonate
involve alterations of the central nervous system, peripheral vascular
tone and cardiac function.
Maternal hypotension has resulted from regional anesthesia. Local anesthetics
produce vasodilation by blocking sympathetic nerves. Elevating
the patient’s legs and positioning her on her left side will help prevent
decreases in blood pressure. The fetal heart rate also should be monitored
continuously, and electronic fetal monitoring is highly advisable.
Epidural, paracervical, or pudendal anesthesia may alter the forces of
parturition through changes in uterine contractility or maternal expulsive
efforts. In one study, paracervical block anesthesia was associated with
a decrease in the mean duration of first stage labor and facilitation of
cervical dilation. However, epidural anesthesia has also been reported
to prolong the second stage of labor by removing the parturient’s reflex
urge to bear down or by interfering with motor function. The use of
obstetrical anesthesia may increase the need for forceps assistance.
The use of some local anesthetic drug products during labor and delivery
may be followed by diminished muscle strength and tone for the
first day or two of life. The long-term significance of these observations
is unknown."

Remember- you will have drugs during labor. The question is, do you want the ones your own body produces during an undisturbed and euphoric birth, or do you want the drugs that have package inserts and warnings? It is up to you.

When I Think "THEY" Should Do Better

Does anybody else have a daily struggle with fault finding with their significant other? Well I totally do, but every time I read this story it reminds me how insignificant many of these things are and how changing the way I look at others can positively impact my own happiness. Not to mention, it probably makes everybody else's life easier too.

What does it have to do with motherhood? Focusing on our own difficulties with parenting rather than those of others might be harder on our own ego, but better for our development and our children's happiness in the long run.

Peace out mamas!

The Grapefruit Syndrome

My husband and I had been married about two years—just long enough for me to realize that he was a normal man rather than a knight on a white charger—when I read a magazine article recommending that married couples schedule regular talks to discuss, truthfully and candidly, the habits or mannerisms they find annoying in each other. The theory was that if the partners knew of such annoyances, they could correct them before resentful feelings developed.

It made sense to me. I talked with my husband about the idea. After some hesitation, he agreed to give it a try.

As I recall, we were to name five things we found annoying, and I started off. After more than 50 years, I remember only my first complaint: grapefruit. I told him that I didn’t like the way he ate grapefruit. He peeled it and ate it like an orange! Nobody else I knew ate grapefruit like that. Could a girl be expected to spend a lifetime, and even eternity, watching her husband eat grapefruit like an orange? Although I have forgotten them, I’m sure the rest of my complaints were similar.

After I finished, it was his turn to tell the things he disliked about me. Though it has been more than half a century, I still carry a mental image of my husband’s handsome young face as he gathered his brows together in a thoughtful, puzzled frown and then looked at me with his large blue-gray eyes and said, “Well, to tell the truth, I can’t think of anything I don’t like about you, Honey.”

Gasp.

I quickly turned my back, because I didn’t know how to explain the tears that had filled my eyes and were running down my face. I had found fault with him over such trivial things as the way he ate grapefruit, while he hadn’t even noticed any of my peculiar, and no doubt annoying, ways.

I wish I could say that this experience completely cured me of fault finding. It didn’t. But it did make me aware early in my marriage that husbands and wives need to keep in perspective, and usually ignore, the small differences in their habits and personalities. Whenever I hear of married couples being incompatible, I always wonder if they are suffering from what I now call the Grapefruit Syndrome.

(You can find the story from it's original source here. )

Humbling Moment #548- Sometimes Babies Just Cry

Before I had children I was one of those people with almost no experience with children. I have younger siblings but we are pretty close in age and I never really took care of them. I could count on my fingers and toes the number of times I actually baby-sat before I turned 25 and none of those included actual babies.

So as I sat in my final Bradley Method natural childbirth class and learned about newborn care I still thought I knew everything. I think my teacher Donna said something about comforting babies when they cry and figuring out what was bothering them. I actually said something to the effect of "My baby won't cry because I will breastfeed him."

Everybody looked at me with this puzzled look, brows furrowed, even my husband knew that this was a ridiculous statement because he had actually BEEN around babies. Donna said something about how sometimes even that won't comfort them. I looked at her like she had three heads. What the hell was she talking about?!

