Birth, With a Little Help From Dad

Another great birth story!  There is a light out there ladies!  I love how wonderful and helpful dad is in this story.  Those guys are important aren't they?
Enjoy!

I went into labor 4 days before my due date. I started losing my plug and having mild contractions at about 9 p.m. I called my midwives to let them know, and they encouraged me to rest and relax as much as possible. My contractions were still about 10-15 minutes apart, and my husband and I spent the night relaxing at home.

The next day I labored at home, contractions still ranging from 7-12 minutes apart. I took a hot shower, played with my dogs, and spent time on my hands and knees when a contraction got intense. By the evening hours my contractions had started to pick up in intensity. I spent a great deal of time on my hands and knees or standing and rocking side to side.

Our house was quiet and calm, and I appreciated being able to labor in my own way. By 4 a.m. my contractions were consistently about 5-7 minutes apart and difficult to talk through. We called our midwives and met them at the birthing center. They had a beautiful little room all ready for me, with a hot tub already drawn and the lights dimmed. My husband and I spent the next few hours laboring quietly in our little room. We cat napped, held each other, laughed about how the Celtic music made me feel like Braveheart :)

The midwives gave us long stretches of privacy, and when they entered the room to check on us they were so kind and respectful. I labored in the tub (which was absolutely amazing) and on my hands and knees. At about 10 a.m. I was fully dilated and effaced, and I decided to have them break my water. Shortly after I starting having the urge to push. I had a moment of doubting my ability to push Dylan out, and the midwives reminded me "of course you can!"

My husband helped the midwives deliver my son, and watching the absolute awe on his face and tears streaming down his cheeks as he beamed and told me all about the hair on his little head as he was crowning was amazing. My husband helped birth our son Dylan, and then laid him on my belly. We laughed and cried, and the midwives put a warm towel over us and let us bond. It was the most beautiful, intense, intimate moment of my life.

I am so grateful that I got to experience bringing my son into the world in a peaceful, respectful environment... and the women at Matsu Midwifery are among my favorite people for this very reason :)  I cannot wait for the experience of giving birth again, and I am absolutely planning a home birth for our next addition!

Preparing For Your Childbirth Class- Part 7, Birth Plans

(Note, this is part of an ongoing series on the blog to prepare students who are taking my childbirth classes.  This does not replace taking the class, but is simply extra info to help as you go along.)

Class 7-

One of the big things we cover class 7 is birth plans.  Birth plans are becoming so popular these days that I am starting to see students whose hospital gives them a birth plan to fill out and check off.  (This is also kind of disturbing, but that is another post).

One of the most important things to recognize about a birth plan though is that just because you write it down, does not mean it will happen.

One reason for this is that birth is just something you can not control.  Recognizing that is important.

The other reason you need to know that a birth plan is not just some piece of magic, is because sometimes moms have too much confidence in them.  Instead of actually asking their care provider tough questions, and then making changes (in hospitals, birth place, or care providers) they just want to believe that it will happen because it is in the plan.

A birth plan is not a guarantee.  It is also not just something you do and set aside.  It is the beginning of a conversation.  It forces you to walk into an appointment with things to talk about.  Then you have to talk about them!  Yes, you actually have to talk to, ask questions, and get good clear answers from your care provider.  And then you need to find a new one if they don't do that.

(By the way, dig for answers.  If you ask a doc what is episiotomy/ c-section rate is and his answer is, "Oh, I only do them when I need to," do not just let that go.  Your next question is, "How often do you think that is?"  If his answer is, "Oh, I am really not sure,"  then keep asking.  Do not be falsely comforted.  You will regret it later even though it is uncomfortable now.)

First, keep it to one page.  Second, imagine your perfect birth (really take time to talk this through with your partner).  Then pick the things that are most important to you about that birth and write them down.  Then take it in and ask questions.

Here is a sample birth plan, but make one that is your own.


We are so excited to be sharing our journey into parenthood with you!  We have chosen to have our baby with you and your staff because we know you respect the process and strive for both a good experience and a healthy mom and baby.  
Here are a few things that are especially important to us about this birth.  We have studied extensively to learn and have worked hard to stay low risk and healthy so that this plan can become a reality.  


For  Labor
-Freedom of movement for mom-
-Intermittent Doppler monitoring only, no continuous monitoring-
-Please don't offer medications for pain relief-
-Please do not refer to the birth process as painful-


For Birth
-Freedom of position for pushing-
-Natural delivery of the baby (no pulling or tugging)-
-Allow mother to naturally tear if needed, no episiotomy-
-Ample time for second stage if all are well-


For Immediate Postpartum-
-Baby to mother immediately-
-Baby to breastfeed immediately-
-Naturally delivery of the placenta (please no drugs or tugging to speed up the process)-
-Mama would like to have Daddy cut the cord, but only after the placenta has delivered-
-All tests done in the room-

Postpartum
-No shots or surgeries on baby, we will handle those with our pediatrician-
-Baby is to be breastfed only-
-No pacifiers offered-
-Baby to stay in the room with mother-

Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness.  We recognize that sometimes things occur that may change this plan.  Please allow us as a couple the time to confer and deal with any changes privately before action is taken.  We look forward to our babies birth! 

Mama Wisdom

One of the saddest things right now in our culture is that mother wisdom has not been passed down, especially about things concerning birthing and feeding our babies.  It extends on to parenting.  I love learning from other women, especially women who have raised their children into good, loving, adults.  Here are my favorite treasures of wisdom.


"Your children still want to do things with you."

My son's Waldorf Kindergarten teacher told me this a few months ago.  I mentioned how hard it was to get my son to get ready in the morning.  I would tell him to get dressed and eat breakfast, and then jump in the shower and get myself ready.  I would invariably come out to a kid still sitting around in his jammies playing with a stick or something.  Then there would be requisite frustration as I struggled to get us all out of the door on time.

Then his teacher just said this, "They want to do things with you.  Try getting dressed with them, there will be less resistance."

This has changed my life.  I am just so grateful to her for telling me this.  Instead of fighting and wondering why the kid "Just won't listen!" I just started inviting the children to do with me what I was doing. 

Guess what, they were so excited! 

It actually made me sad when I realized how much they had just been wanting to be with me (because they are still very young) and I had been pushing them away to do things alone.  I recognize when they are babies that they need closeness but as my children get older and more independent I had just assumed that since they could do it alone, they should.  But there is so much more joy in my life by following this simple advice. 

Now they help me prepare meals, clean, and all sorts of things.  I love the change this has created in my home.  Not only are they happier, but things get done faster because I am not constantly fielding their bickering, and I get a helping hand.  Plus, they are learning to do things and they enjoy their time with me. 


"Children do not get good self-esteem by being told how great they are, they get it from working."

This one is from my mom.  Maybe I partly like it because I hate verbal compliments, but it has shaped my parenting.  I love watching my kids figure things out and do things themselves.  I love to see them struggle to accomplish a task, and then see their satisfaction when they do it.  They feel a great sense of accomplishment when they do this and it builds their confidence in themselves. 

I am not a perfect parent, and sometimes I yell or am short with the kids.  It reassures me though that my children's self-esteem will not be damaged beyond repair because of my screw ups like this.  I sincerely believe that they will be (and are) confident people because they know that they can do things on their own, because I let them.

