It is obvious that I am obsessed with the fact that I am taking a nose dive into my thirties. There is so much pressure to be "important" (read: educated, published, career motivated, wealthy and famous) that choosing the path of "just motherhood" somehow seems lesser, and it is more and more apparent as I edge through my 30's. It is especially grating when I see other people my age who have are far more traveled, educated, and fancy free than I am.
I admit, despite all my talk of motherhood being a feminist statement, I am not immune to pressures of society. I did not think that the most important thing I would be doing with my life as I hurled past 30 would be wiping noses, comforting tears, and doing dishes (by hand no less!). And yet, here I am.
Here are some of the things that I must remind myself of sometimes when I start feeling dissatisfied with the fantastic calling of young motherhood.
1) Some things keep- Ovaries are not one of these things. My chance to procreate easily is now, not in 10 years. And I wouldn't trade it for a degree that I CAN get later.
2) Money-schmuney- True, being broke royally blows. That being said, I would not trade the every day mundane moments for more money so I could work outside my home. Nor do I regret not being able to give my kids everything they want or even need because I had them younger and while struggling through school and new businesses. It is hard enough WITHOUT money to raise kind, grateful, and humble kids. The truth is, they (kids) don't really notice. Plus, I am constantly amazed at the generosity of others and the kindnesses that they are prompted to pour out towards my family.
3) Energy- My mom always said that she had less energy with her last that came at the beginning of her 40's than with her first. I personally cannot IMAGINE having less energy than I have right now. I am banking on relative youth being a bonus when chasing after so many little ones.
4) Wait, I am famous!- Sure, I wanted to have been published by this point in my life. That has not happened (unless self publishing on blogger counts.... um mm no.......) I might not be a famous writer, but every time I take three kids out to the grocery store I AM famous! Apparently I am one of the only people on earth who dares have three kids 5 and under! Look at me! Tell me my hands are full! Go ahead, you know you want to.
5) Hey- my life IS AWESOME!- I remember not wanting to have kids until I had done something important, like traveled the world, learned another language (I can translate three year old though) or sat in an Oprah audience. And, then, I just started having them at 25 while I had a kick-butt (haha) career as a bakery manager. Guess what- being a mom is way better than that. And as an added bonus, I discovered the wonders of natural childbirth and my other passion in life- teaching other new families about it. I can't imagine waiting longer to "find myself" when what really helped me find myself and find my passions was HAVING kids. Before I was spinning my wheels, now I have a real purpose.
6) I snagged a husband when I looked good- True story, I wish I had gone bra-less more when the sisters held themselves up without help. But, you can't regret what you didn't know at the time. That being said, I got married at the crazy age of 20 (and barley). Everybody thought it was a bad idea. In fact, I have sometimes thought it was a bad idea. But, I did it. And, even though sometimes there is nobody else I would rather drop kick, we have helped each other grow into better adults. We have pushed each other and given each other confidence and help when we needed it. Plus, my wedding dress was a size SIX! Don't know if I could do that now.
7) Contrary to popular belief, life does not end at 30!- We focus on youth a lot in our culture. We like to plant those wild oats and have fun and get things done before the 30th birthday and all resulting implosion of fun occours. Guess what though, life doesn't end at 30. It keeps on going on, with the added bonus being that at this point, I actually know what is important and what I most want. Life may not end at 30, but stupidity tends to have a shelf life that expires in your twenties.
The take home message I want to remember when I start to feel inferior and unimportant- life is good, and don't ever forget it.
Peace and joy in your journey through motherhood, no matter what your age.
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