My baby would surely look like the baby in the picture above all the time.

I was shocked to find that as soon as he was born I didn't know what was going on. The nurses in the hospital seemed to know better than I what he needed. We went home and it took a while to figure out the whole breastfeeding thing. More crying ensued on both sides. Then, just when I was starting to feel like I had figured things out, disaster struck.

Around six weeks started the strangest thing. At 10:00 pm he would start screaming. This would last until about 1:00 am and then abruptly stop. The first night, I almost took him to the emergency room I was so flustered. He was red and hot from screaming. I rocked, wore, tried to nurse, walked, sang, patted, set down, passed to daddy, and on and on and on and NOTHING worked.

I actually sat poring over Dr Sears' Baby Book checking off the things to do for a fussy baby. I was doing them ALL. Nothing seemed to work! I contemplated burning that book more than once. (By the way, baby wearing, breastfeeding, attachment parenting and on and on do not actually guarantee a perfect baby twenty four hours a day.)

Then, a few weeks (like SIX- I know it could have been much worse) later, this abruptly stopped. What the HECK?! It was textbook night time colic and it drove me nuts. I thought I realized then that sometimes babies cry and we can't figure out why. But no, I needed to be humbled again!

Along comes baby number two. I am actually TERRIFIED of having another child. The first one is almost three and still doesn't sleep through the night, how on earth will this work? Guess what- she slept like a dream. By a few weeks she was like some baby trainers model student- 10 hours straight every night.

Finally- I had figured it out!!!! I could ensure a cry free baby! Go ME!

I started telling people about my secret! It was the fabulous Harvey Karp and his 5 S's! I still love that video and truly believe that re-creating the womb for a few months after the babies birth is incredibly helpful. Lucky for me it only took two children to figure out how great I am at this whole "mothering" thing. Huge sigh of relief with me folks! Siiiiiiiigggggghhhhhh.

Oops- then comes baby three.

Don't worry folks, I have got this thing down. I am not even worried this time. Out comes baby- beautiful peaceful home birth, no vaccinations, chiropractic from birth, carried around all the time, all breast milk all the time and ......

She CRIES! For no apparent reason! In the middle of the night! I tell my midwife- "She doesn't sleep that well." She looks at me like by the third kid I should know that they need to eat frequently. But no- that is not it. I don't have a problem with a baby waking to eat throughout the night. But this baby wakes, eats and then cries for an hour or so. (No reflux either) We adjust her, we sleep with her, we move her to a crib, we swaddle, yada yada yada. It doesn't work! (I truly believe that this was just a combination of a sensitive baby and normal aches and pains of life and growing PLUS a very strong personality with a strong aversion to missing out on anything. Some people (babies) just feel like sleep takes way too much time.)

I just had number four. I got lucky again. She sleeps like a dream. It is fantastic. Really, it is, because sleep is nice for mama. Lucky for you though, I now realize that sometimes how a baby acts has nothing to do with how good a mother you are or how much you know. Sometimes it is just luck and baby personality and LIFE. I have been blessed with easier babies when I really couldn't have handled anything but that.

Humbling Moment #548- Sometimes babies just cry. Sometimes we can do everything "right" and not get the results we were expecting. Sometimes our children have personalities of their own that can not be controlled by us, even as young as a newborn. And sometimes I need to learn the same lesson a few times before I actually "get" it.

So- good luck with your babies and their individual personalities. And if you want to see one of my other humbling moments, I started counting at #547- Women With More Than One Child Are Not Actually Insane.

I have no idea when I will actually get to STOP counting, but I am hoping for soon. Will keep you posted though.

The Twilight Saga and Modern Birth Stories

Warning- Spoiler Alert!
If you haven't read the Twilight Saga and don't want to know how it ends- stop reading now!

Vampire Birth-
I admit- I was totally addicted to the Twilight Saga (yeah - I know I am too old for that) and I like the movies too, but when I read the last one I hated the birth!
I realize it makes me a nut job to actually be upset by a fictional vampire birth but- hear me out- I have a few good reasons.