This means I let them fall down, get frustrated, and even sometimes some bumps and bruises.  I think it is so worth it though to have children that know they are worth something.

I see so often parents doing everything for their kids, not wanting to ever let them get hurt or be uncomfortable.  Then they wonder why the child has no faith in themselves and is timid and scared of life in general.  That is a tragedy.  I have also seen some of these people as adults.  Despite the fact that mom always told them how great they were, because she never let them actually BE great, they never believed it.  You can't have high self-esteem if you don't know how to get things done. 


"Your children turn out despite you, not because of you."
 
I have a wonderful friend who is a fantastic mother.  I have also had the opportunity to meet her mother (who raised six fantastic adults) and is somebody I admire because I know what great people she has mothered. 

I was at her home one day and said something about how I was messing up my son with all my mistakes.  Her reply was this, "Your children turn out despite you, not because of you."

This is so strangely comforting to me.  First, it means that I will make mistakes and they will be fine anyway.  Yes, they may have some "issues" but they will turn out.  Second, it reminds me that I am not as in charge as I like to think I am.  Even when they do turn out to be decent people, it will not be because I was such a great person and perfect mother.  It will be because of a lot of factors, many of which I can't possibly "take credit" for. 

Well, that's it folks.  Just a little note, all of these words of wisdom came from women who were done raising their children.  I am glad to have mothers around who are also raising young children to talk with and even commiserate with.  But I am doubly glad to have wise older women around who can see the end from the beginning. 

A Fearless Home Birth- Just Mom, Invisible Midwife, and Daughter

I love this birth story- OK, well I love most birth stories.  What is special about this one to me though is that the mom seems fearless and her birth is fast and beautiful.  This birth highlights for me how important it is that we are without reservations and are comfortable with who is at our birth when we go into labor and birth our babies.  Home birth has an amazing ability to be so personal and private.  


Enjoy!
(PS, I left at the end the mothers comment when she sent me this story so you too will be inspired to send me yours!  It is great and therapeutic to write these down.) 

I have a sweet home birth story for you that was positive in many ways. I didn't have a doula, and this was before I became a doula.  I never questioned whether or not I could successfully birth a baby at home, so, was not doubtful or worried about any possible complications that could require a transfer.   And I think for me, the bottom line was that I just wanted to be left alone to labor and birth however I needed to.  I had not yet begun to educate myself about the psychological or spiritual aspects of birth, so wasn't even thinking of it in terms of empowering myself.

-Was my second birth, first to be planned at home.  One week before my EDD, I began noticing 'real' contractions early in the morning, around 5-ish.  Husband left for the day by 6am, (he knew I was contracting) while contractions were still mild.  With just my 5 year old at home with me, I called my mom to give her a heads up that I may need her to come sometime that day. By 8am, I began phone calls with my midwife. 

-We went about our morning pretty normally, though I knew before too long, that this was indeed labor.  Much like my first, the early part of labor was very inconsistent and mostly mild, which made it easy to misinterpret my progress.

-By about 9am, I was asking my midwife to make her way to my house, knowing it would be at least an hour before she could get there...

-While I was putting all of the plastic linings on my bed upstairs, I realized that I really didn't want to 'deal' with my 5 year old anymore.  I was having to stop during contractions, and most of her normal chatty behavior was becoming irritating.  I believe this was about 9:30...called my mom.  All I said was, "Can you come now?".  Without hesitation she said, "Yes.  I'm coming."  This was so nice for me to know at the time.  Until then, I hadn't been at all bothered by being home alone with my 5 year old.  But now, I was ready for someone else to come.

(Husband should have been called by now, but the truth is that I didn't even think of it at the time.  I didn't realize how quickly I was progressing, and as I look back on it, he wasn't someone I trusted, so it's likely better that he wasn't present while I labored. At some point, I did call his cell, but got his voice mail and left a message.  By the time I remembered to try him again, baby was only 15 minutes away from being born...)

-My mom arrived a little after 10am.  This was great, and allowed me to really go into 'laborland' and from that point on, I have no idea what my 5 year old was doing.  She took care of my child, and I was allowed to wander around wherever and however I wanted.

-I spent a lot of time leaning on the kitchen counter, as I recall.  At 10:30, when my wonderful midwife arrived, this is where I was.  I remember her coming to me with a sweet smile and she asked, " How are you feeling?"  All I said was, "Grumpy."

-She came back a little while later with her hand held Doppler.  While she was listening to baby, I started feeling really nauseous.  Scooting into the bathroom, I parked, standing at the sink and that sink became my 'spot' for the duration.  For whatever reason, I felt very safe there, holding on to the sides of that pretty pedal sink bowl.  I hung on to it during those last, most intense contractions, bending, leaning, and squatting when necessary.

-My mom and my midwife were close by, but not visible to me.  I knew they were in the next room, getting things ready.  At one point, I felt the need to pee.  I must have said this out loud, because all of a sudden there was my beautiful midwife, with a 'blue pad', laying it at my feet and telling me to 'just pee on this if you have to.'  Sounds strange, I know, but those were very nice words to hear in that moment.

-The one time this labor brought me to my knees was the contraction that followed.  And as soon as it was decreasing, my water broke.  Big splash, all over the 'blue pad'.

-I do remember thinking audibly to myself, "Oh boy, here we go..." I knew this would mean baby comes next.

-Standing back up, the next contraction came and my babe was coming down.

-After this one contraction, babe was crowning.  My midwife asked me if I wanted to go to the couch, but I told her I couldn't.  I was still standing at my sink, so she got down on the floor underneath me, and prepared to catch my baby. 

-Second contraction post ROM, babe's head is born.  I remember my midwife referring to him then as 'between worlds', while she cleared some of the fluids from his face.

-Third contraction, babe is born and in an instant, I'm holding him.  Squishy like a soft sponge.  It was such a sweet moment.  In the quiet little corner of my house, just me and this new little creature.

Respectfully witnessed by my caring midwife, loving mother, and very excited daughter. 

I got exactly what I had wanted.  I was left alone to labor in my own time and space, while being watched over at the same time.  And only now, after having become a doula myself, do I understand that it's exactly what my babe and I both needed.

 He was born just before 11am.  So, about a 1/2 hour after my midwife arrived at my house.

Thanks for collecting the stories.  It's good to share them, and strangely therapeutic to write them down...

Birth Story- A Proud VBAC Mama

I have lots of birth stories right now so instead of an interview I wanted to share one.  There is always something special about a successful  VBAC (Vaginal Birth After C-section) especially when they are so hard to come by these days.  One thing I love about this birth story is that the mom is supported by her midwives and her partner and it helps her get the birth she wants.  Our birth team and their support is so important as we make our birth choices.  

Enjoy!

I would like to share my birth story about my second son.

With my first son, Jake, I had an 'elective' Caeser and I was quite devastated, I never even went in to labour. My first son was breech and 4.6kgs (10.14 pounds) so I had no choice really.

I always knew that any other children I had would be a VBAC, so when I fell pregnant with my second son I armed myself with information and went through a VBAC clinic.

I went into labour the afternoon before my due date, as I lay in bed having gentle contractions every 20 mins, I was so excited about what lay ahead! They gradually became closer together and by 9pm they were 5 - 7mins apart. I just went into a zone and looking back it is something that I did quite naturally and barely even acknowledged my husband (who was with me the whole time). By 11pm they were nearly 2 minutes apart and we left for the hospital, which was about 15 mins away.

The midwives (angels!) took me straight to the birth suite and I continued to labour. I paced and breathed through the contractions, I just had to keep moving, in between them I stood up against the bed and just tried to relax. Sometime around 1.30am, the midwives asked me if I wanted pain relief, epidural. Another contraction came and I never got around to answering them and they never asked again. I just didnt feel like I needed it, I was coping, it hurt A LOT but I was coping.

I started to push at around 3, maybe 3.30am and as this was a VBAC an OB had to be around to check on me. After I had been pushing for about an hour and coping quite well with the support from the midwives and my husband, the OB came in again and announced that I had been pushing for too long and I would need another caeser as this was going to be another big baby. I was in the 'do whatever you want' frame of mind by now, but my husband knew just how badly I wanted a succesful VBAC as did the midwives and they spoke up on my behalf. The midwives got another 1/2 hour out of her! They were so fantastic!

My healthy, big (4.2kgs) son, Noah, was born not 15 mins later, completely unmedicated to an extremely happy and proud mum!!!!

I just kept saying 'I did it! I did it!!' and the midwives just kept saying "You sure did sweetie!!!!!"

Apart from a little gas as they stitched me up (I had an episiotomy and some tearing), that was it. It was so great to be able to get up and have a shower and not have a catheter or fluids or anything else, just me and my son :)

I am now pregnant with my third (son !) and will be looking forward to the same experience again.

Tell me what you think!

I am doing a little informal question about medication in labor.  I want all kinds or responses, though I realize that most of our readers are probably pro-natural.  

I hear a lot of mom's that hated the epidural or felt like they were still in pain, or that it caused problems in their labor.  

So this week we have a little vote you can take on the blog.  Let us know about medication in your labor.  Love it, hate it, whatever, I want to know.  Share with your friends so we can get lots of different opinions.  

Also- if you have more to add, go ahead and make a comment on this post-

Thanks!  

A Pure Birth

I love this birth story.  I love the way that this mama writes and how she talks about the emotions she experiences in the last few days of pregnancy.  She describes so beautifully and succinctly the feelings of birth.  It made me re experience my own.  Thanks so much for sharing this mama!


Enjoy!

Thursday, Feb 4, 2010  1:37pm
T+12 days

I didn't get much sleep last night. Woke up early to get to the acupuncturist, and couldn't really breathe. A shower helped a little.

It was a profound experience, actually. Like I guessed, as soon as anything went near my lower back,I burst out into tears. She could feel and perceive my being on the edge, being overwhelmed. She could see everything I was trying to say but on a body level. It's funny how you think you can smile things away but they're always there, under your skin. And when I started talking about stuff I was crying too. When the needles were in me my thoughts went back to before the babies,all the babies,to my brother and that trauma. Holding it together for my family. Being close to death myself, but hanging on so tight and talking incessantly... the unbearable tension in my family when Andreas was depressed and being a dick. The "holding it all together" feeling, the desire to be weak and simply loved, not worried over, not lectured, just trusted and loved in my weakness, to be allowed to simply float through the water of destiny, of motion, and let it all take me. This is what I wanted, what I needed to find, and began to find it with some carefully placed needles. Weird.

Came home with an uncommonly clear head, like everything was new. Still sick, but calm. Came home, fed the kids, went to bed. Peter peed his pants, my 8 year old first born, and Gabriel was screaming a guttural, no-holds-barred scream while playing some game. It was a play scream and it was NOT OK with me. I looked at him at lunch and he had a rash everywhere, all over his body. It's gone down a little now, it's so weird. Some kind of allergy? A virus? I'm not sure what to make of it. For awhile I'm keeping him in the spare room upstairs. All this,NOW!! Why now? I don't know if Gabriel is contagious or not. I want him to see a doctor, so I'll take him, or Ben will take him when he gets home. Despite Ben's reluctance to see a doctor, I'd like to know what the hell it is. Gabriel is itchy and red everywhere in blotches and he pooped on the floor last night. His appetite is gone and he's more absentminded than usual. Can you imagine that.

Now that I'm up I feel terrible again, I'm going to lay down once more. Can't do anything but sleep. Don't know how to manage the kids. They're outside right now, even the sick one.

Friday,Feb 5, 2010, 3:11am
T+13 days

I slept for six hours. Like I'd never slept before. It was a painless, deep sleep, and somewhere along the line, I lost my sinus cold. I woke around 6pm, Ben came home from work minutes later. The kids had been on their laptops all day. They've discovered the world of chat. At 8 years old. Caused me a little concern. We talked. Gabriel's rash thing went away.

 But I was so centered and still. So rested.

So since about 2am I've been feeling new contractions. They're impossible to ignore. I've timed them to about every 5 minutes or so, and they last 20-30 seconds each. They're slung down through my ... that was one. Down through the bottom of my belly, through my groin, ending around my ass. Sort of mild lower back but not really. Should I call Barbara? Yes, they're real. Not BH. Not hunter-gatherers. *  

* "hunter-gatherers"  I wondered why I have to call Braxton-Hicks contractions that name, named after men who "discovered" them. Can't begin to adequately mock the idea that a couple of male scientists discovered them 100 years ago. So Ben and I call them "hunter-gatherer contractions".

***My Birth Story. ***

I went back to bed after that last entry and tried to relax. They were steady but not regular. I had to breathe through them, but sometimes they'd come at 15 minutes, sometimes 9, and then back again. I stayed awake the whole night, and called Barb around 5am. She called back around 6 and I told her they were the real McCoy, but still pretty casual. She said she'd wait for my next call. At six, I decided to get back to bed and sleep, I even remember thinking that maybe I could turn them INTO BH contractions if I relaxed and just forgot about it. This is maybe my dad coming out. When I got engaged, I called him while he was working in Warsaw, it was about 3am and he was very asleep. When I told him, he said "it's OK, Naki, just relax. There's no engagement. Just go back to sleep."  When my mom told him it was time for me to be born it was the same thing... he said "it's OK. Just go back to sleep. There's no baby."

Well, going to sleep must have done something. Between 6 and 7:20, I only had about 5 contractions. They were strong though, and required all my breathing and presence, and woke me up out of rather deep sleep. I remember being so aware that they were stretching over a head. I also remember telling myself what they were. IMagining the ligaments, the rarely-used muscles, the bones holding me together. IMagining

(I wish I hadn't waited 3 months to finish this story, but I will write everything I remember now)

I was receiving texts while I ate breakfast from Monika who wanted to snatch one last belly cast from me. I told her that I thought if she could do it in 10 minutes between contractions, she was more than welcome to try. As far as I was concerned, the contractions would remain relatively far apart for quite some time, since the pace was so slow and regular and easy. Monika texted me that she would bring Michelle for an extra pair of hands right away. At the time, I was convinced this would be a purely social thing, that labour hadn't really REALLY started, that the baby was still aways off. In retrospect, I wish I would have summoned the rest of the gang (Tony wanted so badly to be there but I didn't want an audience for hours), because things moved so quickly from this time on.