The Birth-
If you haven't read the books, the last one ends with the heroine (a human) pregnant with a vampire baby. Of course, who knows how this will work out! Can a human woman survive a vampire birth!?
As we get closer to the rapidly approaching due date mama is sick, this crazy baby is hurting her from the inside out, and then, suddenly, emergency strikes!
Mama starts bleeding and the only thing that can save her is- you guessed it- a vampire c-section! Things are pretty touch and go for a while but with the help of some blood transfusions, lots of emergency medicine, (luckily there was a doctor present for this home birth) and narcotics, mom and baby pull through. Their survival of the horrors of birth are of course all due to the emergency c-section that mom received! (Don't even get me started on the breastfeeding situation. You think it hurts to nurse a regular baby, try one with fangs!)

Real Birth Stories-
So this is all pretty dramatic and silly, but how similar does it sound to almost ALL of the birth stories I hear from women? Very similar in fact (except for the vampire part). Most women I talk to are so afraid of birth, especially home birth because they had to be "saved" from their last birth.
How many times have you heard this or similar phrases coming from the lips of a recently delivered woman:
"It's a good thing I was in the hospital, because XYZ went wrong and we just wouldn't have survived without the technology."
Does anybody notice that technology ABC (insert here continuous fetal monitoring, epidural, supine pushing or any other number of standard procedures) are what caused the need for emergency medicine in the first place?!

Birth Stories MATTER!
I love those books- I really do. But what kind of message are we sending to the women and young women in this country when all the birth stories they hear are like this? Why are so many of our birth stories actually horror stories that end with the damsel in distress (IE, mother in stirrups) being saved by her knight in shining armor (IE, obstetrical surgeon and his knife)?
Not only do women hear these same scary stories from almost every woman they meet- they are now in books and teenage literature.

Good Birth Stories
For all you mamas out there with good birth stories, I think it is time we started sharing them. I don't mean tell everybody how much better you think you are because you suffered without that epidural, I mean tell people about the JOY of natural birth. Let's give some of those new mamas the confidence they need to have a happy and beautiful, even orgasmic birth experience.
If you are looking to read some good birth stories, check out either of Ina Mae Gaskin's books, "Ina Mae's Guide to Childbirth" or "Spiritual Midwifery". Both have lots of safe natural births and both give you an idea of how different labor is for every woman.

Oh- and there are a TON on the blog!

Home Water Birth, With A Break- But NO Forced Pushing!

(Photo courtesy of a FB mama- different birth)

I love that this birth has the "famous" as she calls it, BREAK between reaching full dilation and feeling the urge to push. So often women don't realize they get this, because they are medicated. I have talked to so many even natural birthing women who believe that they never get the urge to push and who are coached to push. This is an intervention- and can cause problems. How wonderful that this mother got that break and was allowed to have it!

Enjoy-

Kage's Home Water Birth

I choose a home water birth because birth is a natural part of life, not a medical event. The more I read about hospital births the more I was absolutely sure that is NOT what I wanted to bring my baby in to even years before I ever got pregnant. My body was made to bring life into this world and all I needed to do was trust it and it would be able to do everything on its own and safely.

And my birth was Beautiful. I don't know if words will ever quite do it justice but I will try...

I was so excited when I went into labor at 2am on July 3rd. "This was it" I thought, "I will be holding you very soon. Now to just get through labor and birth...". Admittedly, I was a little nervous about the pain because it was my first birth. MJ (my husband) was my source of strength and support and helped me realize I could do it.

I labored most of the day in our bedroom on a huge yoga ball listening to Native American music with nature sounds. It was so calming and relaxing and allowed me to be in a Zen like trance. The pain wasn't pain anymore and I was able to focus all the energy on my body opening. I just kept thinking "open" and picturing a lotus flower every time a contraction came on.

By around 9pm I was 6cm dilated. To help speed things up MJ and my midwife convinced me to walk from our 3rd floor apartment to the pool down the street to labor in for awhile. What felt like a hundred years and 3 contractions later we finally got to the pool. The cool water was so inviting to my huge, heavy, contracting belly. While in my trance (otherwise known as "laborland") I just stared at the stars. They were so hypnotic. Like I was dangling at the edge of the universe and everything else around me was a blur.

I heard the conversations around me but I didn't understand them. "OH, so this is 'laborland' " I thought. I don't really know how long we stayed at the swimming pool, but when we finally made it back to the apartment I kept asking April (my midwife) "can I have my hot pool yet?!" She said I had to wait until I was 7cm and when she checked me around midnight I was 8cm dilated. Then finally April spoke the words I had been waiting so long to hear, "MJ, its time to fill the pool."