I went upstairs and mopped the bathroom floor and cleaned the toilet, making things more or less ready in case anything happened in the bathroom. Ben was ghosting around and I announced the bathroom was ready with a smile. Then I went into the bedroom. I asked Ben to bring the ottoman,so I could sit on it and lean forward against the edge of the bed. He also asked if we should fill the pool.Again, in retrospect, of course the pool should have been filled... but I was still so casual about the whole thing that I thought bothering with filling it now would be a waste of energy. Plus I felt like I needed him around, not busy doing stuff.

When Monika got to the house, I heard the door downstairs open while I was face down in my blankets breathing through a contraction. It was a mild set still, and when she came upstairs, it was like she was a spring breeze. She was wearing comfy pyjama type clothes, and had some things with her. She brought a little bouquet of pink tulips and set them in a cup on my dresser. She lit a tea light. Then she brought out her oils. I remember her saying hi, and I said hi back. I conversed little, I felt like I should get up and be a hostess, and that I was being silly sitting here in one spot with Monika puttering around in my room. Another contraction reminded me that I was doing my job just fine. Monika had four little blue spray bottles with essential oils designed for each of the stages in labour. She let me smell them and choose which one I felt most keenly about at the time. Her hands were cold. I coached her through pressing down on my shoulders, and pushing my lower back. Her touch at first was light and cool, and I needed hot and heavy.Michelle came in at some point later, made herself breakfast in the kitchen downstairs and was quietly present. I'll have to ask her again what her experience was. She took photos and was just "around", but I'm not remembering much detail.

I remember sitting on the ottoman and now the contractions were very big. I could feel the baby banging hard with its feet under my ribs, head at my cervix. I could feel it everywhere, and I could feel the contractions working like a machine. I was now at the end of my ability to smile and joke and just surrendered. It was like a little tragedy. Ben was there in the room and I reached my arms up and he stood in front of me with his arms rounded in a supportive frame. I just filled in his frame with mine and the tears came as a contraction rolled through me. I wept sort of helplessly, nothing to say or do. He whispered good things, that everything was good, that I was doing a good job, that he loved me. The light was white and gentle in the room and my face was turned up with tears on it and we were just together. After the contraction subsided, he went to start filling the pool.

I got on the phone around 11:15am and called Barb. I got her machine and mentioned that I was started to make noises now and things were really moving. At this point now, the only thing I could be responsible for was existing. At 11:30 I told Ben to call again and make sure they were on their way. He got a hold of Barb and she said Tehlia would be first, and she would be there soon after. I moved the ottoman away, or someone did, and I got on my knees. Being seated was starting to ache. Soon I felt like I had to pee, and thought it would be a good idea to have something waterproof under me. Just in case. Through all of this, Monika can continued to push my my back or shoulders through contractions. I remember having a light conversation when quite suddenly the contractions were one on top of the other and I couldn't talk anymore. I remember noticing a slight pushy feeling and quietly remarked on it. I don't think anyone heard me. When I felt again like I had to pee, I asked for help to get up, so I had Monika and Michelle heave me up, and as soon as I was on my feet I felt massive pressure, like a planet dropping down through me, and all I could say was "no," and drop to my knees. I thought, if I have to pee, I'll just have to do it here. The next contraction came fast, I was still wearing my dress and and panties, and felt that I'd just pee now, just let it happen to release some pressure. As soon as I released a little, that huge unavoidable push feeling happened, i grunted a sexual noise and CHUNK, my water broke. It felt like when you bite into a freshly cooked German sausage and the skin just cracks and bursts. It went everywhere. I said into the blankets, low and quiet, "that was my water"... I felt the hot liquid everywhere under me. I was astonished this was NOW. No one told me what was coming, no one gave me a timeline. It was just now. No one heard me say my water broke, and no one saw it, my dress was still covering me, and I was in the zone. I felt the baby's head right there. halfway through me. I knew it was there, and no one else did. Even though Tony wasn't there, and I was keenly aware of it, I knew there was nothing I could do about it and thought to myself "I'll just do this now."  The next contraction came fast and I yelled to everyone to get my underwear down now!!! They scrambled as I was pushing, got them down to my knees and the baby's head was suddenly there. I pushed it out, I felt it emerge, Ben was there supporting my tissues. I paused and just absorbed the fact that the baby's head was just there, in the light. I asked if the water was clear and Ben said it was a little pink but clear. The next contraction came and with a mighty roar into the blankets (that no one remembers me making), I birthed that body into the world. I panted and breathed and smiled. It was 12 noon. Ben held the baby and I sat back on my knees. I looked back to see the baby and analyzed this wet thing, this long wet thing. Dark hair, lots of it. stretched out hands. Scrotum. A boy. Fourth boy. I took him, told him to breathe and cry and he crackled and let out a cry. I rubbed him, saw pink coming into him, placed my mouth over his face and sucked out his little nose. He cried again and I told him how good he was. Ben was right behind me drinking him in. The midwives weren't there, it was just me and Ben and the women. And this new creature. I was so awake, so alert. I was a little dazed, It happened so fast with nearly no work, and here I had this baby. So much hair! Al over his forehead, shoulders, bushy eyebrows, down his back, on his ears, sideburns, lanugo everywhere. Dark hair. Ruddy skin. I could head the pool still filling behind me.

I watched and helped this new boy. I didn't feel elation and love yet, it was so practical. I felt a little distanced from the whole thing. I felt like I was just me, that I'd just finished doing the laundry or something. And here was a new creature, just like that. We called the boys up to take a look and they came and said hi briefly. i remember hearing a little bit of disappointment that it was another boy, but that gave way to excitement. The kids were casual about the whole thing, and soon went downstairs to play more games.

Ben was leaning over me and soon my wild mom eyes took over. The hormones must have been doing their thing because I examined him like an animal, I leaned over him and placed my mouth over his mouth and nose again and sucked more goop out. He tasted and smelled perfect. I nursed him a little. His suck was so strong. He was beautiful.  At some point, Ben turned off the hose filling the birth pool. And then I heard laughter as the midwives arrived. They came up with smiles on their faces and we marvelled about the whole thing. I decided to climb into the pool to relax with my new baby. The water was sort of cool so Ben poured big pots of boiling water in. It felt great. Nate nursed, and the midwives puttered around. I felt mild waves of contractions as Nate nursed, but my placenta wasn't coming. After waiting awhile, my midwife suggested that it might be held up because I was sitting on it in the pool. She asked me to lift my bottom and pulled very gently on the cord. The placenta slid out beautifully and I felt relieved.

After going to the bathroom and cleaning up a little, baby and I climbed into bed and relaxed. Girlfriends were on the bed with me, kitty was purring, sniffing at baby and rolling on his towel, and midwives examined the placenta. Intact and perfect, it was cleaned and frozen, but not before my midwife made a cord bracelet, and cut off a piece of placenta. She cooked it gently and gave it to me to eat along with some other warm goodies on a plate, and some sliced oranges. It was heavenly as usual, and sent my head spinning with love juice. Even my girlfriend tried some and didn't mind it at all.

Our new son weighed 10lbs, 12oz and was born wise-looking and peaceful. There was a never a moment of hesitation or worry during his birth. He is happy and healthy, and so am I. There was no choice but to have him on my hands and knees in my room, and I'm forever delighted that I could do so peacefully and with strength, without a moment of pause in my mind. We are now a richly blessed and happy family of six.

The Natural Mama's Bucket List

Some things the natural mama must do before she kicks the bucket.

-Sleep with 5 people in a full sized bed.  (This sounds vaguely erotic but is decidedly not, because of course, three of them are your squirming children.)

-Get in an argument with somebody about circumcision, vaccines, or epidurals.

-Have at least one person de-friend you on Facebook because of an "offensive" natural birth post.

-Worry about fluoride.

- Get rid of your microwave.

-Have an inflatable tub set up in your family room.

-Sit on a toilet backwards (possibly for hours).

-Labor for X amount of minutes/hours/days, and instead of talking about it like it was horrible, rave about it being the best experience of your life. 

-Consider a yoga ball furniture.

-Purge your house of plastic cups.

-Spend at least a few minutes of your life buck naked and on all fours in front of people not your husband (again, not at all erotic). 

-Store a human organ in your freezer.  Consider eating it.  (If I have to explain this, you wouldn't understand).

-Encourage at least one tired mom (whom you have never met before) to continue breastfeeding.

-Wake up one morning to discover that you now find Dr Sears to be just a little too mainstream.

-Get excited when the neighbor kids get chicken pox.

-Get excited when you see your hubby wearing a baby in a sling...

-Try to hide your horror when you discover your kids have eaten conventional peanut butter. 

-Attempt to garden organically.

-Curse bugs everywhere when they eat everything before you can harvest it. 

-Seriously consider living off the grid.

-Discover you like your stretched out, stretch marked body way more than that firm cute one you once had, because this one can do anything (even push out babies)!

-Compete with the women in your natural birth class to see who can have the biggest baby. 

-Discover after church one day that your five year old has given his class a vivid description of the birth process.

-Witness your two year old demonstrating said process and afterwards, nursing her own toy baby. 

-Bite your tongue at least once when you learn that somebody is getting induced.  Then go home and rant to your husband about it. 

-Witness somebody nursing a 15 month old, think to yourself, "Weird, that kid is too big to nurse,"  Then realize a year later that you are still nursing your 18 month old. 

-When family visits and asks you for a Tylenol, look at them like they are nuts. 

-Get a headache.  Realize you must be subluxated.  Go see your Chiropractor. 

-Discover you can no longer enjoy a diet soda, the guilt is just too much to bear. 

-Know what ACOG stands for and get really angry when they are brought into a conversation. 

Valentina's Birth Story

Valentina’s Home Birth Story

Disclaimer: This is the story of my daughter’s home birth, one year ago today. Currently only 1% of US babies are born at home, but there is a notable upswing in this direction. This is as back-to-basics as it gets, my friends. We have gained such a respectable understanding for the birth process in our (now) three home births and truly appreciate the way normal birth progresses when it is undisturbed and allowed to unfold in it’s own time. There may be a point or two throughout the story that raises your eyebrows. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

I woke up on the morning of Sunday April 6th feeling some very wimpy contractions. I wouldn’t even call them contractions, really. More like barely noticeable dull twinges. I knew two things. My contractions may have been due to all of the preparation Frank & I had been doing the day before, moving things around, straightening and organizing but one thing was for sure. I don’t ever have preterm labor, or spotting, or false labor. When my body decides to do something, it’s full force the first time, so I was sure this was the real thing. I was 38 weeks pregnant – and I had the green light.

I walked over to where Frank was sleeping. He looked up at me. I smiled him a big “good morning”, and told him today was THE day. “The day for what?” he asked. “Uh, THE day” I repeated. “OH!” Suddenly he was paying attention, and demanded to know what was going on, and if I was in labor. I told him that surprisingly, not much was going on yet. I had lost some mucous plug and had a weak contraction here & there. And yes, I already called the midwife! Trouble was, she was not answering either her home or cell phone, which was slightly alarming.

(For those of you unaware, our previous midwife missed our last daughter’s birth. So did my husband. *my fault* I had a completely unsuspected 2.5 hour labor, so I gave birth to Francesca in my spacious shower, with two amazing doulas and my almost three year old son, who was of enormous support. He was well prepared!)

I was hoping Rebecca was at church and I was hoping Mennonite church services only last one hour. Our midwife, Rebecca, is Mennonite and brings a most calm & experienced presence when she walks through the door. It was an easy decision to place our third pregnancy & birth in her care. Rebecca’s fee includes our complete prenatal care through the pregnancy as well as the birth and 6 weeks of postpartum care for myself and the baby.

I then proceeded to alert the rest of my team about my impending birth. A phone list had been prepared along with a small shrine of trinkets and candles, well wishes and prayers set up on my bathroom counter top from my blessing way ceremony, only weeks before. The birth team included:

Holly: Bradley Method teacher, retired RN and mother of 4 (2 born at home)
Sam: International Board Certified Lactation Consultant, 17 year La Leche League leader, LPN and also mother of 4 (3 of which were HBAC’s – home births after cesarean).
Shayla: One of my best friends! (videographer for the day and pharmacist in real life, should the need arise for a dose of Sarcasma, our drug of choice)
My crew: Frank (babymaker and in charge of filling the labor pool and keeping the birth team happy) Christian (big brother and in charge of announcing the sex of the baby upon arrival – age 5.5) and Francesca (big sister-to-be – age 2.5).
Lisa (and 17 month old Truman): Kindly offering her mad photography skills so as to best capture the days events, with Truman, the little nursling in tow.

Do I have some cool friends, or what? I tell the birth team via phone to stay on stand-by. I’m not ready for anyone to come over at this point. Nothing worth mentioning is happening yet. Frank takes the kids out to eat, while I sit and email, vacuum, breathe in the day and relax. Still nothing. I finally get in touch with Rebecca, who insists on heading out to my house pronto, because of my speedy track record in labor (she lives 1.5 hours away).

After a while, the family returns and my birth team starts arriving. I’m feeling the slightest bit of performance anxiety at this point, as I make a mental note that two of my attendees have children to get home to bed that night, so this simply cannot take all day. I decide to take matters into my own hands and wonder which natural induction technique I can utilize at this very moment. Nipple stimulation? Perhaps. Sex? Completely inappropriate with so many bystanders. Blue Cohosh? Shoot – fresh out! I decide on the aforementioned nipple stim technique, that proves to be WAY more effective than Pitocin itself (not that I’d know – but 50 minutes from this point, the baby was OUT!).

I ask my recently weaned daughter if she’d like to nurse. She delights at the thought and takes me up on the offer. She seems so long in my lap, legs hanging over the rocker, and I nurse her to sleep, as Shayla works on the labor inducing reflex points on my ankles, down in the man cave (Frank’s designated hang out). While nursing Francesca, I have three WICKED contractions.

Woah! I wabble back upstairs after I hand her off to Frank and my instinct tells me to head to the toilet. More mucous plug, like the egg whites from 4 eggs on the toilet paper, tainted with blood. “Good stuff” says Holly in a reassuring tone. “That is a sign that your cervix is thinning”, she says. After a couple more Earth shaking contractions, I walk intently to the birth pool that Frank has been filling, bucket by bucket. It’s HOT, too hot for a baby to be born into, so Rebecca instructs him to go get some cold water now. Frank obediently dumps several cold buckets into the pool. As the cold water grazes my thigh on the way in, I’m completely sure Frank has no idea how uncomfortable that just felt, but I decide to let it go, since he’s been working his buns off for me.