An hour later I was able to step into the pool and I just melted. The hot water was so relieving on my tired body. It was like a warm protective blanket being wrapped all around me. I took the position of squatting in the water with the top half of my body hanging over the edge so it would open my pelvis and I would be working with gravity to allow the baby to descend better. I got the famous 20-30 minute break between the Transition and Pushing phase and the hot water allowed me to finally get sleep for some time.

When I was awaken by contractions, I felt this uncontrollable urge to push. I asked April, "My body wants to push! Can I push?!" she checked me and I was fully dilated and said "Ok Heather, I want you to give me 3 pushes with each contraction". "This is it" I thought, "here you come!". MJ held my hand and when I looked at him, he had tears of joy running down his face. He was my most loving and confident support while I was pushing. I don't know what I would have done with out him.

After what felt like 5 minutes (but really was 30 minutes) of pushing the head was out. April told me "One last push Heather!". And with that last push the baby was out! April pushed the baby underneath my legs and I lifted baby to my chest. "Its a boy!!" I exclaimed looking at MJ who was smiling tears of joy. I looked down at my beautiful baby boy for the first time and our eyes locked and our souls became entwined. "Welcome to the beautiful world Kage. I love you."

Kage John

Born: July 4th 2011 at 4:32am

6lbs 13oz, 20 1/2 inches

Mom: Alone

I asked for ideas on blog topics the other day and one of the first suggestions was dealing with being a mom when hubby is gone most of the time working.

Hmmmm.....

The funny thing is I have been struggling the last few months with this same thing. My husband often works late and has been often called away with other duties. And then, as if my anxiety level wasn't high enough, he got sick and was stuck on the couch for a few weeks. (He was then HOME but, to put it nicely, useless. I always thought it was mean when women referred to their husbands as another child to care for, but in this instance, it kind of felt like that.)

So, this is not a subject that I feel I have a lot of wisdom on but I will try to throw together a simple ingredient list of things that can help a mama trying to do it alone a lot of the time.

Ingredient 1- Gratitude!-

I remind myself that though dad might be gone often and busy and maybe not helping, I am lucky that my children have a father who is part of their life and is willing and able to work in order to support them. Step one for me in remaining positive is NOT focusing on the fact that I am getting a bunch of kids ready by myself and nobody helps me with the laundry.

I am simply so very grateful for a husband who tries, has stuck around, and shares my desire to have mama at home while the kids are young. There are so many single mothers out there who not only get to do all the child rearing alone, but also must do the providing alone. Having a husband who is gone a lot is a blessing when he is a good father and provider. So- Kudos and blessings to single mothers and their work.

Ingredient 2- Don't Complain-

In full disclosure, I have a really HARD time with this. I have spent many a bitter moment not wanting to handle another day alone.

That being said, keeping our complaints to ourselves, at least from our children (sometimes you just need to talk to a girlfriend though), is really important. For one thing, the more we talk about something, the more it becomes us. So, if I don't want to be an unhappy complainer, then I probably shouldn't act like one.

I always think of my mother when I think about going through difficult situations without complaint. Growing up my father seriously worked long hours away, like 6-8 months at a time with hardly a telephone call. Now that I have had a few children like she did and have had my spouse gone for even a few days at a time, I have no idea how she did it. I can honestly say though that NEVER once the whole time I was growing up did I ever hear her complain. Not once.

When people would tell me how "hard that must be" with my dad gone all the time, I honestly had no idea what they meant. It just had always been my life and mom never complained about it so it seemed just normal to me. So step two, fake it till you make it!

Ingredient 3- Accept Help-

Sometimes, it takes a village, especially when you are practically raising a village. When I go out in public, to the store, or to church, people think I have my hands full, and often, they offer to help. Yea for nice people!

I would like very much to be totally self reliant, self sufficient and basically awesome at wrangling toddlers, nursing babies, and breaking up scuffles between the older ones all at the same time. But alas, I suck at that. So, when I go to the grocery store, sometimes some random person helps me put a kid in the grocery cart or opens a door for me. Sometimes a friend or family member offers to take a child for an hour or two. When I go to church, people help me hold a baby or distract a two year old or sit with a child. And if they don't offer, I ask. Or I just hand some poor unsuspecting soul a baby.