Contractions seem to be spaced far apart and I rest my forehead on the side of the kiddie swimming pool, as Sam places cold wash cloths on my neck and forehead. Doulas are God’s gift to women, by the way. Husbands, no matter how wonderful, will never ever understand what a woman goes through as she gives birth. THIS is where a doula comes in. A doula is a birth professional, hired by the pregnant couple to carry out the intended birth plans, whatever they may be. Doulas rock, and have this innate gift to say the right things at the right times (emotional support) or to apply counter pressure on your hips or sacrum when you need it (non-medical physical support). Every woman deserves a doula and mine have been enormous blessings.

A few more contractions later, and I’m feeling the urge to push. I bare down, and Sam whispers a gentle reminder not to push too hard. We want to avoid any tearing, but the urge is too much and I bare down some more. I hear the shutter from Lisa’s camera snapping away. I hear some whispers from the birth team and I hear my daughter offering little Truman a toy. Everyone is quiet and so am I. I wait. The sun is pouring in the room. Another mean contraction and a mass of quick confusion, which I figured out later was Rebecca struggling over the edge of the tub to get a good reach on me and the baby’s head. The baby’s head was emerging but she was still too far away. I was on my hands & knees at this point. I hear Rebecca say “Get her out!”. Since we did not know the sex of the baby, I knew she meant ME, so I stood up, gave one more push and delivered our baby into Rebecca’s loving hands.

Rebecca turned the slimy new baby toward Christian, who announced “It’s a girl”, as if he already knew and my new baby was passed through my legs, as I sat back down in the water and held her for the first time. She let out a few cries to let us know she was okay, and I just sat and stared at her face. She was a good size, alert, with a full head of dark hair, and before I knew it, Rebecca stood over me to place a newborn hat on her head. Our new baby never left my arms.

At this point, the baby nursed for the first time and I remember being impressed at how quickly and efficiently she latched on. After a short while my doulas encouraged me to deliver her placenta. When the placenta had been delivered, and after her cord stopped pulsating, Christian cut her cord. We all gathered around the birth tub to talk for a while and observe baby ‘no name’. We chatted about what to name her and how the doulas almost missed the birth this time. Everything had fallen into place just perfectly. I passed the baby off at some point, and got out of the tub (now looking like Merlot) to take a shower.

Afterward, we spent some time getting to know our baby, as Rebecca completed her thorough newborn check and Shayla journaled the days events. We took some more pictures and slowly, the members of our birth team headed home one by one. We were left that night, as a family of five, with a new baby girl to raise and love.

Valentina - 38 weeks gestation
8lbs 5oz
20 3/4 inches
5:30pm

Daddy

I talk often of the role of mothers and how it is undervalued in our culture.  The recent Father's Day was a reminder that, though men and their monetary contributions are valued, we as a culture often don't value the other things they do as dads.  I noticed the other day how many kids I know who do not have a father in their lives.  They are not just missing out on the financial contributions, they are missing out on having a daddy.

And sometimes, even when dad is around, we do not know how to include him in all that tiny baby bonding.  I had a student recently ask me how her husband would be able to bond with the baby when it was brand new if he did not take over some of the feedings.  She recognized how special feeding a baby is, and did not want dad to miss out on that bonding time.  However, breastfeeding is something mom's do not need to interrupt just so dad can love his baby.  


Daddy makes a great pillow.  
He has not milk and no boobies.  Because he does not have these things a tiny baby can snuggle up on that  soft hairy chest and just relax without searching around for a nipple.  It gives mom a little break and snuggle time with dad.  (I know my hubby always appreciates a chance to nap without me nagging him about it.)


Daddy makes a great bouncy chair.
Daddy holds a baby differently than mommy.  Mom is soft and gentle.  She pats and coos.  She rocks the baby and nurses it to sleep.  Sometimes mom's are so gentle they have a hard time watching dad hold the baby with his big tough hands.  But- if I sit back and relax, I realize that babies love to be held by daddy.  They love to be patted (pretty hard in fact) by those strong hands.  They love to sit on daddy's knee and bounce like crazy.  A bouncy daddy lap is a great place for a baby to go to sleep.  (And he needs no batteries.)

Daddy can sling a baby.
My hubby is a pretty big guy so he never fit the slings I wore, but he liked to wear our oldest baby in a Bjorn.  Baby boy would fall asleep happily with daddy at church.  And there is something really cute about a 240 pound body builder wearing a baby to sleep.  (Nobody pokes fun when daddy is so tough either.)

Daddy can change a diaper (even a cloth one!)
You don't have to look over his shoulder and tell him what he is doing wrong.  He will figure it out!  My husband is a great diaper changer (though his skills are getting rusty lately...)  And- he even can figure out the cloth diapers, and I do the tricky pre-folds.  Diapers have to be changed all the time, and if daddy does some of it he gets lots of time to bond with baby.

Daddy's and babies get smelly.
Which is why they enjoy a shower together!  Because daddy is so hairy, I swear he is probably less likely to drop that baby in the shower.  This was always a family affair in our house, with one person holding, and the other ready to put them in the towel and dry them off. 

Daddy needs exercise.
And so he can push baby in a stroller.  Plus, getting baby outside in the fresh air can calm them down, and give mom some time to rest or tidy up.  This is also a nice little family event.  Well, it is a nice quiet family event when you have one, when you have three kids usually somebody is screaming.  But we can talk about that later. 

Father's Day is a nice reminder of the wonderful men in our lives who stick around and try their best.  I am grateful to have men like that in my life because I can see how much my children need them, and I know that it allows me the chance to be the kind of mother I want to be.  I think I should go tell those guys thank you...

Misogyny, Paternalism and Dice 'Em Up Obstetrics

I am constantly irritated by the seemingly endless stories of bad births I hear about from unsuspecting mothers.  

These bad births are often rooted in a system of paternalism still prevalent in obstetrics.  If you don't believe me, read the definition of paternalism. 

(From Wikipedia)

Paternalism- refers to an attitude or a policy reminiscent of the hierarchic pattern of a family based on patriarchy, that is, there is a figurehead....that makes decisions on behalf of others ... for their own good, even if this is contrary to their wishes. The paternalism of a parent (strictly, a father), even one who restricts the liberty of a child in the child's own interests, has not generally been thought to require extensive justification.

It is implied that the fatherly figure is wiser than and acts in the best interest of its protected figures. The term may be used derogatorily to characterize attitudes or political systems that are thought to deprive individuals of freedom and responsibility, only nominally serving their interests, while in fact pursuing another agenda which is directly against the interests of the individuals.

I am sick and tired of this attitude.  It is rampant.  The whole pat on the shoulder, and the gentle reassurance to the mother that the doctor will "Take care of everything" is ridiculous.  I used to be just angry at the profession as a whole.  No longer.  I am disgusted that women continue to buy into this in the hopes that it will somehow make the entire event of birth somehow painless and easy.  

Letting somebody take care of you for your pregnancy and birth is not the way to have a great birth.  It is a sure fire way to have a horrible experience that often resembles assault and that is traumatic to recover from.  

Let's think about this in action:

A first time mom is excitedly pregnant!  She is looking forward to inviting a baby into her home and family.  She is however apprehensive about the pregnancy and birth.  Why wouldn't she be.  She has her whole life heard horror stories from her mother, other women, and the media about the miseries of pregnancy and the pain of birth.  

She makes an appointment with a care provider.  She is interested in a natural birth and mentions it in her first visit.  He seems to brush aside the idea, and mentions that most first time mom's need an epidural to endure labor.  After all, why should she suffer?  He says. "Don't worry, I know what I am doing.  I have been doing this for years.  After all, it is what I went to school for."  

Mom continues to trust her doctor.  He continues to in offhand ways refer to her inability to give birth on her own.  Her visits with her are brief.  But there is comfort in knowing that he is an expert.  

The time for the birth approaches.  Mom is huge and uncomfortable.  The doctor suggests an induction.  After all, she doesn't want to be pregnant forever, does she?

An induction is performed on the appointed day.  Pitocin, followed by an epidural, followed by distress, stress, and the eventual "necessary" c-section ensues.  

Mom is grateful that she had her doctor there to save her.  Otherwise, she and the baby surely would have died.  

Mom returns  home to recover from her  surgery and try to raise a baby.  She has no confidence to do so.  She is  in pain.  The system has convinced her that she is incapable of basic  female functions, and she believes it.  

This happens every day.  Every single day.

Whose fault is it anyway?  Is it the system that treats women like incompetent vessels  of a foreign object?  Is it the doctor who assures her of his expertise?  Is it the mother who goes along with this line of bull?

There is probably enough fault to go around for everybody.  I refuse though to place all the blame on the system and the care providers alone.  I refuse to place all the blame on a culture that is simply misogynistic and in which women are only valued when they resemble men.  

We as women must take responsibility for our own births.  We can not pass the buck.  

Who is going to recover for weeks from this surgery?  Who is going to deal with postpartum depression?  Who is going to struggle with breastfeeding because of this surgery?  Who is going to have a baby with increased risks for countless things?  Who is going to have to struggle to VBAC?  Who is going to have to limit her family size because her body can not handle any more surgeries?  Who is going to catch a dangerous infection in the hospital?  Who is going to wonder why things happened that way?  

The answer is you.  YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON WHO WILL ULTIMATELY CARRY THE BURDEN OF YOUR CHOICES.  That doctor, who was so comforting and said he would take care of you is not going to come to your house when you have a breakdown.  He is not going to do your laundry when you can't lift the basket.  He is not going to feel like he has a broken body because his birth did not go as it should have. 

It is easy to to let somebody take care of us.  We all have a little girl in us that would like to do this.  It is the same little girl who doesn't want to experience any pain.  This same little girl wants to give up when the going gets tough.  

But you are not a little girl any more.  You are a woman.  You are a mother.  You are stronger and better than that.  

-

You want to take responsibility.  You want to do this even if it means eating better than you ever have.  Even if it means exercises, reading, switching care providers, and just being different than everybody else around you. 

It is time we took responsibility for our own births.  I can guarantee you that this is the only way that things will change.  ACOG and their cronies have ZERO motivation to change obstetrics.   We do. 

Interviews and Birth Stories

Hey Guys and Gals!
I am calling for more interviews and birth stories.  I would love to put your wisdom and experience up here.  Little by little we are getting more hits and more FB followers.  This is a little way to get the word out and make a difference.
You can send your stuff to me at mamabirth09@yahoo.com
Here are the interview questions:

I love birth stories, so to introduce yourself, give us a brief synopsis of your births and how they effected you.

What first got you interested in a natural lifestyle or natural birth?

What subject would you say you are most passionate about (circumcision, birth, vaccines, etc) and why?

How do you incorporate your passions into your lifestyle through work or education? (ie doula work, childbirth education, blogging, or just talking to friends.)

What are some of your favorite resources for new mothers? (books, web sites,ect)

What experiences have you had that made you think, changed you deeply, or made you more sensitive to the situations of others regarding. You know what I mean, those humbling, growth experiences.

What do you see as the biggest challenge/problem in obstetrics today and how do you think it could/should change? How are you trying to bring about change.

Share with us you blog or web site so everybody can get to know you better!

I Am A Mom, And I Need Help

I live with my mother-in-law.  It is true-  I am not just trying to scare you.

For financial reasons we needed to live with family when we moved back to California.  I thought it would be horrible.  And it has admittedly had its issues, emotions, breakdowns, hurt feelings, and the like.  Last week though we had even more family come to stay with us.  I was a little surprised at the result.

Let me first say that I have always had difficulty and felt inadequate in my dealings with family.  In fact it was one of my biggest fears about getting married.  How could I possibly function in a marriage relationship if I couldn't even manage it with my own parents?

So, moving back to my home town and in with my mother-in-law was a little scary for me.

I have three young children now and I stay home with them.  My husband is gone much of the day and has been for the last few years, especially when he was in school.  I often felt deeply inadequate because I was so frequently tired, overwhelmed, frustrated, and basically feeling like I was getting nothing done even though I was home all day with my kids.  How did women do this 100 years ago without birth control and even more kids?!

Guess what- I am not the only mom who feels like this!  Being a full time mom is overwhelming.  It is a monetary sacrifice to start, not to mention the sacrifice of your time, talents, desires, and needs.  Plus, people in the grocery story look at you like you are insane or incapable of figuring out how a condom works.

But back to my point.  Last week we had more family stay with us.  A mother and father and their three kids, 16, 12 and 9.  My kids are 5, 2 and 9 months.  Instead of being totally overwhelming, everybody was pretty happy.  The kids loved playing with their older cousins.  My kids did not fight with each other at all.  They did not give me any grief over anything.  They had constant stimulation and play companions.  Somebody was always there to play or entertain or teach them something.

And that was not even the best part!  My baby is a sweet heart but likes to be held a lot.  I don't mind this, but I just can't hold her all the time.  She is too big to put in a sling 24/7 and I have to feed the rest of the household and keep some degree of order, and try to fill some of my own needs for human contact and intellectual stimulation.


So- I am a fan of attachment parenting, but in reality, it is very difficult to do all the time with lots of little ones and only one person to care for them and little or no help.

Not so when there is lots of family around!  That baby never got put down.  She was played with, fed, loved, walked, talked to, kissed, and just basically spoiled the entire week.  Aunt and uncle loved to hold a little one again.  All her older cousins soaked up every minute they got with their littlest cousin.  She was such a happy baby.  She hardly fussed at all.

All of this got me thinking about what stay at home mom's and attachment parenting advocates expect from mothers these days.

We expect a mom to hold and love her baby.  We (those involved in natural parenting) expect that mom to not let her baby cry it out.  We expect her to breastfeed.  We expect her to be a good wife and mother.  We expect her to carry her baby when needed.  We expect her to avoid all these artificial baby soothing devices.  I myself look down on these things.  I want my babies to be comforted by human hands.

But the reality of our modern nuclear family, with dad gone to work much of the day, is that this is a pretty tall order.  Attachment parenting, plus lots of little ones and keeping your sanity is hard to do.  It is simply hard to do it all.  In fact, I think it is impossible to do it all perfectly.

This experience reminded me that not too many years ago, families lived together in larger family units.  There were aunt and uncles, cousins, grandmothers and grandfathers around to love on a baby.

There was no talk that week about letting the baby cry it out.  There was no stress about getting her down for her nap.  There was no listening to her scream while I scrambled to fix dinner.  There was no panic attack when I realized I did not know where my baby had crawled off too.  There is really no need for all these baby gadgets when there are simply more people around to help.