The reality is when there are many (or even one or two) children of a certain age, help is, well, helpful. One of the many lessons of motherhood is learning humility and the need for others. And, in a few years, maybe I will be more aware of the needs of some other young mother and she won't need to ask, because I or you have already been there and know what it feels like.

Ingredient 4- Hard Isn't Necessarily BAD-

Many a time in the years of schooling, stress, new business, not enough cash, illness, the unexpected and everything else that makes up normal life, I have found myself just wishing that it would all be easier! This may be a lame emotion, but I am pretty sure that I am not lonely in feeling that life sometimes is just beyond my ability to handle it well.

Sometimes it is helpful though to step back and realize that having things easy is not always the best way in the long term. This story really helped me remember that:

"I remember a young couple just out of college. One parent gave them a home; the other parent gave them furnishings and a new car. They had everything in the world given to them. Within three years they were divorced. They hadn’t worked and sacrificed. They had leaned on each other and on their parents as a crutch, had crippled themselves, and hadn’t grown. They hadn’t learned the hard part. They hadn’t worried about making their marriage work. Make sure you sacrifice, share, and grow together." Robert D Hales

It probably sounds somewhat cliche- but sometimes what doesn't kill you DOES in fact make you stronger. Hard things in life and marriage have the ability to bind us closer together as we find a way to make it through together. Admittedly, sometimes those hard times pull people apart- but I really don't want to let that happen in my relationship. Looking back, I can see how the difficulties taught us (and me) lessons that I needed to handle the next part of life.

So hard, is sometimes a GOOD thing.

Ingredient 5- Don't Give Up-

The more I hear from other mothers and women, the more I realize how much we have in common and how familiar the struggles I have are to others. So, maybe I am not alone when sometimes as an overwhelmed, over hormoned, mama, I just feel like I can't take any more.

But hope is important and so is hanging in there. We don't have to be perfect every day when we are mothers. We have to try- really try- but perfection is not going to happen very often. And when it does, somebody will start a fun new "phase" to change things up for our learning and growth.

I genuinely believe though that when mom is mom alone much of the time that this whole concept of hanging in there is harder. It is harder to always be patient and kind when you never get a break and every shower ends with a neighbor bringing some escape artist kid to the front door. (Excuse me for having to take a pee!)

But when we are mom alone, we really need to hang in there. Our family depends on us, maybe more than ever. I love the imagery in this description:

" ...marriage is like climbing a mountain. You tie yourself to an eternal companion, and you start up the mountain. As children come along, you tie into them as well and continue your journey. The ropes will hold all of the mountain climbers together, but the wind, rain, snow, and ice—challenges of the world—will tear at you to pull you off that mountain.

If Mom or Dad gives up and cuts the rope that binds them to each other and their children, chances are that one or the other may fall off the mountain and perhaps pull down other family members with them. The whole family could fall off that mountain and not reach the eternal summit. We can’t take that chance. Let us always be mindful that as members of a family, we are tied to a mountain team...

A popular proverb says, “Thee lift me and I’ll lift thee, and we will ascend together.”"

Robert D Hales

Staying hopeful, joyful, and lifting each other- not just in our relationships with our family but together as women, is so important in doing the amazing job of mothering. This is one of the reasons why I go on and on about the importance of women simply being nice to each other. Many of us just need each others support.

Good luck to all of you who through work, divorce, death or life circumstances find yourselves alone as you mother. May you never feel alone and may we lift one another.

(The quotes were pulled from this source.)

Natural Hospital Birth!

Love this one- great details, emotions, feelings- and an inspirational and positive hospital birth.
Enjoy!

Weeks Pregnant: 41w1d
Weight: 8lbs 13oz

Height: 20.5 in

I felt like I had been waiting forever for something (anything!) to happen, so I was really excited when I saw my mucus plug at 5pm on Sun. April 3^rd. I ran and told Leif (DH) who said that we should call our doula, Holly. She advised that I eat a good meal and get lots of rest. We decided to go out and went to our favorite Italian restaurant for our “last supper.” I started experiencing a few cramps that were about 10 minutes apart but weren’t really noticeable. After stopping for some not-so-healthy ice cream we went home and DH went to bed. I stayed up all night because my body was still on night shift time. I watched movies, bounced on my birth ball, worked on a puzzle so that I could get some time on all fours, listened to some hypnobabies tracks, napped on the couch, and got really excited. As I timed my contractions they were anywhere from 12 to 6 minutes apart and lasted about 60 seconds. The whole time I kept telling my baby that she couldn’t come out until after 9am when her dad would be done with his scheduled job interview. (He had been laid off from his job on our due date. Drama!) I finally went to bed around 6am where I slept lightly until about 10am. I then called my mom to tell her that the baby was on the way but it would probably be a while.

Leif and I then just relaxed around the house and watched TV. My contractions at this point were 5 to 6 minutes apart and were becoming stronger. I tried using the hypnobabies finger-drop technique, but I found it more annoying than helpful. It wasn’t the painless experience I was expecting, so listening to the tracks just ticked me off. Instead I just tried to relax my body as much as possible. I focused on counting up to 10 with each contraction and that’s how I got through: breathing, relaxing, and counting. Around 2pm I decided to take a shower since a lot of the women in birth stories I had read liked the shower. My waves picked up to about 4 min apart and as I stepped out one came on really strong that made me bend over and stop. Leif saw this thought it was time. He looked at the sheet our midwives had given us to see what to do and it said that we should probably go to the hospital. I said to call Holly and she decided to come over. When she walked in I felt really weird. I didn’t want people making a big fuss over me and having Holly there made it seem a little too real. She watched me during a contraction and said that I wasn’t there yet. She was right and she went home for dinner. I ate some food and laid down with my deepening track (super relaxing) for a nap. When I woke up things were a little more difficult so we called Holly and she came over again. She suggested that we go for a walk so I put on my coat and headed outside. We walked SUPER slowly and with each contraction I would lean on a tree or light post or Holly to breathe, relax, and count through them. I even threw in some low moaning just to mix it up. At this point it had been about 26 hours and I was starting to feel like she was never going to come out.

When we got back from the walk I was still holding strong at about 3 min apart lasting a minute or so. Holly then suggested that Leif and I have a little romp in the bedroom. Oh my. We said we’d try it so we sent her off to Caribou Coffee and went to get busy. Needless to say, I wasn’t really in the mood, but having some snuggle time was really nice. This is also when I decided that I wanted to go to the hospital. I just wanted to be where I was going to be and I was sick of my apartment. So we all started on the 30min drive to our chosen hospital, passing by the one we live across the street from and 6 others that didn’t make the cut along the way. The car ride was actually really great, oddly. I started really focusing on the positive. During each contraction I would say out loud, “This is goooood. It’s a blesssssing.” I reminded myself that each wave was bringing my baby to me and that they were a gift from God. I started to be really thankful and that made it 1000times better. When we got to the hospital they brought me to my room and strapped me to some machines for 30 min. Then I found out that they were going to come monitor me during a contraction every 15 min, which really disappointed me that it had to be so often. Then I had a dance party. I danced around to Prince, Michael Jackson, and a bunch of random Christian pop artists. When my midwife checked me I told her not to tell me a number, just to say if I could go in the tub or not. (You had to be at least 5cm to get in the birth tub.) She said I couldn’t, so I got in the shower to see if that would speed things up again. It was AMAZING. I loved the shower. I moved my hips, basked in the warmth, and best of all everyone left me alone. I learned later that they wanted to come monitor(bug) me but had some equipment issues. When I got out I sat on a birth ball and leaned over the end of the bed which was really nice. Leif and Holly kept rubbing my back, bringing me juice and snacks and helping me relax. We also took a walk through the hospital at some point. My midwife then checked me again and said I was ready for the tub. It was warm, but didn’t do that much to make it easier or less painful. I also had issues getting comfortable in it. All I really wanted was to go home and pretend the whole thing had never happened. It hurt and I was tired. This is also where things get a little fuzzy. (Transition?) I know I was in the water for a while and very ready to be done. I was still talking and joking, but it was not easy. Once, my midwife bent down to my eye level to fill in when Holly had to step away and I looked right into her eyes and said “I can’t do this anymore!” I had been thinking that for hours but I waited to say it until Holly was gone. For some reason I didn’t want her to think I was a wimp! Haha.