I realized that part of the reason some of our modern parenting techniques exist (the cruel and unusual ones) is because we place a huge burden on mothers who are doing it mostly on their own.  Frankly, I am not surprised that mom's are tempted to just let the baby cry at the end of the day.  By then they are exhausted.  They don't have anybody to help them during the day and they don't even  have anybody to teach them how to parent.

We need a little family help.  If we don't have that we need to reach out to each other.  Being a stay at home mom right now is incredibly isolating.  On top of that, those who want to do it really well, hold a high standard for themselves that is difficult to reach

I hate to say it, but it does take a village.  We need each other.  We need to show up and take that new mama dinner.  We need to pamper her.  We need to hold her baby for a minute.  We need to take her older kids to the park.  We need to share our mama wisdom or just a listening ear.  And, we need to let others do the same for us.

Regans Birth Story, Free Birth, Home Birth

Today is  birth story day!  This is a beautiful peaceful home birth.  We have shared one of this mama's birth stories before and you can find it on our birth story section.  I love how calm this mom and dad are as they welcome their new little one.  I also love that a sibling is present, and totally unafraid of the process because mom and dad are unafraid.  Birth is beautiful!

Enjoy! 

About 6 am Monday April 9th, I woke up, briefly, and felt a mild sensation that felt like a contraction. At first I thought maybe it was just a gas pain, but when I had a couple of more within a few minutes I realised it wasn't that, it was a real contraction. Kim was half waking up and I told him that it looked like today might be the day.

We got up and started our day, Sinéad didn't wake up immediately, so we left her in the bed, and I went out to wash and start breakfast. I made some pancakes, and all the while, mentally planned my day. I was getting excited. I realised this was probably really it, but because I was just beginning labour, it wouldn't be right away.

Kim left for school and I told him I would keep him posted and that if things got really much stronger, I would be telling him to get back home ASAP. I do think a solo birth is a really great idea, but it isn't for me, I love having my husband there, just being a strength and support and comfort. It helps that he is so calm and knowledgeable about it too.

I wanted to get some laundry finished, and had to buy some more laundry soap, as well, I had two visiting teaching appointments. Sinéad and I headed out and though she wanted to walk, I needed to have her be in the stroller, for a few reasons—the walking would only last a little while and then I would have to carry her and I didn't feel up to that with waves coming every once in awhile, and I wanted to walk as briskly as I could to keep things smooth. One thing I really noticed was that not only did the contractions feel less intense when I was actually moving, but it really does speed things up, no matter what some people might say.


Well, we went to our appointments, and on the way, saw several people who I knew would be surprised when they found out our baby was born that day. We got home shortly before lunch time, and I put Sinéad down for a nap. Nursed her actually, which brought on some strong contractions. Hey, every little bit helps. After this I phoned to arrange to pick up some birth supplies that were waiting for us. Kim was going to get them and I needed the address. I emailed Kim with it, and told him he might want to think about coming home earlier. He wasn't supposed to be home until 4 pm.

I was starting to really have to concentrate, and I got things tidied up and did a bit of emailing. Sinéad slept until about 1:00 p.m. and I got her up and fixed her some lunch, and started a bath for me. I was really hoping Kim would be home soon, but wasn't counting on it. I phoned the school but just as I was trying to get a message to him, he pulled up in the driveway (he gets a ride to and from school). He then told me, as he came in the door that he wanted to surprise me and that he had known he would be home early...well, nice, but I would have appreciated not being anxious about him getting home!!!

I hopped in the bath and Kim started setting things up downstairs for our planned water birth. Unfortunately, shortly after starting to fill the pool, we realised it had a leak. Since all our stuff was downstairs (blankets, pillows, birth baskets, etc), we were going to stay there, but I wanted to be near the tub, so Kim hauled everything back up. Such a trooper! Sinéad was doing really well the whole time. Kim told her when I was vocalising through some contractions that it meant the baby was coming. So every time she would get a big grin on her face and say "Baby coming!".

I really found that either being in the bath, moving around a lot (I "danced" through some contractions) and making low, strong sounds, really made a difference, helping me integrate the progression. I also said to myself when I had some really intense ones, that it felt so good, and the self talk made a difference too. Towards the end, I squatted through some as well, and that helped open me up and relieve the pressure. Around 5 pm, I came into the bedroom.

Sinéad told Kim she wanted to lay down for a nap, so she was on the single bed we have right next to our queen bed, and Kim covered her up.

I knelt against the end of the bed, and one really strong intense contraction almost overcame me. It didn't, but it was an amazing one, and I could really feel it opening me up. I am quite positive that I dilated fully at that point, and that Regan moved down some more. Kim said " Maybe you should get on the bed now." I did...as that was where all of our pads and stuff were located. I knelt again, like I did when I was birthing Regan. So far, my favourite position to birth in! I concentrated on relaxing, and though I didn't scream (yay!) I continued vocalising through my contractions, and a few minutes before 6pm (the clock was right beside me), my water broke through a contraction). I had a couple more and then some more water came out. Before this, Kim was getting the crock pot ready and the wash cloths ready to support my perineum. I had asked him if it looked as though the head was coming and he said "Not yet, but you are really opening up". Even at this point, I figured I had a good couple of hours before the baby would be born.

Well, that shows how much I knew! After the second splash of water came out, Kim was getting a wash cloth and I said "The baby is coming!" I could feel him coming down, and he sure was. Kim supported me again with the wash cloths, as I felt again that ring of fire, the wash cloths completely relieved that. Another couple of contractions and I really had the urge to push. I didn't really feel that with Sinéad, but I sure couldn't help it with Regan. I didn't give it everything I had though, I let him ease out. His head emerged, and instead of pushing him right out, I waited for the next contraction. He slipped out, and though Sinéad was out of view to see him come out, she went out of the room and watched from the door. She showed no fear at all during the whole time, but curiosity and a good understanding. Regan didn't have any mucous to cough up and when Kim turned him over to rub his back, to make sure, he complained rather loudly.

I turned onto my back and had Kim prop some pillows under my shoulders and back after taking Regan from him. We wrapped a towel around him and though he didn't nurse immediately, within a short while he did. Regan came up to see him and was so excited. We sat there for about an hour and though I could feel the placenta had separated within a couple of minutes, it didn't come out. About 45 minutes after Regan was born, Kim cut the cord and took him, while I got up to squat over the bowl, I decided I would rather sit on the toilet so I went in there and pushed out the placenta.

After all this, I realised how great I felt, and still feel. I don't have the same soreness I had with Sinéad, and no tearing either. (I had a skid mark with Regan, but no perineal tearing with her either). Regan is a little angel. He loves the sling, he loves to nurse and he is a very content baby. He took to nursing so well, and has had no problems latching on. My milk took a day and a half to come in, compared to 2.5 with Sinéad. Joys of tandem nursing! Sinéad is quite thrilled with her little brother and about the returned milk. He was 2-2.5 weeks early, but is a healthy strong little guy. He is tinier than his sister was, 19 inches long weighing about 6 lbs. (we weighed him several hours after and he had already passed meconium so figure he lost an ounce or two. Then, he was 5 lbs 14oz.).

I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father for blessing us with this beautiful little boy. I can hardly wait to have another. We are so happy with our little boy, he is a sweetheart and an amazing addition to our family. I am just in love with him! This birth was so wonderful and it can only get better! And he does look just like Kim...it is amazing, right down to the little chin.