My midwife then checked me again and said that I was good to push whenever I wanted. I tried pushing a few times and it seemed to feel good so I kept going. I tried all sorts of positions in the tub but nothing much seemed to be happening. After a while Holly, my nurse, and my midwife started trying to coach me on how to push. They kept saying “Push DOWN!” “Push like you have to poop!” “Focus all your energy DOWN!” This made me really frustrated because I was trying, but really had no idea what the heck they were talking about. Poor Leif kept having this worried look on his face and telling me I was doing a great job, though I absolutely didn’t believe him. My midwife then checked to see if my water had broken and suggested that we break it manually to help things along. She then used this little hook thing to try and break it. We couldn’t really tell if it had worked though because I was already in water. After a few more pushes, Holly suggested I try sitting on the toilet. “Your body knows what to do on the toilet.” She said. I was open to anything so I hoisted my large body out of the tub and hobbled over to the porcelain throne. Here my pushes got a lot stronger. The bathroom was full of people with Holly behind me, Leif in front of me with water, and my nurse and midwife watching, all giving encouragement. I was pretty crabby and yelled at Leif a few times. The best part came when during one big hard push my water (that we thought had already broken) exploded in a 360 degree radius and got all over Leif’s pants, feet, everything. Part of me felt bad but most of me was laughing on the inside that I’d managed to nail him with amniotic fluid. After another while of pushing I decided to move to the bed so I could lie down between pushes. I laid on my side. Holly was on my left holding my leg up and Leif was on my right. With each push I would hold Leif’s hand and curl into him and push as hard as I could. I never felt that magical urge to push. Each push was a decision to keep going, to not give up. The whole time I never believed that she would actually come out. Everyone had been saying, “You’re so close!” for hours. A few times my midwife even said that she must be almost crowning, would check, and then look a little disappointed. I knew it would never happen and kept pushing anyway.

But then it did happen. Suddenly in the other-worldly haze of pushing I felt this burning down below. People started yelling “she’s crowning!” and I kept pushing. At one point Holly told me to reach down and feel my baby. I did and her head felt small and freakishly pointy. I thought that she must be a very small baby. I kept pushing and it kept burning. I heard a few people saying “There’s that arm!” I saw my midwife putting on a full protective suit and I was shocked to think that this could actually be happening. Holly reminded me to feel my baby again and this time I felt a whole big head! “Holy cow!” I said. With a push or two more my baby slid out and this flying purple creature landed on my tummy. She was really purple, slippery, wet, and huge. That first feel had made me imagine a little miniature baby and I could not believe that this whole big baby had just come out of me. I kept trying to pull her up closer but the cord was too short. Lol. I rubbed her back and just was in shock that she had actually come out. Her face was all swollen but she looked straight at me with her amazing dark blue eyes. It was such an amazing moment. She was MY baby. I did it!

Back in the real world, I had been bleeding a lot so the midwife asked if she could give me a shot of Pitocin (not routine) which I said was OK. My placenta came out really easily and the nurses pushed on my belly. I had a second degree tear because she was born with her whole arm in front of her face with her elbow leading the way by her nose. I got a shot for the pain of the stitches. That didn’t work so I felt all the stitches being sewn into me while everyone yelled at me to just focus on my baby. Honestly! I did focus on her though and she was perfect. She started breastfeeding right away and stayed latched to me for the next two hours. Both of us were covered in blood and guts and (yes) poo. She pooped on me first thing when she was born and no one noticed to wipe it off. After those 2 hours I said it was time for a bath and I gave my daughter her first bath with both of us in the tub. We finally got settled just in time for my family to burst down the door with worry since I had never updated them since the day before. Whoops.

Claire Elizabeth was born at 5:48am on Tues. April 5 weighing 8lbs 13oz and 20.5 in long. I was in labor for 36 hours and pushed for 3 hours. It was a wonderful birth experience. It was 10000x times harder than I had ever imagined and I really believed that she wasn’t going to come out, but she did. I never considered drugs, just wanted to go home and be in denial. It really hurt, but I’m glad I went without medications. I faced the impassable mountain and did it. Claire is so healthy and I brought her into the world with my own power. It was awesome.